


Planets and Moons

by elle_ish



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Realities, Angst, Female Pronouns for Pidge | Katie Holt, Hurt/Comfort, Lance is the best of friend, M/M, Major Illness, Mild Gore, No Major Character Death, Post Season 2, Proceed with caution, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-07
Updated: 2017-03-06
Packaged: 2018-09-22 15:47:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 47,743
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9614786
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elle_ish/pseuds/elle_ish
Summary: “In every reality, it’s you and me; and I don’t know how I didn’t see it before.”After the final battle with Zarkon, Shiro wakes up in an alternate reality where no one knows or listens to his silly tales about Voltron. How is he supposed to move forward when no one seems to believe him, especially his apparent fiancée, Keith?Meanwhile, Keith is left picking up the pieces as best he can, which really isn’t saying much.





	1. Shiro

**Author's Note:**

> This will be a 2 Chapter fic. The first chapter is from Shiro's POV, and the second will be Keith's. I have quite a few theories of where Shiro may have ended up, this was one of them! :D
> 
> As per usual, I edit my own fics as I don't have a beta. I tried my best, but if something is wrong please let me know! Hope everyone enjoys this lengthy-supposed-to-be-oneshot-fic! It got away from me....

When Shiro awoke after the battle, it was through bleary eyes and strained muscles. The room was a mix of intangible greys and soft browns that faded together into one. He groaned, rubbing at his eyes. His head fell back into a shapely pillow, well spent after a night of use, and that just seemed- weird?

While Shiro was used to having a mattress and thin blankets on the Castle, this was different. This bed was softer, larger, dipped further into his larger body. The blanket over his currently seared muscle was not thin, but rather quite the opposite. He found himself cocooned within the confines of a large livid blue duvet, a habit he picked up when he was a child and never grew out of. 

The room became less blurry when a soft sigh was emitted to his right, a figure snoring softly as it near cuddled the wall. He saw a tuft of black hair move from underneath the sheets, and Shiro felt his heart sink. _Oh no._

The figure groaned as it stretched out, turning towards Shiro while _he_ blinked his eyes awake, a small gasp escaping past his lips

Shiro remained completely still, almost hoping that the childrens game of ‘ _if you don’t move it wont see you’_ still applied to his adult life. He was left in disdain when his wishes fell through the cracks.

“Hey there, Sleeping Beauty,” Keith said as he blinked away his sleep sodden eyes with a small smile. He reached for Shiro's cheek and grazed over it with his thumb, so gentle and so sweet. Shiro couldn’t grasp any of it. How? When? What?

And then Keith moved forward, placing a light hearted kiss to his lips.

Shiro remained stunned, that drop in his stomach moving further and at a faster speed. He was going to be sick. He didn’t speak, not at all comprehending the situation he was in. He was in a bedroom, with Keith, who still looked completely like _his_ Keith, albeit a few years older (maybe? Not really though?). And well, not _his_ Keith, but like, the Keith from his actual life. This- this wasn’t his actual life. This felt to domestic, too homely, too normal to feel anything close to familiar for Shiro. He hadn’t even been this close to another individual since he left for Kerberos, and that was well over a year ago. What the hell was happening?

Keith moved back, smiling gently. “I know, I know. Don’t like morning breath, got it.” He joked. Keith parted from the warmed bed sheets and rose onto the floor, stretching out his lithe muscles.

The heat in Shiro’s cheeks rose as he watched this Keith rise up. The younger man wore only a pair of crimson briefs that showed off a little more of his thinner body than Shiro would like to be familiar with.

He yawned loudly, touching his fingers to his lips to cover it as thought it were rude. He turned back to Shiro, blinking slowly.

“Oh.” He said, and Shiro clenched his fists, grabbing at the pastel sheets underneath his also near naked frame.

Keith bit his lip, visibly worried. “Do you know who I am?” 

Shiro nodded his head fervently, silently begging Keith to understand and answer his unasked questions. His breathing picked up. The anxiety in his chest rose and started bubbling up with a sharp pain from his stomach.

Where was he? He was just battling Zarkon in space- and now, he was here? And where was everyone else? Allura, Coran, Lance, Pidge, Hunk? And why the hell was Keith, well… like _this_?!

Why were they together? Why did Keith kiss him? Shiro wasn’t opposed to kissing men, quite the contrary, but Keith? Now?

Just what the hell happened?!

“You’re- you’re Keith. We’ve been _friends_ for a long time.” He stuttered out, though placing a strong emphasis on the word _friends._ He shuffled forward, grabbing at his head that sickeningly throbbed against his forehead. He shifted out of his safe cocoon - none too gracefully he would later admit – and his feet landed barefoot on the floor. He placed his elbows, still one human and one metal prosthetic, against his knees. 

Well, wasn’t Shiro lucky that _that_ hadn’t changed?

Keith seemed to relax a little at that, yet his body still remained visibly tense.

“And do you know how you got here?” He asked carefully, his hands open palmed towards Shiro. He walked closely to the bed as though Shiro were a deer caught in the headlights and was about to speed off in the wrong direction if Keith even just moved wrong. 

He dropped down to his knees, placing his own warm hands against Shiro’s legs, ready to back off or come closer at a moments notice.

“No- no, I don’t. I don’t remember how I got here.” 

Keith nodded his head in understanding, as though this was something that happened often.

Was it something that happened often?

“That’s okay. What’s the last thing you remember?” He probed, trying to get Shiro to talk.

Grey, worrying eyes met kind violet, and Shiro felt himself instantly calm down. He churned at his memory, looking at this Keith, this environment, how relatively _ordinary_ it all was. This Keith, the one on his knees and trying to calm him down wasn’t the Keith he was used to up in Space.

But that wasn’t to say they were much different. He still acted the same, just placed in a different situation, and Shiro couldn’t put his finger on exactly what _was_ different here. This entire place just felt off. It wasn’t _his._ But it was definitely real. 

“Uhhm. The garrison, I think I hit my head against the simulator?” He lied, deciding not to say anything about his space travels. He just had that feeling that it’d be the perfectly wrong thing to say right now. 

Keith hummed, growing concerned. “Usually it doesn’t go that far back.” He whispered more too himself than Shiro. He caught Shiro’s confused look, and shook the thoughts out of his head with a weak smile. “That’s okay, though. How about you go get in the shower, and I’ll make us same breakfast. When you’re ready, come downstairs and I can explain.” He patted Shiro’s knee before moving away. 

“But, you’re toothbrush, if I’m in there, then…”

Keith turned, the weak smile still present. “We have another bathroom for days like this. It’ll be okay, Takashi.”

Shiro fell forward a little at the use of his actual name. It’d been years since he last heard it.

“Oh, uhm, your shirt drawer is the second top one. We share everything else.” Keith explained, before leaving the bedroom with a soft shut of the door. He allowed Shiro some privacy to collect his thoughts. 

Shiro didn’t move for another ten minutes, instead choosing to sit himself against the bedframe on the floor.

The bedroom was smaller, fitting only the assumedly queen sized bed and dresser full of clothes. Books lined the dresser top, mixed with multiple Astrophysics textbooks, the Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings series, a beginner’s guide to cooking, and a large stack of Calvin and Hobbes. Shiro instantly knew Keith had dubbed this portion of books ‘Shiro’s space’ because while Keith enjoyed all these things to a relative degree, Shiro knew he was a not-so-secret lover of the what Shiro referred to as ‘old-and-rich -white-men-literature’. 

Aka, what Shiro failed to understand and enjoy during his garrison English university classes, while Keith aced every one of their renaissance and modernist literature tests.

Nerd. 

Shiro smiled softly at the thought, hazily picking up the Calvin and Hobbes and running his human hand over the well-used spine. He opened it up, and noticed his Mother’s signature with a ‘ _Happy 8 th Birthday Takashi! Xo’ _written underneath. It was the exact copy Shiro had had his entire life. But just to double check, he skipped to 86th page, and noticed the crooked tear through half of the paper. He remembered how he cried when Johnathon the bully had ripped up his favourite book, calling him a freak for reading during recess. Shiro sighed and placed the book back in the same empty space he had found it in, and continued to look around the room.

There was a small TV attached to the wall, and streams of lights fell through the slightly opened window. Shiro forced himself up, pulling the ashen coloured curtains closed, the sun too bright this early in the morning and hurting his eyes.

Shiro turned and made way for the bathroom attached to the bedroom, taking Keith’s advice and taking a nice, long, hot shower.

Because, damn, if this morning was anything to go by, this was going to be one hell of a day.

 

***---***---***---***---***

 

Thinking it through in the shower, Shiro came up with a few hypotheses. He narrowed them down to a few of his favourites, since they remained the most realistic given his current situation:

  * He passed out for a few years and was currently a vegetable. This was all just in his passed out mind.
  * Haggar sent him into an episode of hallucinations after (or during?) his fight with Zarkon. This was just what he was living now and would have to wait it out.
  * This was just a very real dream.
  * And lastly, he suffered brain damage from his head-on impact with Zarkon and ended up like that one girl from _50 First Dates_.



Shiro shivered, just somehow feeling like those possibilities weren’t quite true.

Shiro made his way down the rugged stairs. He recognized the interior as one of those small town houses just out of town from the garrison, with everything the same and nothing unique. It was a small two-bedroom, which Shiro had discovered during his short walk when was he was trying to calm himself down. The other bedroom was set up with an old desk and a computer. It also, strangely enough, had a well-worn punching bag in the corner. The red mitts were tossed haphazardly on the ground beside the shapely desk.

This place was also eerily quiet, as though there were no roads or anything close to human existence just outside the door. Shiro had a sinking feeling this location was chosen on purpose.

He moved from the stairs and hid himself just around the corner of the kitchen when he heard Keith talking to someone over the phone. Keith was swiftly cooking some scrambled eggs and bacon over a heated frying pan, his hair tied up to keep away from the food.

“Yeah, yeah… No, I’m fine. But just in case it does get worse, I had to let you know. You know how it is.” He let out a harsh laugh, one that told Shiro that whatever Keith was talking about was not all that funny. From around the corner and over the sizzling bacon, Shiro could still hear the murmurs of someone speaking on the other line. “Yeah, yeah I agree…. if we don’t make it out… y-you will? Thanks again, Lance. I really appreciate it. Fingers crossed though. It doesn’t seem too bad today, but… yeah.” Keith sighed, moving around the kitchen while he multitasked like pro. 

Shiro was just happy that Keith had magically started wearing a black shirt and sweatpants underneath the rather frilly blue apron tied around his chest and waist. Because while Shiro cared for Keith, that was one step they had never taken. Call Shiro a traditionalist, but he had always needed to take the time to develop the trust for that sort of… natural nakedness. Having seen Keith wear next to nothing felt like a breach of privacy he hadn’t yet earned, and it didn’t aid Shiro with his already guilty and confused mind. 

“Okay, same here. Talk to you later… Bye.” Keith shrugged the phone off of his shoulder, grabbing it just before it hit the counter top and shut it off.

Colour Shiro impressed. 

He took his chance, entering the kitchen.

Keith immediately turned around, noticing Shiro like a hawk eyeing its prey. “Oh hey, I didn’t hear the water turn off.” He made his way to Shiro with a familiar look, much like the one in the bedroom that morning before the lighthearted kiss. (Shiro was _not_ still thinking about that, thank you very much). Keith quickly stopped himself, seemingly remembering the situation over his instincts. He moved away with a concerned frown, and turned off the stove. 

“I just finished the food. I’ll grab us some plates so you can just take a seat.” He wiped his hands on a dishcloth before he started dishing out the eggs.

Shiro sat down at the circular table in a daze, picking up his knife and fork a little lightheaded. His hands shook, but then Hunk's enthused expression of how sporks will one day rule the Universe entered his mind, and Shiro found himself chuckling at the memory despite himself.

To his right and against the wall were two half-eaten cat dishes with a large bowl of water in the middle. 

He was about to question this particular discovery when he turned to see Keith pouring two cups of coffee, and moving to pour the cream. Shiro couldn’t stop himself before meekly calling out, "Errr- one cream-“

“And one half sugar. Don’t worry, Shiro. I got it.” Keith said with a wink.

“Thank… you?”

“Always.”

Keith placed the perfectly blended and steaming cup of warm earthly coffee in front of Shiro, to which he then chugged it like a madman. He hadn’t realized how different the sludge on the ship was until now. After a while, Shiro had truly forgotten the taste that had essentially held his life together at the garrison, and what he also saw as both his heaven and his hell. Shiro counted himself lucky when he realized that the Castle’s ‘coffee’ had kept him energized, and held the same texture and bitterness as actual coffee. Eventually, Shiro just figured if you lie to yourself enough, the memory of coffee would fade away and the new coffee wouldn’t seem so bad. And it had after a while. But Shiro couldn’t believe how wrong that lie had been. This coffee was pure, unadulterated heaven. 

“Shiro, we have more, slow down! You’ll burn your throat!” Keith reprimanded, picking up his fork to pick at his scrambled eggs. Shiro couldn’t help but notice how there seemed to be much more food on his own plate than there was on Keith’s.

“You need to eat, come on.” Keith’s eyes were looking down, still stabbing at his eggs like they needed to be punished.

Apparently whatever he had to discuss wasn’t something he liked to bring up either. He seemed to detest this predicament just as much a Shiro.

With a tick of his eye, Shiro breathed out, “Wh- what is happening?" He wished he could calm himself, but he couldn’t keep that stutter at bay, anxiety still present.

Keith blinked up to him, back down to Shiro’s eggs, and then back to Shiro before sighing. 

“You’re having a bad day, that’s what we call them.” Keith began to explain.

“A bad day.” Shiro repeated, moving the words through his mouth like they were a dry, powdered poison.

Keith nodded, and continued to poke at his eggs.

“It happens sometimes, Shiro. Some days you’ll wake up and just forget . Usually it doesn’t go as far back, maybe a month or two, but not years.” Keith explained slowly, watching Shiro take in the information.

It sounded as though Keith were on auto-pilot, offering Shiro information as though he had given the same speech ever day.

“Sometimes you hallucinate. Sometimes you have episodes where….” Keith shook his head, biting at his lip.

“You’ve been seeing a doctor, and as of right now, you’re okay and this isn’t something to worry about. It doesn’t happen too often, but I understand if this is scary right now.” He watched Shiro with his continued hawk-like stare. “Is there anything else you’d like to know?”

Shiro moved his plate of food away, and Keith winced.

Yeah, Shiro was scared, terrified, but he wasn’t about to worry Keith. He took a long breath, pulling in and exhaling out, focusing on the task at hand, and that was relearning everything. 

“How did you and I- how did that-“ 

“How did we get engaged?” Keith prompted, near giggling when Shiro spluttered out his coffee at the word choice.

“You asked me last year, and I obviously said yes. It was romantic and perfect.” Keith offered with a small voice, eyes downcast.

“We’ve been together for three and a half years after you asked me out at the garrison at my graduation ceremony.” Keith said with a smile.

And that drop echoed through his ears like a glass shattering on the ground.

Keith’s final year at the garrison had been when Shiro was selected for the Kerberos mission. It was what prompted their large fight before Shiro left, and had still been a sore spot for them both when they met back up, as they both had said some pretty vicious things that they didn’t mean. Since forming Voltron and being reunited, it was water under the bridge since forgiveness was more important after the full year of forced separation, but still. 

Shiro hadn’t attended Keith’s graduation.

“But, wasn’t that during- but Kerberos?”

Keith’s head tilted, finally from confusion. He took Shiro’s face into his hands, looking into Shiro’s eyes and stretching at the lower eyelid.

“What, what are you doing?”

“Your eyes aren’t dilated.” He said like static.

“Huh?”

Keith sighed, moving back. “Usually before an episode or a hallucination your eyes dilate and you talk about this Kerberos thing… It’s like it’s a trigger word or something, but no one knows what it means."

“But Kerberos, the Moon Kerberos.” Keith visibly winced and shuddered at the word.

“I was sent away on a mission there, to Kerberos, for research, but then- but after - and I, I mean, I was on Ker-“

“Stop saying that name!” Keith shouted, slamming the end of his fork into the table. 

“Kerberos isn’t a thing, Shiro. Please. That is just some silly hallucination, a false memory that you have. And that word- it scares me, okay?… I don’t want to see you…” Keith spoke with more emotion here than he had ever since forming Voltron, and that worried Shiro. He was never one to be this open, usually holding in his reservations unless intrigued or annoyed.

But he bit his tongue, not arguing back. He submitted to what this Keith was saying, needing the younger one to calm down. However, that didn’t mean Shiro liked what he had to say, or even believed it. Quite honestly, Shiro refused to believe anything that Keith was saying, none of that was true, could be true. Sure, he’d suffered amnesiac tendencies before, but not to this degree. He knew what was real, and Voltron and the Lions were real, no matter how absurd they sounded in this life. 

Keith once again bit his lip, a small habit that could soon possibly give a new definition to the word split lip if it continued. Shiro presumed that Keith was withholding information that he seemed to fear would toss Shiro over the edged into one of those ‘episodes’ he mentioned prior.

“Remember what Dr. Coran said? Deep breaths, count to ten, and things will clear up. You’re just having a bad day. I just don’t want to see it make you worse with that kind of talk.” He tried to explain, holding onto his own cup of coffee now as the steam rose over his sharp features. 

“Sorry…” Shiro painfully uttered, his shoulder pushing forward. “So… none of us made it to Space?” Keith snorted loudly, finally shoving a fork full of egg into his mouth.

“I’d sooner be a stripper in Romania before they allowed me to pilot a space craft. Not like I’d want to, though, those ungrateful asshats.” Keith snarled. Shiro picked up on the underlying anger in his voice that he hadn’t even tried to hide. Shiro felt it was best not to ask. 

So the room fell silent, Keith picking slowly at his food while Shiro contemplated ignorantly with his cup of coffee. One of Keith’s words drifted over Shiro’s mind as he analyzed Keith’s dry explanations.

“Wait. Dr. Coran?!” Shiro suddenly shouted out. Keith was visibly stunned by the enthusiasm.

“Yeah, your specialist? What, do you remember him?!” Keith asked, perking up with his own eagerness. And Shiro didn’t have the heart to tell him the truth, that the Coran he thought of wasn’t the same.

“I- well… I mean, in pieces. I know him, and I can see him.” Okay, white lie, because Shiro couldn’t lie all that well in the first place. In some capacities sometimes he could, but it was something he earnestly tried his damndest to avoid.

Keith smiled then, sipping at his cup.

“You remember him but not your own fiancée. Sheesh.”

And Shiro stilled at that word, still not believing that him and Keith, Keith and him, himself and the other person in the room with black hair known as Keith, were a thing. An Item. Partners…. Together.

It didn’t feel wrong, per say, but this way, how he found out, it just didn’t sit well.

Honestly, Shiro had always pictured it (hoped was also another word) that when they made it back down to Earth, Shiro would cook Keith a nice dinner before asking him out on an official date. He planned it, left him feeling positive and hopeful during those dark nights within the Galra prisons, and even later on when the responsibility of leading Voltron became too much to sleep at night. 

Shiro had thought about it, imagined it, dreamed of it, but for it to actually happen? This just seemed too picturesque.

“Actually, speaking of Coran, I should probably call him to tell him about your day.” Keith muttered.

“Do you know what triggered it?” Shiro asked, trying to garner more information from Keith. The other shrugged his shoulders. 

“Multitude of things: bad health, oncoming cold, stress, sometimes you forget to take your pills. Hell, even a headache caused it once.” Keith sighed, pointing towards Shiro’s empty cup.

“But enough about that. Want another coffee?”

Shiro was not proud to admit how he practically threw the cup into Keith’s awaiting hands.

 

***---***---***---***---***

 

“So we’re going to Hunk’s because Hunk is proposing to Lance and we’ve had this planned for months.”

“Yup.”

“And Allura is rooming with Nyma who is dating Rolo.”

“Yup.”

“And Pidge will be there with Matt.”

“Yup.”

“So we’re going to the mall to pick a congratulatory gift.”

“Yup.” 

“….. And Coran is a doctor?”

“Yup.”

 Honestly it was the last that was the toughest to believe.

Shiro sighed, falling back into the passenger seat, watching time fly by as they drove. Keith hated malls, had always hated anything too crowded. The fact that it was a bad day just made this worse. 

It was a Sunday, his one day of the week off from his two jobs, Shiro had discovered. If it was a bad day, Keith would usually call in sick, his employers knowing his unique circumstances that led to him taking care of Shiro.

Keith drove the grey 94’ Buick, not too much of an unpleasant car to drive, and it saved on mileage what it cost in repairs. Keith bought it for dirt cheap when he needed to get around. They lived in the same town just outside of the garrison in the Californian desert, just as Shiro had guessed, and remained on the far outskirts in the cheaper part of the increasing area. While more cost effective, this just made it more difficult for Keith to get around. He thought he needed a better vehicle to rely on not only for himself but under the the pretense that Shiro would one day be unconscious and needed to get to a hospital sans an ambulance.

Because damn, those things were expensive.

Shiro felt a tiny slash across his heart when he heard how Keith sold his beloved bike for something more ‘useful’ in his eyes.

“We were moving, and a bike was difficult to move things with. Also we needed one, Shiro, don’t give me that look.” He had bickered at the time.

“Why did we move in the first place?” Shiro had questioned after he saw pictures of himself and Keith posing back in their older, nicer apartment.

“Because loud sounds like traffic or sirens can sometimes set you off, and we lived downtown.” Was his quick response before they left their small home.

They hadn’t talked until Keith began explaining the situation for that evening.

“So gifts. Any ideas?” Keith prompted, pulling a left as the light turned yellow.

Shiro remained silent, only watching Keith drive. “You’re different.” Shiro whispered instead of replying to the question at hand.

Keith eyes popped, baffled at the quick change of dialogue. He looked at Shiro briefly between glances at the road. “What?”

“You’re different. The Keith I remember used to always take risks. There were two large gaps just then that you could have turned left through, but you chose to wait.”

Shiro noticed Keith’s hands stiffening against the wheel, the now usual bite of a lip appearing.

“Things happened, alright? I learned to take precautions. I thought you’d be happy about that considering all the shit you used to give me back at the garrison.”

“Touché.”

A few more minutes of silence past while Keith pulled into the parking lot.

“How old are you anyway?”

“Just turned 21 two months ago.”

 _Shit._ This Keith was only a year and a half than _his_ Keith, and he looked so much _older_. It scared Shiro.

In hindsight, Keith was always one of those people who held a certain maturity to him, looking more like an old man as a baby, and always having a sense of wisdom beyond his years- sure.

But this one just looked tired, and not a tired as in one night of good sleep would help, but rather from the situation he didn’t ever seem able to escape. Small lines cracked at the corner of his eyes, contrasting against the light. The dark circles didn’t help his paled and lithe complexion much either.

The kid just looked exhausted, Shiro thought in silence. 

Then again, the world had never been kind to him.

 

***---***---***---***---***

 

“So here’s the thing: I insisted on buying wine and chocolate, but you said ‘ _Nooo, Keith. That’s what everyone will do. Lets get them something different_!’ without actually telling me what that something different was. And the day we go to get the damned gift? You don’t even remember. Unbelievable…” Keith ranted, sternly marching through the mall with a very fast set pace. Shiro was having a difficult time keeping up, his eyes being drawn to all the different stores he hadn’t seen for so long. He was taking everything in. The sights. The sounds. The smells. The people. He never loved malls much either, but it was civilization. An Earth civilization that he hadn’t even realized he had missed so much, and maybe that’s when Shiro started to feel the dull ache that only loneliness from Space could create. He had great friends and paladins as comrades, sure, but that didn’t mean he could miss _this._ This still existed, and Shiro had almost forgotten about it all. The artificial lights, aluminum floor tiles that shone from wax, and the stale metal smell mixing in with the waving scents of the deep-fried haven that was the food court. It was so completely artificially made, but human.

“What about a gift card?” Keith spoke up again, forcing Shiro out of his reverie.

“Huh?”

“What about a gift card?” He repeated. He was pointing towards a very nice and increasingly expensive looking jewelry store that had a very Eastern European name which Shiro could neither read nor pronounce. “Lance really likes this place, and they’ll need to get wedding bands eventually. Maybe a gift card or something?”

Shiro weakly shook his head, the headache from earlier slowly taking over. It flowed through his body like hot molten lava, a heavy metal sheet seemingly falling over his muscles. “I think they should decide where they go.” He breathed. 

Keith nodded, slowing down his pace. He reached for Shiro’s hand, picking it up and turning them both around toward the other direction. 

A faint blush made its way to Shiro’s cheek. There was a kind and warm feeling taking over as Keith led them, his hand still holding onto his. It still wasn’t something Shiro could believe himself having. 

“Come on. I’m thirsty. Food court.” Keith monotonously explained.

The smaller man placed Shiro at a small booth and walked past him to a Booster Juice. Shiro remained in Keith’s line of sight and close enough to run back to if something happened. With a robotic voice, Keith ordered two green something smoothies that he knew Shiro enjoyed.

After a few minutes, Keith placed the bigger one in front of Shiro, and bit at the straw of his own, denting it. He shimmied around as he too sat down in the chair, unzipping one of the bags of his commonly used fanny packs. 

Shiro had always wondered what he kept in there. But to his surprise, the revelation of all those late night wonderings was a little anticlimatic. Keith pulled out a Tylenol bottle, alongside another white prescription pill bottle and pushed them both towards Shiro. 

“Medication. It’ll help with your headache.” He supplied when Shiro offered an unclear expression. The pill bottle clearly read in a large printed font: ‘T _emozolomide Capsules. 100 mg. Shirogane, Takashi. Take twice a day._ ’ 

Shiro knew that the longer the word, the more trouble he was in. Luckily, that word hadn’t seemed too long. 

“So… Capsules. I used to be against anything like this...” Shiro said, folding the bottle in his unsteady hand, looking at the big pills through the yellow plastic. 

Keith only nodded while he sucked back his grossly-reminiscent-to-puke green smoothie. He reached back for the bottle, gesturing for Shiro to hand it back to him. Shiro complied, and watched as Keith made quick work opening the lid and supplying Shiro with two little pills. 

“After the accident we were going to go with Avastin. But that has to be applied every two weeks to a vein through the eye by a doctor. And with your fear of needles, well….” Keith somewhat joked when he tampered off his sentence with an indignant roll of his eyes. He made a sad smile, scratching at the back on his neck. “But that was also more expensive and had more risks, so we just went with this guy.” He shook the pill bottle, placing it back into his bag. “I mean, easy enough, but I think we forgot it today. It’s still early enough though, so it should be fine for one bad day.” He offered, albeit a little wary.

Shiro blinked, specifically at the words ‘accident’ and Keith’s use of ‘we’ for his own medication. He waited for Keith to explain, but never got the response he wanted, left with only a blank stare and a tilted gesture for Shiro to hurry up and take the damned medication. 

He gulped, having always been a little on the apprehensive side about pharmaceutical drugs. He thought they were great for some people, he was just one of those who tried to stay away from them unless absolutely necessary.

However, given Keith’s impatient stare, this seemed absolutely necessary.

He tossed the pills in his mouth, and sipped the dry crusty taste back with the smoothie. He banged his hand against the table in his distaste when the capsules dissolved on his tongue since he couldn’t swallow fast enough. He was left with the gross, charred dust remaining in its place. It tasted foul and chemical like. He chugged the smoothie, forcing the chalk like substance down his unyielding throat before shoving out his tongue in disgust when they finally ( _finally_!) went down.

“Ughh! That was disgusting!” He complained and sucked back more of his smoothie.

Keith just watched from the other side of the table with his head in his hands, holding a small smile on a face that clearly thought that Shiro owned the world.

He sighed, his double eyelashes fanning against his smooth pale skin and protruding cheekbones.

“Stop whining, you big baby.” He said with no real malice left in his drained voice.

 

***---***---***---***---***

 

They left the mall a little after one. Keith drove them back as soon as the drugs had started to hit Shiro in an unpleasant way, having taken them after eating. He now wanted to nap more than anything, which was an unusual thing for his body to yearn. His eyes were feeling tired and heavy underneath the pressure of his dissipating headache.

They left with a nice set of cutting knives for Hunk, and a silk robe and fluffy slippers for Lance. Lance had yet to stop complaining about how his last pair had been mauled simultaneously by their two puppies. Keith seemed a little worried about the overall price, but quickly assured Shiro it was no problem with a reassuring smile and paid with it all on his credit card. Honestly, if Shiro hadn’t been watching every one of Keith’s emotions, he never would have noticed the small tick of his eyebrow in worry when the price was wrung up.

Now, they sat in the car, classic rock playing in the background. 

“So you only have one day off a week?” Shiro asked, looking through the bags at the set of knives, admiring their perfect colouring and thinking about excitement on Hunk’s face when he opened it. He blinked, trying to keep himself awake for the rest of the car ride, forcing his brain to be active enough to stimulate a conversation. 

Keith nodded, looking around before pivoting into the next lane.

“What is it that you do again?” Shiro asked through a gulp of spit to clear his dry throat.

Keith shrugged, almost self-conscious when rolling his shoulder into himself.

“Oh. I open mornings Monday-Fridays at the shop.”

“The shop?"

“Y’know. Like mechanics? I fix up cars and vehicles for rich families and all that.” He waved off, eyes fixated on the road.

Shiro tried not to let the scowl appear on his face. Keith had been the top pilot of his class, why the hell was he working at such a low paying mechanic job of all things? He knew Keith liked fixing vehicles and admired their inner systems, but that was always a hobby. His real dream had always been to fly in the stars. Where was all that talk? 

Brushing off his own impeding thoughts, Shiro continued asking Keith about his life, trying to pry more answers for his own empty memories.

“And if I’m having a bad day, you call in?”

Keith nodded, biting at his lip.

“Yeah. Like I said, it doesn’t happen too often, and they get my circumstances. So they try and help out when they can.” 

“And they’re just okay with that?” Shiro asked with a certain degree of disbelief.

“I mean, ultimately not really. I’m not considered reliable, but they know I’m a hard worker so I’m given some slack. Also, I just use up my own sick days and holidays for you. It’s fine, I got it covered." 

“What about you?”

“I’m sorry?” Keith couldn’t help but ask, his eyebrows arching in genuine confusion.

“What about when you get sick?” Shiro emphasized.

Keith shook his head, obviously baffled when he let out a stiff laugh.

“I don’t get sick. Can’t afford to.” He offered a wink towards Shiro with a kind smile. “But Vlad’s cooler about it than my other boss.”

Shiro tilted his head. “Vlad?”

“Mhmm.” Keith nodded, looking back through the rearview mirror before locking eyes again on Shiro. “Vladimir Zarkon?”

Keith didn’t understand when Shiro promptly started losing his gut, laughing so hard until he was left hunched over and crying.

“Ahhhhhahah, Vladimir Zarkon? I just- Oh god, I needed that! Aahhahaha!” It was loud, boisterous and whole heartedly perfect, even when he snorted so hard it hurt trying to reign himself in. This in itself forced him into another laughing fit. It furthered the waves of nausea that he felt, but he forced them at bay, the laughing too addicting to stop.

Laughing was the best medication after all. 

In the meanwhile, Keith became tense even though he too was chuckling at Shiro’s obscure behaviour. “What? What? What did I miss?” He couldn’t help but giggle.

“His name. It’s Vladimir _Zarkon_! That’s incredible!” Shiro explained, wiping at a stray tear.

“Well, yeah. It was something either Russian or Polish when his great-grandparents came over, but they couldn’t pronounce or write it, so they shortened it to what the registration people could kind of understand.” Keith explained.

“Okay… Okay...” Shiro giggled with suffering breaths. His vision blanched and he began to feel dizzy, a pulling deeply rooted in his chest became present. It was pushing itself forward, needed to be seen. It hurt as it banged along with his heartbeat. Shiro sucked in a breath, his eyes fluttering when he felt himself sway. He looked at his hand and saw two. 

“And what’s the other job?” Shiro took a final breath, trying to calm himself. He shook his head, forcing his focus on Keith, the Keith who remained smiling brightly, more than Shiro had yet to see all day. It was nice, somehow helping in making Keith that happy.

“Coffee shop downtown. I close Tuesday through Saturday. Which is nice, because on Saturday we close at 10 and not 12.”

Shiro nodded. “Makes sense. You do make a mean cup of coffee.”

“Always have. Didn’t need a coffee shop job to teach me that." 

Keith parked the car in their driveway, and waited until Shiro was up and out before trying to lock it. He waited for Shiro to start walking, Keith falling into a natural pace behind him, watching his back with a desperate intensity.

Obviously the waves of dizziness hadn’t slipped past Keith’s keen eye.

It surprised Shiro. Keith had always been observational, but this was taking it to extremes. His eyes were almost always focused on Shiro and his own movements. He held doors open, made sure Shiro was always walking in front of him, or was within walking distance and within eyesight. He was making sure Shiro’s needs were met before his own, which Shiro noticed when Keith kept giving him more of their limited supply of food.

Shiro figured they only had so much money, since it seemed Shiro didn’t work. Or at least, Keith had yet to tell Shiro what in carnation his job _was._ Keith seemed to be the main source of income, and seemed to be running himself into the ground doing so.

The kid had obviously lost weight, which was worrisome since he had been small and lithe to being with. 

At least _his_ Keith had muscles hiding underneath those loose clothes. Shiro was just worried this one was closer to bones.

Shiro sighed as he mulled it all over. Whatever health problem he had that forced him to take that medication, Keith probably knew Shiro’s triggers or ticks before he even did, and that upset him.

“Hey, Keith? I’m just going to go for a nap, if that’s okay. What time is the party again?”

Keith shut the door quietly, moving around to kick of his shoes with the purchased bags still in his hands. “Sure thing. I’ll just be down here wrapping the gifts anyways. The party’s at seven. So nap your little heart out.” He called, moving around Shiro who started walking up the stairs. Keith entered the kitchen and placed the bags on the counter, not noticing Shiro watching him behind the corner rather than taking his much needed nap.

Shiro couldn’t help but notice how Keith’s back remained tense, drawn up and ridged, as if always ready and concerned. He moved with precision, like every step was a practiced action for a ballet performance. He opened up the door that lead to their backyard, never once relaxing. “Red! Black!” He called out loudly. And almost immediately, two younger looking cats came scattering in, brushing their bushy tails against Keith’s shin.

Keith fell to his knees, scratching at their ears and giving them both the attention they were begging for. The little calico meowed loudly, falling onto her back and exposing her belly and asking for a rub.

The near completely black and fluffly ragdoll pawed at Keith’s feet, and Shiro was surprised they hadn’t name it ‘Mittens’ or ‘Boots’ due to it’s perfectly white paws on each foot. 

Keith stayed still on his knees, making cooing noises to the little animals, which was way too cute in Shiro’s rightful opinion.

“Who wantsa belly rub, huh, Red? Would you like a belly rub? Ohh, Black. I’m not forgetting about you, don’t worry.” He laughed, pushing back at the lifted paw that was clawing at his knee for attention. 

Black seemed to claw for attention, while the little calico, Red, just meowed loudly for her wants.

Shiro smiled, taking in the scene of Keith happily petting the cats before lifting himself up with a rough sigh.

Shiro turned then, the need to nap becoming intense through the deepening ache of his headache.

 

***---***---***---***---***

 

As Shiro slept, he didn’t dream. No. He knew he was asleep and yet had no control over what he was seeing. This wasn’t like anything he’d ever experienced before.

Shiro felt himself leave his body, feeling dazed, confused, and completely broken. His limbs felt heavy as he floated, eyes barely blinking awake.

He felt a kind coolness hit his skin, a spirituality that demanded to be paid attention to through the heavy presence. Shiro awoke to what looked to be the astral plane where he once battled Zarkon for Black’s trust. The remaining brindle of hope that this wasn’t some false memory lifted in Shiro’s chest, a relief falling over his shoulders.

He remained only more confused when he walked around with no real direct path. There seemed to be no real ending place. The last he was here it was for a purpose, this time just seemed to be recreational. He looked at the liquid floor that reflected all around him, the strange pull form his chest now making itself known as the Black Lion, begging for its current paladin to return. The side effects of nausea faded in the back of his mind as he let the connection of Black flood over him. He could sense someone else, though, also calling out to Black. It was unlike Zarkon, less drastic and intense, but it still weakened at Shiro’s own connection. Wherever he was, he was too far away to get a real and complete grip on his lion.

Space fell around him, the sky reflecting on the floor like it was the large white salt flats at Salar de Uyuni and-

That was a strange reference.

Shiro blinked back. He had never been to Salar de Uyuni, but he had memories from it, could see unknown black figures waving towards him when he closed his eyes. They were laughing at him as he held a heavy black camera in both of his human hands. He remembered taking pictures there, the heat hitting his exposed skin, somehow still cooler than the summer air of desert California.

He remembered feeling free, happy, and yet unfulfilled. There was someone who wasn’t there, one single black figure who should have been and still remained missing. Shiro couldn’t grasp their face, only the dark crevice of their shadow lingering in the background of Shiro’s mind.

He felt the energy of the astral plane rise through him, and more images appeared as Black’s bond with him grew. It felt unsteady, shifting in his mind’s grip, but it was there, more hallow and raw than Shiro had felt in a while.

Black felt calm, finding her Paladin through the greying mist of the ridiculous plane. She was there, connecting, sending images, but Shiro still couldn’t reach her. Where was she?

That someone else was still there, too, someone else was there with Black, calling for its attention. Shiro almost let them have it when he felt the bond shift and divert, but the need to see the images overpowered the weaker one’s pull. 

Shiro smiled at the familiarity as Black’s energy flew through him near completely. And with it, Shiro flew.

He was running through scenes of a life that wasn’t his. He was seeing times that had been shared, a growing relationship he hadn’t yet formed, something his but still so private.

He saw Keith on graduation, his gown flowing past his shorter legs, smiling proudly when Shiro hugged him at the end of the walk way in surprise. He’d flown back early from his trip in Bolivia, had been working as an analyst for the garrison doing fieldwork of possible satellite accumulation for hazardous waste. South America was one of these trips, and Shiro had left for a year with Samuel and Matt Holt.

Shiro could see himself falling in love with photography, remembered coming back and falling in love with the art form. The heavy weight of the lens in his palm, creating something that was imitating life was surprisingly more thrilling than Shiro had felt when flying through the simulations at the garrison. This felt more hardy, more real and more tangible that Shiro could get a firm grasp on, rather than just living on the hopes of one day flying.

Photography had instant rewards and thus gratification, flying simply didn’t when done through a practiced simulation. 

He saw Shiro and Keith laughing while they laid on a couch one night, a different apartment laid out as his setting. There was a movie being played in the background, ignored even behind the sirens and beeps of the moving vehicles below. The two men hadn’t paid attention to either. They appeared to be too invested in their conversation, teasing the other with soft pushes and laughing. The other Shiro had innocently reached for his camera, snapping a picture of the shirtless and scandalized Keith. His hair was still a bird’s nest of untamable pieces, but the blush that fell over his features was one of the most beautiful things Shiro had ever laid eyes upon. The image ran blurry, and Shiro was flung through a mosaic of somber events.

Time passed, and the other Shiro continued taking pictures, forcing himself into more risqué locations for better shots. He was rewarded for his hard work and dedication, but he could see Keith becoming more tense along the sidelines. 

He’d even started selling his photography to magazines, earning some side cash while he continued to work at the Garrison. Keith was working too, training to pilot a spacecraft for an upcoming mission to Europa, one of Jupiter’s moons. 

Things were going well for the younger two, but it was ultimately a storm that broke everything apart.

The garrison had been asking for other locations for smaller departments to run their increasing base. They were asking specifically for a higher up area, possibly within the nearby mountains. Shiro had been sent to start scouting.

Shiro had also seen an ad that wanted a lightning strike shot, new and never before seen for 400 dollars.

Shiro just decided to work for both of his jobs at the same time.

He decided to go scouting late at night during one of the largest storms of the year. He figured that if he could get high enough for a good view with already good satellite frequencies during a storm, Shiro had just found the newest location for their secondary and smaller communications base.

He drove out to the bottom of the well known trail, hiking his way up the mountains while watching literal rivers of water run down beside him, making the mud unsteady as it tried to give way beneath his feet

The sinking and slippery mud that ran between his legs made it too difficult of a trail to climb this late at night. So he went off the path when he realized he couldn’t go quickly enough for his desired shot. The storm was passing too quickly.

He rounded a corner, ending up at the rock face and bottom of the heightened cliff. He could feel the exciting devotion running through his proud veins, stimulating him to move like a kid on Christmas morning.

He wasn’t one to do something like this, chase the adrenaline of a storm, but here he was and loving it. He’d left the logical side back at home where Keith was still currently sleeping, too fucked and blissed out to notice Shiro’s missing form beside him. A new adventurous and bold side took its place. The risk seemed to fall below the reward in Shiro’s adrenaline run mind. 

He climbed, nearly slipping and falling a few times. The rain poured on his face, making it hard to see while he climbed forward, reaching up with both of his human hands. Against all odds but perseverance, he reached the top of the plateaued cliff, a single oddly shaped tree blowing in the wind against the rain. Its barren branches shook with fervor, and its two remaining leaves held on with sheer will power. They trembled, just as Shiro’s skin did in his euphoria. He shouted out, yelling a cheer against the powerful and daunting clouds crawling closer towards him.

Shiro crouched next to the tree alongside the loosened and slippery cliff’s edge. 

He set up his camera, waiting for the perfect time.

Thunder could be heard over the rain, and Shiro smiled, his finger pressing against the button. And just as the spark blew out from the clouds, Shiro pressed his finger down. He got the shot, not on but two veiny lightning strikes hitting the town just below him. It was perfect, the colours exploding through the stretching sparks, contrasting light against the falling dark blue rain and greying, almost purple like mammatus clouds. When Shiro looked at his own piece, it felt like he could reach in and hold the large lighting strikes, they were so close. It wasn’t one of those dainty, far away shots. No, Shiro was up close and personal. The bold lines of the photograph displayed his risky uncharacteristic nature.

Shiro felt a sense of pride when he further observed, the spark emitting into the ground and hitting the town, seemingly sparking it to life with its intense electricity. The town remained buzzing and charmingly alive, even against the dense storm.

Shiro got up, beginning to put his camera away when he heard the thunder again, closer, above his head. 

He didn’t have time to move before the lightning struck, and Shiro felt the sparks that he’d seen only through his photograph enter his body, arching his back with a pained scream. He was still too close to the cliff, the rocks still too slippery, his mind too dazed. 

He teetered on the edge as his body swayed back and forth, and he felt a heavy raindrop hit his chest. It was the little pressure his body needed, and Shiro fell backwards. The strangely shaped tree slipped further and further out of his reach, and he just couldn’t understand why.

Shiro didn’t feel it when he landed on his arm.

Shiro watched as an accumulation of tests were run on the body that wasn’t quite his own. He witnessed first hand how he’d just barely made it, his new prosthetic attached like a gift from the modern gods.

Keith sat crying in the hospital chair every night and day that he was allowed. He mostly remained alone, but their friends visited when they could, Shiro’s own parents offering support before heading off to their nightly hotel after knowing their son was still alive.

Keith held his hands those nights, and Shiro felt himself surge with pride for the boy, a warmth of love entering his chest.

The doctors were confused when his body was rejecting the medication, but they soon discovered an allergen they hadn’t noticed before. But they still ran more tests, more scans on his unconscious body. 

It turned out that Shiro would be somewhat okay from the lightning strike, the arm would take some getting used to- 

But what was that? What was showing up in his brain scans?

Why did the white rooms that smelled only like Lysol and chemicals continue long after Shiro had woken up?

Why did Shiro keep needing pills, why was he forgetting memories, why were the painful waves of nausea and dizziniess ensuing?

It turned out that the other Shiro was in worse shape than Keith had let on. The frequent headaches he’d felt had not just been a symptom of the changing weather and a sign of old age, as Keith had joked back in the memories when Shiro had finally woken up.

Shiro watched the other Shiro argue with Keith, long out of the hospital but still in distress. They were sitting at the round kitchen table from before, both crying and yelling. The words were silent to Shiro as he observed on the side, a loud ringing echoing through the darkening scene.

The garrison had fired Shiro for breach of contract. He’d knowingly put himself in danger, going out after hours of garrison labour, crossing boundaries he wasn’t legally allowed.

Keith asked for a raise to support the mass of hospital bills, now that Shiro was laid off. 

It was never granted.

He’d asked for partial sick leave to help Shiro with the upcoming hospital trips.

These too were never granted.

Keith became increasingly frustrated, and lashed out at Iverson after Shiro had his first ‘episode’ and Keith wasn’t there to help him through it. Apparently, Shiro almost died when he ran out into traffic, screaming something out purple cat aliens chasing him, coming after him. They had taken his arm!

In this realm, that was how Iverson obtained the dreadful scar over his eye, Keith’s dagger meeting too close to hardened skin.

Shiro remembered seeing Iverson briefly when he was quarantined after his return, somewhat surprised by the scar Iverson had over his eye that wasn’t there before. 

Somehow Shiro had that sinking feeling that the two incidences from this realm and his own reality weren’t too far apart.

And Shiro drifted through the astral plane, regaining more memories, more events, more times that he himself had never experienced.

The first time the two met, though, was still the same.

Shiro could still picture it, smiling as he memorized word-for-word the exchange.

Keith, a scared little boy who’d just run away from his 9th foster home, so afraid of being sent back to the orphanage that he hid behind a dumpster for 6 days. He was small, malnourished, and obviously had been smacked around a bit.

The younger Shiro ran into the scene that first day, laughing brightly against the 8 am sun. He had found Keith on accident when he almost tripped over him, and it was one of the best accidents of his life.

Shiro had been wanting to prank a friend he walked to school with everyday, and soon hid behind the dumpsters to jump out and scare the other boy, whose name escaped Shiro years later. He bumped into Keith, small, tiny, little nine year old Keith, who still remained like a ball of fire and light. He yelled up at him and told him to watch where he stepped ( _he was standing on Keith’s makeshift bed for Godsake! Who raised him, wolves?_ Keith berated). Twelve year old Shiro didn’t know how to react, and instead gave him his sandwich each day on his way to school, and an apple on his way back. He found out Keith went to his school, and felt his heart thump loudly against his chest when he realized no one had yet tried reporting Keith as missing.

Keith showed up in the same clothes and empty backpack day in and day out, and no one noticed.

So Shiro decided to be that force in his life, that factor of support that everyone needed. Shiro promised to show Keith more love and care than anyone ever had.

He promised Keith a forever.

The younger boy never lived with the Shirogane’s, Takashi’s Dad too ill to adopt and take care of another child (and after such a recent divorce too!) but he may as well have.

Keith was relocated time and time again after Social Services figured it out three weeks later.

Whenever a care home or the orphanage turned sour which ½ times it did, Keith would run to Shiro’s, staying safe and protected under the warmth of the shared sheets.

Their beginning never changed, Shiro noticed.

And finally the other’s calling of Black became too strong, too frantic, too in need for Shiro to remain in charge. He let go of the bond with the Lion and finally fell into the head of the control panel. He could finally see who it was that he had been mentally battling against for control. 

Shiro was surprised to instead find himself watching as a fight raged in front of him. Explosions ripped dust and machines apart, and the pieces were sent flying right into the glass. He observed, not sitting in his usual seat but watching from behind as someone else piloted, shouting orders. 

“-nce! Watch out! Hunk, get in front of Pidge and help dodge the attacks. Stay behind us and keep them at a distance. Lance, you and me are going to attack the base. Alright?” A muffled response could be heard, and Keith, _his Keith_ , jutted the controls forward, moving Black with confidence and precision that was as accurate as his movements in the kitchen.

Had Keith always been that on edge? 

Shiro couldn’t help but reach out, couldn’t stop himself before calling out ‘ _Keith’_. He just barely saw a flash of black hair turn to him before he was swept away into oblivion, taken away from the ongoing battle. He never did see his Keith’s face.

Shiro opened his eyes, and found himself back in the bedroom, still cocooned underneath the livid blue duvet as the opened window left a cool breeze running through the room.

 

***---***---***---***---***

 

“I have a tumor.” Was all Shiro said to make his entrance known.

Keith had been napping across the leather chair, a book fallen open in his lap and a cat over his legs and another resting on the armrest. His face was smooshed into the white leather like a pillow, and Shiro could already feel the kink that Keith was going to have in his neck later on.

He jumped up when Shiro made the announcement, and the cats took off.

“Wh-what?” He asked wildly, hair tossed and wild. He was forcing his mind awake, unsure of what was happening. Shiro noticed how he still remained on edge, always afraid, and yet ready in case anything were to happen.

He was always painfully prepared.

“I have a tumor. I’m dying.” Shiro took a seat on the opposite side of Keith, arms in his lap and his eyes staring at the wide-eyed boy. Keith’s jaw was left opened. He gulped, slowly forcing himself into a sitting position rather than lying with his feet over the arm rest as though it were a couch. The book fell to the ground, but Keith didn’t try and pick it up.

“You remember.” He spoke with unblinking eyes. 

“I remember bits and pieces. I don’t know what I have or how long I’ve had it or any other vital information. All I know is that it’s there, and we found out when they were running scans after getting this.” Shiro said, pointing towards his own arm.

Keith gulped, feeling sick.

“It’s called Stage 4 Glioblastoma.” He started to explain with a shake to his voice. “Err- at least that’s half of it. They found it too late and it’s malignant. You have maybe a year left…”

“Why’d you say it was okay, then?”

“Because on bad days, it only frightens you more and sends you into a frenzie.” Keith quickly defended, breaths quickening.

Shiro nodded. He rubbed his fingers over his bottom lip, thinking over the information. “And why did you say it’s only half of it.”

“Because,” Keith sighed, heavy and unhappy, “Because Gliobastoma is a cancerous brain tumour. It causes nausea, headaches, and even memory impairment. But it doesn’t cause hallucinations or episodes like you have. They think the lightning may have changed your brain chemistry, or something… but Glioblastoma doesn’t cause that. So. Mystery unsolved.” 

Shiro clenched his metal arm, having now other theories for that pivotal development but felt rather unwilling to share them.

“Well, I guess that’s a mystery that soon won’t matter, though.” He humorlessly joked.

Keith threw his head up, eyes shining when he shook his head. 

“No. No, don’t say that Shiro. You still have time. See?” He launched forward, grabbing at Shiro’s hand and pressing into it. He forced Shiro to look at him from his voice alone, his unblinking eyes having more to say than Keith would ever say aloud.

“You’re here today, you’re lucid and walking, and that’s great! That’s actually way better than you’ve been all last week! The doctors say you only have a year but there might be more. We might still have time, I think.”

Shiro sighed, biting his lip while he watched Keith remain in denial. 

“And what about after? I know we’re already in debt because of me. You’re working two jobs just to support us: the house, the car, the bills. And you’re killing yourself doing it-“

“Don’t talk about after, it’s not happening soon, Shiro! And anyways, I’m doing it because it’s you and I know you’d do the same for me, so please! _Shut. Up. Takashi._ ” There was a venom there, an underlying anger that resonated within Keith.

Shiro would call himself afraid if he hadn’t ever seen it before.

But he had, was actually very well acquainted with it really. It was the same underlying anger that Keith spent most of his youth dwelling in. He never yelled and threw tantrums at specific people as it so often appeared, but rather at the realization that he couldn’t control any of his situations.

His parents left him, his foster care parents were typically shit, Shiro was dying. These were things he couldn’t control, and instead of crying about it, he became angry, and then dissociated himself so he wouldn’t have to feel.

It was a dark mechanism that left Keith feeling more alone than he’d care to admit.

The grey fell over the violet eyes as Keith moved himself away from Shiro. He transferred onto autopilot as he sighed and walked towards the kitchen. He differed to internalizing the situation, needing to be inside his own head where it was actually quiet for once. 

“Want coffee?’ He asked, voice raw and faded.

Shiro stood up, Black moving to rub against his foot before the little cat patted away.

Shiro followed Keith into the kitchen, watching as he grabbed the coffee grinds and poured them into the machine. He opened the cabinet just above his head, lifting the two mugs with a slight shake of his hands. He eyed Shiro’s carefully, mulling over it like Shiro was already gone.

Shiro couldn’t help it; he moved behind Keith and wrapped his arms around the bony waist. 

He pressed his scarred nose into the arch of Keith’s ridged back, holding him close when Keith began to cry.

 

***---***---***---***---***

 

Keith crying was much like Keith doing anything else. It was silent and more internalized. There were small, barely there tremors that he had complete control of the entire time. Keith rarely let himself go, which Shiro figured the kid plainly needed. But Keith was stubborn here as he was everywhere else- he wasn’t going to allow anyone or himself see him lose it.

So he cried in silence, breathing in harsh breathes when Shiro rubbed his back and only let a few sobs escape his dry throat.

It took twenty minutes for him to calm down, another twenty minutes in the shower to clean up, and then apparently it was time to go.

Shiro took everything in stride, following Keith like a lost puppy even if Shiro thought that Keith really should be staying in for the night.

They were late arriving to Hunk and Lance’s get together, but were surprisingly not the last to show up. Coran and Allura always won that particular category.

Apparently this was something the group did once a month since graduating, trying to stay in contact with their group of best friends they made at the garrison. Keith was on edge, as always, and it didn’t go past anyone else’s eyes. It just showed the camaraderie they had built as a tight knit group.

When the door opened, Lance promptly brought Keith in for a strong hug, frowning slightly when he took in Keith’s still puffy and reddened face. He patted his shoulder, forcing Keith into the warmth of the more extravagant one bedroom condo before turning to Shiro with a light smile.

They all knew the situation, so Shiro just needed to play along for one evening. He could do that, couldn’t he? He felt a little tear in his chest, something moving away, deteriorating along with a blurring eye sight. It split completely in two, and Shiro didn’t know exactly what, but the other half drifted away from his loosening grasp. 

Shiro pushed the strange sensation away for the time being, trying not to stumble forward.

“Shiro, my main man! How’re you doin’ today?!” Lance brightly asked, bringing Shiro in for a bro hug.

Shiro smiled at the twenty-two year old. It was nice surprise, noticing the rise in stature and how he was now about the same height as Shiro. He seemed to still be skinny, but Shiro could tell through the black muscle shirt and blue cardigan sweater that Lance had gained muscle, a slight bulkiness showing in places where it hadn’t used to be. There was a nice definition, Shiro thought, and he figured his Lance would be proud of himself as well. 

Lance’s slightly older features had become sharper, eyes somehow kinder, hair still the same length. 

Shiro smiled and nodded, patting Lance on the back.

“Good. I’m good today.” He decided.

Lance offered a knowing look, but forced it aside when he grabbed Shiro’s arm and brought him into the condo.

“Welcome to our humble abode!” He welcomed with joy.

“Lance you say that all the time.” A new voice said, turning the corner.

“That’s because I mean it all the time!”

Hunk came up behind Lance, wrapping an arm around his waist before placing a kind kiss on his cheek.

“Hey, Shiro. How are you doing today?” Hunk turned towards Shiro with a softness that just balanced on the edge of pity.

Shiro smiled.

“I’m good, Hunk. How are you? It’s been a while.”

Hunk offered a head tilt before moving from Lance to also hug Shiro. “Well, yeah, I mean, I guess if you count two days as a while.” He stated sheepishly.

Right. It hasn’t been a while for everyone else. It’s only really been a full day, a twenty four hour period of pure confusion that had felt like eons for Shiro.

But sure, two days wasn’t that long of a while for anyone else living a normal life.

Shiro kicked off his shoes at the door, moving with Lance and Hunk into their very quaint condo in the upper sect of town.

Huh. Lance and Hunk did well from themselves, Shiro remarked as he walked around their living room. It was well decorated and furnished, with pictures of their friends and families hanging on the walls. There was a stonewall that held a fire place and a large 50’ plasma screen TV, which was currently playing music through the Bluetooth speakers built into the roof of each room in the condo.

Shiro stopped just before the grand wrap around couch, noticing what was hung above it. 

Lance and Hunk had placed their garrison diplomas side by side above the luscious piece of furniture, a focal point of the room in Shiro’s mind.

The condo had a wrap around patio too, and glass doors that pulled Shiro out towards them. He drifted outside alone, Keith’s eyes narrowing on his back the entire time- but he never followed. 

Shiro stood on the ledge against the railing, looking down on the ants he called people. In was incredible how life still continued moving when everything else was going to shit.

This was all still too confusing.

“Drink, Shiro?” Lance asked, coming up behind the man with a wary look to his face. He had approached silently, watching Shiro as Shiro watched everything else. It startled the slightly taller man, but he felt relief nonetheless when he turned around to just see his intruder as Lance. 

“Water, thanks.” 

“Awhh, come on. It’s a get together, one drink won’t hurt.” Shiro then noticed the pale red looking beverage being offered from Lance’s hand. It was filled in a cold looking wine glass, and Shiro felt guilty for wanting to immediately take it.

He tried to give his mind a break; he hadn’t had alcohol in ages and just genuinely missed the taste. But he didn’t know the ramifications with his medicine, so he held up his hand.

“That’s okay, Lance. Really I’m fine.”

Lance offered a lopsided grin. “It’ll be fine, Shiro. I know you’re worried about sugar and all that, but one glass of cranberry juice won’t hurt you.” He said with a wink.

Shiro’s jaw fell a little, laughing when he gave Lance a small, teasing shove. 

Lance snorted, moving out of the way and dodging the soft hit.

“But actually, though. I have my own wine I want to drink, and I know Keith wants you to have something a little higher in calories before dinner.”

At the mention of Keith, the two turned towards the rest of the group where the younger man remained. Keith sat on the couch just underneath the two diplomas, laughing at a joke Hunk was telling. Pidge came around the corner from the open kitchen alongside Matt, holding out a platter of hors d’oeuvre. Keith took two, biting into one while he placed the other in an offered napkin from Matt.

Lance sighed, knowing he was saving it for Shiro. 

“So, cranberry juice?” Lance offered again with a knowing smile.

“You know me too well.”

He practically shoved the ice cold cranberry juice into Shiro’s larger hands, his smile boasting his win while he tried to remained nonchalant. So Lance shrugged. “Just know your weak points.” Lance said in earnest. He picked up his own wine from behind him, cheering his glass with Shiro as they remained on the patio on outside.

The two leaned over the balcony, looking at the tall apartment buildings just across the street. The desert sun was setting, offering a blinding streak of yellow, oranges, and reds piercing into Shiro’s eyes from the opposite glass windows.

“You look good today.” Lance detailed, looking away from Shiro’s catching eyes.

“Thanks, Lance. I feel good.” He responded, squinting through his eyelashes.

The conversation drifted off, an obvious tension lingering in the air between the two. Shiro didn’t like it. This felt unnatural for himself and Lance, and not a predicament he usually had to deal with unless Lance was angry with Keith for whatever reason. 

“How’s work going?” Shiro tried, having no real idea what Lance or Hunk did for their somewhat extravagant life style.

“Works great,” Lance nodded. “Yeah, I have about eleven papers to grade for Monday, but I’ll make it. I always do.” He smiled, sipping at his wine.

Okay: papers, grading. Teacher?

Huh. Lance had always been good with kids, so that wasn’t completely out of the realm of possibilities. 

“What were the papers on?” Shiro pressed, swirling the cranberry juice around in his glass.

Lance’s eyes narrowed, drawing a conclusion to what Shiro was actually asking him.

“They were actually a response paper to my own thesis about Darwin’s first proposed Fission Hypothesis. Umm, y’know, possible origins of the moon?” Shiro knew the fission hypothesis, had argued against it at the garrison his first year, since he had always been more of a believer of the capture hypothesis theory, which concluded that the moon was actually a small orbiting planet that just naturally fell into Earth’s gravitational pull. It appeared that Lance did not agree with this, however.

“Being a professor at the Garrison has its perks. You have free editors at every corner.” He chided. 

 _Oh._ That… huh. Not exactly what Shiro ever pictured Lance doing, but then again, Lance was a man of surprises. So surprising Shiro with becoming an academic scholar, and working as professor for the upperclassmen at the garrison didn’t seem too odd. And suddenly the higher end apartment didn’t seem so out of reach. 

“And Hunk?” Shiro asked.

Lance sighed heavily at that, his eyes drifting off as he thought that particular situation over.

“The big lug tries so hard, y’know?” He confessed, throwing out his hands with worry. His wine almost spilled over the ledge he was so enthused by this apparent problem. “I know he loves his job, and he’s a great engineer, but he works himself too hard. It worries me, and there’s this problem with the Chief Coordinator who is just a fucking bully. Like I know Hunk can handle it, but all the negativity can wear him down…. But, ugh, nevermind. He is doing good, I promise. Tired but good.”

The tense air came back.

Shiro took a sip of the cranberry juice, Lance chugging some of his own wine.

He was about to excuse himself at the same time Lance questioned _‘so about Keith,_ ’ with a dark glare, when a burst of noise came from inside. Both Shiro and Lance turned their heads, regarding the scene. Allura, Nyma, Rolo and Coran all came in together, holding a large cake, multiples boxes of various chocolate and a few bottles of wine.

Huh, Shiro thought. His past self was right about the gift idea. 

The new comers did a walk around the room, hugging and greeting everyone with a hug and kiss on everyone’s cheeks. Keith didn’t seemed turned off by this, smiling through it and offering his own kisses back. The group turned to the closed patio doors, waving wildly at Lance and Shiro to come back through the glass. 

Lance offered a somewhat pathetic wave with his free hand. 

“Welp, guess that’s our queue. Let's get back inside.” 

The party continued on, appetizers being shoved at him, pitying glances being thrown his way. Keith eventually made his way back to Shiro’s side after having downed only one beer and plenty of water. He needed to stay sober to drive back that evening. He offered Shiro the saved napkin of randomly assorted appies he’d found, trying to get Shiro to eat.

Even though Shiro wasn’t hungry, had actually felt quite ill since the car ride and the lingering side effects of the dream and whatever the fuck _that was_ back at the door, but he ate the food without complaint. 

It was only because Keith had asked him too, anyways.

But as the evening dragged on, it was obvious that the tension hadn’t only been between himself and Lance. It seemed to linger around everyone. No one seemed angry at him, but no one seemed to know how to approach him like a human being either. 

Shiro guessed that Keith had let everyone know what kind of day it was, but it had left a sour taste in his mouth.

At one point, Lance asked Keith to help him sort out some stuff in the kitchen, which Keith obliged to doing. He noticed the determined look on Lance’s face, placing a hand on Keith’s upper back as he led him out of the room, trying to crack a joke.

Shiro lifted an eyebrow from his own curiosity. He slowly made his way around the room, taking in the sights and having half hearted conversations with Nyma and Rolo before finding himself pressed against the wall that lead towards the kitchen.

He began to eavesdrop, listening to the hushed tones of Keith and Lance.

“He’s getting worse, I just think you should really look at your options and consider-“

“Don’t say it, Lance. He already said it today and I don’t want to hear it _again._ ” Keith interrupted with a deep sigh, Shiro hearing him shuffling around like a mouse. Something sounding like a cabinet then slammed shut, Lance’s elephant like stomps becoming a funny contrast to Keith’s own quieter nature.

“I’m just worried, okay? You know that’s why I’m saying this.” Shiro could hear Lance bicker. He looked briefly around the corner, watching Keith and Lance leaning over the counter top as they arranged candles on the cake.

Lance turned around, opening a cabinet and pulling out side plates while Keith grabbed the needed utensils.

“Want another drink?” Lance offered when Keith hadn’t responded. 

“No thanks. I have to drive.”

Lance sighed and pulled up towards Keith. He reached for his shoulder, massaging the bundle of knots lightly. “Jesus, you need to relax, man.”

“And you need to butt out of my life, Lance.” Keith spoke sternly, a face so angry and scary that Zarkon would probably take a step back. 

Lance didn’t, and instead crossed his arms seemingly awaiting the challenge.

“He’s not the same anymore, man. You have to let go, or else he’s going to take you with him. And I for one can’t let that happen.”

“And what would I do then Lance? Be on my own forever? And why would I just leave him, now of all times?! Would you do that to Hunk?”

At Lance’s quiet response and downward shift of his eyes, Keith stepped back. “He only has so much time left, Lance. I’m not going to waste it.”

“But you’re wasting it now working two jobs trying to pay the bills. I keep offering! You know me and Hunk have been talking, it’s fine if-” 

“Stop Lance. Just…. Stop.” 

“We’re always here, Keith. You know that. I just don’t like to see you running yourself to the ground. I know you love Shiro, we all do, but sometimes, like now? You have to let go.”

“I can’t, Lance.” Keith whispered, biting his lip and moving his head forward so his bangs covered his eyes. “I can’t leave him.” 

Lance moved around the counter, grabbing Keith and pulling him into a tight bear hug. Keith shuddered, but relaxed in his Lance’s grip. Lance rubbed his hands up and down his friends back, soothing away the tension. 

“And I can’t watch you suffer in silence anymore, man. You’ve been so strong for Shiro through this entire thing. But you need to relax too, you need to sleep and take care of yourself. You’ve lost even more weight, and don’t even try to tell me differently.”

Keith sucked in a breath, but didn’t try to argue, knowing his position was mute at this point.

He pulled away, rubbing at his eyes, his back still turned to Shiro.

“You need to look after you, or else you’re just going to die along with him and all those hallucinations he keeps coming up with.” 

“It just hurts.” Keith confessed, voice as small as he appeared while he scratched at his elbow. “He was my first real best friend. It was the first time I felt like I had a family. He was someone who noticed me and stuck by me through all… the stupid shit I’ve done.” Keith’s voice shook. He ran a hand through his darkening feature, his deep lavender eyes still downcast and on the tiled floor. Lance remained strong and silent, being Keith’s own needed right hand man and rock of support.

Shiro sucked in a breath.

“He promised me a forever. It just sucks watching his mind tear itself apart with all these fake thoughts. You know when I called you this morning? Afterwards he talked about that Kerberos thing again, like it was real, like it had actually happened. I just don’t know what to do anymore, Lance. I cant-“ Keith stopped, breathing in a deep breath.

“I’m not leaving him, and I’m not even going to consider it. It just hurts having to watch from the sidelines when he’s on deaths door. And there’s nothing I can do but make the ride less painful.”

Lance held his shoulder, rubbing at it through the entirety of Keith’s monologue.

Shiro could tell that Keith was having a difficult time piecing himself back together after that. He’d already had a rough day, this just seemed to be the tip of the iceberg. 

“Lets- lets get this cake out there, shall we?” Keith said, a little too loudly to be anything genuine. 

In the distance, Shiro heard thunder begin to roar, and he instantly turned to walk away, just barely tripping over two empty dog dishes. He stopped, looked to the names and almost broke into a hysterical laugh when he saw they were name read ‘Blue’ and ‘Yellow’.

He hated this. The second guessing, the not understanding what was happening, the idea that no one believed him nor ever would. That angered him the most. He knew if he brought up any of his theories or ideas he’d just be called crazy, sent away to the looney bin on the idea that this was just another bad day.

Is this what all ‘crazy’ people dealt with? Was it the anger of not being believed that drove them to the asylums? He knew he wasn’t crazy, he knew that all those adventures in space were real.

… Weren’t they?

Shiro tried to remain alone, tried to stay out of harms way. He felt that he was too on edge, too near his breaking point to have a well thought out and pliable conversation. Allura and Pidge made their rounds, spending a comfortable amount of time speaking with him about mundane and easy topics before taking off when Lance and Keith returned with the cake. They cut it into small pieces, handing them out to everyone in the room. 

Matt was the one to give Shiro his piece, falling onto the couch beside him in silence afterwards. Matt lingered around longer, less sure of what to do and offering less of a conversation, but Shiro just enjoyed the presence nonetheless, happy to be seeing his friend’s alive and perfectly fine face.

He only hoped that his Matt would one day be just as well as this one.

If his Matt was actually real, that is. 

The straw that broke the camels back was with Coran. Err- Dr. Coran, to be official. He sat down, tweaking his beard between his fingers before turning to Shiro and placing a palm onto his stretched out knee.

Keith pointed an eyebrow, siting down beside Shiro. He was chewing slowly at his own piece of cake, a little unsure of Shiro’s now stunted behaviour.

“And Shiro, my boy. How are you today? Keith told me that today is a bad day.”

Shiro gave a lighthearted smile, feeling pretty drained from the whole social interaction thing.

“I’m good, Coran. I promise.” He said minutely, his voice raw and slightly pained.

“Mhmmm.” Coran said, nodding profusely. “And you’ve been taking your pills?”

Shiro’s eye twitched. “As far as I can remember, yes." 

Coran sighed loudly, shaking his head.

“I see, well. In any case, if your cognitive impairment seems to progress further, it could further provide the idea that the glioblastoma is progressing into stage 5. Has there been any increased intracranial pressure? Headaches or even seizures I should be made aware? You know what they say, never not tell your doctor-“

Coran’s voice faded out, a ringing in Shiro’s ears that slowly took over the room with its increasing pressure. Shiro could feel the familiar calling of the lion, so stretched out like a piece of rope. It was extending to the point of ripping apart, shredding itself from within. 

But it was there. It had to be, right? That was the lion, and not just something Shiro’s mind was conjuring up, right?

This feeling was too real, too familiar for it to be anything other than false. _Please._ Shiro all but begged. _Please be real._ He grimaced, tightening his hands against the leather. His vision tilted again, going blurry and colours became astray and disassembled. He breathed out, a crack of lightning pulling Shiro away from the waves of confusion and abstract reality.

He blinked, returning to the couch with a perfect visual. Everything whipped back to normal, so quickly Shiro was left in a daze. Coran was still talking his left ear off.

“And that’s why Alfor never lets me near the projection monitors, ahhhaha good times.” Coran yipped, wiping away at a nonexistent tear from his laughing streak. He still held a happy face, a false calm before the storm when he abruptly asked: “And any more talk about that obnoxious Kerberos thing?”

Keith visibly jumped, turning towards Coran. “Err, C-Coran! Let’s not-“ He tried, startled. But Shiro patted at his outstretched arm, lowering it down and Keith offered a confused look.

“It’s okay, Keith. Really.” Shiro spoke gently, honestly. Darkly. Keith’s mouth remained open while he blinked. He listened to the dismal tone and immediately fell back into the position of silent and stoic supporter." 

“No, Coran.” Shiro lied, anger rising and pushing out of his chest. “There hasn’t been anymore talk about that obnoxious Kerberos thing; or about space or Voltron or the Galra or the Lions or the Alteans or anything else absurd like that!” He yelled out, shouting at Coran who only continued to flex his moustache with a perfect façade. He didn’t seem bothered at all by Shiro’s outburst, only moving closer towards the larger man.

Shiro tried to scoot back, but realized that Keith was sitting right behind him and doing so would mean crushing the poor boy. 

So Coran eyed him carefully, getting too close to Shiro’s face for comfort.

“Prrroomise?” He begged the question, bringing up his pinkie.

“Promise.” Shiro said, his voice weak and breaking, embracing Coran’s pinkie finger wit his own. And with that Coran grabbed his wine and left.

Shiro looked around the tense room, no one but himself feeling the wafts of pressure. He was getting worried now, thee self-doubt rising further behind his eyes. What if what everyone was asking, what if all their worries were true?

Maybe all those stories about Voltron and the lions had just been made up; a false memory in Shiro’s overly vivid imagination only created by the chemical imbalance he developed during his comatose state from that goddamn lightning strike.

Maybe Shiro was crazy…

He excused himself to the bathroom in a rush, leaving his glass of cranberry juice on the counter before locking the bathroom door. He placed his hands against the counter, trying to breath against the quickened pace of his heart. His chest rose and fell against the pressure that was rising, trying to get him to break, yell, scream, do _something_.

Shiro grunted, slapping his hand over his heart and stumbling back. His back hit with a harsh slam against the bathtub rim, and he fell onto the cold linoleum tile.

Suddenly there was that pull again, only this time happening at full force. It was that something finally familiar when his eyes blurred through the artificial light.

He could hear the calls, see the images being transmitted into his mind, and he could have cried from this alleviation. Shiro did almost cry from relief.

The pull of energy continued to call out to him, weak but present and ever growing. Shiro blinked quickly while he regained his breathing. 

His lion was making contact with him, sending him saw a black and white shot of lightning, the tearing of the wind against the rustling leaves of a single tree on a cliff.

He smiled, understanding what he was being told.

When Keith finally came and knocked on the door, asking Shiro if he was okay, Shiro smiled. He was washing his face with the cold water within the heated air. He shouted back that he’d just be another minute, that he was fine. He looked towards himself, regarding his own reflection, older and more wise than he’d ever seen. 

He wasn’t crazy.

Or else his metal arm wouldn’t be glowing that Galran purple right now.

 

***---***---***---***---***

.

Keith waited outside for Shiro, offering a glass of ice water and a concerned look when he finally emerged. He leaned against the wall, arms crossed and expression guarded.

“You okay?” 

Shiro’s smiled wavered.

“Fantastic.”

He felt it, could see it as thought the events were displayed on two blurred together screens. The alternate realities were still one, but there were different decisions made thus creating the different settings. The two images were still blending though, in Shiro’s mind, fuzzy along the edged line and he couldn’t quite grasp which he was living. In the other timeline, this scene didn’t go as well because Shiro decided to fight it, decided not to run with it tonight. He yelled back at Coran, explained what his theory was: ‘ _There are alternate universes. He was from another one, your Shiro isn’t wrong! He’s just seeing things from a Universe that wasn’t his and he was living with the effects.’_

There were rules for these types of scenarios, laws of physics set in place, and both Shiros had, somehow, accidentally broke them. And now Keith was suffering the consequences, in both this universe and his.

His own dimension took the cranberry juice out of Keith’s hand, taking a swift chug of the sickly sweet taste. 

He felt more confident, happier, more calm now from knowing the truth. He was content, a change in emotion that even Keith could read.

“Shiro?” He asked at the difference of personality. 

Shiro shrugged, reaching for Keith’s waist to pull him in for a deep kiss. 

Their lips lingered together, Keith oblivious and unsure of what was happening. He kept his eyes opened, trying to read the situation when Shiro deepened it, pulling Keith closer. 

Keith offered a cute sound, finally closing his eyes and practically melting in Shiro’s arms, tugging tightly against his shirt. 

Shiro pulled back after feeling satisfied, Keith’s hands now stretching out and probably ruining his shirt. 

He didn’t mind. He looked at Keith, their faces so close that their heated breath could be felt against every skin pore.

“Hey.” Shiro said, eyes trying to focus on this reality, this Keith that seemed to force him back into his own body, bring him back into the timeline.

Keith smiled. “Hey.” 

“We don’t want to miss the festivities. The special reason why we’re here should be happening soon, right?” Shiro offered, voice haughty and deep. Keith stopped, turned to look at the clock in the kitchen in shock.

“Huh, you’re right.” 

Shiro let go of Keith’s waist and instead pulled at his hand, leading them back to the living room where everyone sat, listening to Lance’s wild story. They sat back in their original place on the couch, sharing it with Coran and Allura. Pidge and Matt sat on the floor just in front of Shiro’s knees. Nyma sat on Rolo’s lap, both of them sharing the cushioned chair in the corner.

The only one missing was Hunk.

Lance took center stage of the faux circle, the moonlight fading in through cracks of the patio’s door. The light above him was left dim, and the blank 50’ TV installed to the rock wall above the fireplace reflected Lance’s gesturing form. He swung his wine around, the blush on his skin not from embarrassment.

More likely from being on his fourth glass of wine.

“So anyway,” Lance laughed out, stumbling a little. “Here I am, my foot is totally stuck in there, I’m freaking out, the dog’s having a seizure and I still got a half a pie left-“

“Uhh, Lance?” Hunk said, coming back into the room. He fell behind Lance, touching his side.

“Ohh, Hunk! You’re just in time, I’m getting to the best part where-“

“Hey, Lance, maybe that can wait?” Hunk reached for Lance’s cheek kindly, moving his hand gently against the perfectly soft skin. 

Shiro saw Pidge move, pulling out a camera that was hidden beneath her lap. Shiro watched, vomit rising in his throat as the two different visions came back in full, Keith no longer in his line of sight to keep him present. At the same time as the proposals commence, Shiro felt the world shift, the unsteady waves of nausea slowly hitting and building up until now. He vision finally and literally split into two, and his head exploded out, having to watch two different conversations. The different events had moved forward at the same time, and the separate conversations took place between the fuzzy lines of the quantum realities. He felt a sturdy hand land on his, and suddenly Shiro's world completely tilted.

 

_X.X.X._

_In the opposite reality that Shiro could see, and yet strangely felt not apart of, the other other Shiro was at the center of everyone’s undivided attention, sitting on Hunk’s and Lance’s perfect couch. Everything was still blurry and jittering, like Shiro was inside a static TV, watching things he shouldn’t be. The sepia tones coloured over the room, making everything more abnormal, more cumbersome than his own reality. Keith was on his knees with his hands on Shiro’s lap, a mirror image of the exact scene earlier that morning._

_“Voltron. Kerberos. The Lions. Zarkon. Those words aren’t fiction.” Shiro stated, arguing his minute point. No one was believing him anyway, but he felt the need to argue it to his death._

_“They are actual events that have taken place, changed the course of my own life. Your Shiro wasn’t wrong. Whatever he sees during his episodes isn’t a craze, it’s actually happening. Just not in this universe.” He explained cautiously._

_Lance stood behind Keith, arms crossed and protective. Lance was still red, but only on his second glass of wine before Shiro’s outburst, causing the happy evening to turn towards him._

_“Guys, I really think we should bring him to the hospital. We don’t want to see this get any worse. What am I saying, this already is worse!”_

_Keith didn’t move. Didn’t sigh. Didn’t speak. He didn’t do much of anything while he took in Shiro’s epic tale. Shiro grew concerned._

_“Maybe he’s actually speaking the truth. I mean, quantum realities isn’t actually mathematically impossible, so the concept isn’t too hard believe.” Pidge pipped up from the kitchen table, her hand holding up her chin with intrigue. Matt stood beside her, arms crossed and worry written on his face._

_Lance looked aghast. “Pidge, you can’t actually be listening to this!”_

_X.X.X._

Shiro heard Keith gasp to his side, and Shiro was slammed back into his body from the other overtoned universe. He imagined that the gasp he heard was just from his own one scene in this reality. He looked up, breathing out in pain. He bit back a small moan, trying to render himself conscious. He clutched his hand into someone’s pant leg, feeling the soft, loose cloth fiddled underneath his tense palm. They shifted, but never moved away.

In the middle of the circle, Lance tiled his head confused.

“Oh, sure Hunk. Anything for you!” He moved to walk away, for Hunk to take center stage to say that his next round of appetizers were ready or whatever- but he was clearly very wrong. 

Hunk reached for Lance’s arm, pulling him back. Lance stumbled into Hunk’s chest, pulling himself away in embarrassment, rubbing a hand over his face.

“Sorry, Hunk, sorry! I didn’t mean-“ 

That’s when Hunk shut him up, placing his whole hand over Lance’s mouth. “Lance, I’ve loved you since you told Iverson to go suck a dick when he said I never should have been accepted into the garrison.” Hunk began, voice a little too quick to keep up with.

“Dick deserved it…” Lance muttered under his breath, still confused as Hunk lifted his hand off of his mouth. He still held onto Lance’s arm though, needed a beacon of support right now. 

Even if the thing he was most scared of was what he was holding onto, in a situation he created… Yeah, this was too intelligent.

Hunk shook his head. “You throw yourself into everything you do, and because of such you never do anything half way. It’s always full way and over the top and perfect.” Hunk was rubbing Lance’s hand, and now Lance’s red cheeks increased and this time it wasn’t from the alcohol. “You’re kind, and sweet, and you worry, and you self-doubt when you totally shouldn’t, but you’re also so cool, and confident, and beautiful, and loud, and opinionated even when you honestly shouldn’t be like that one time with my Mother’s china set-“

“Hunk,” Pidge warned from the ground, and Hunk stuttered, blushing. “Oh, right. Sorry.” He turned back to Lance, regaining his lost composure.

“You first asked me out by yelling it over the school’s cafeteria intercom during lunch, in front of all our friends. And so that’s why, we’re here today to return the favour, in a room full of our friends.” Hunk smiled, drifting away from Lance’s hands and falling to his knee.

“Lance McClain, You’ve always been there for me, and I hope to always do the same for you. So I was hoping to make it official… Uhh- Will you marry me?” He brought out the crimson velvet box, opening it to display a shining diamond ring with a platinum band.

Lance remained, for the first time in his life, completely speechless. He looked at the shining, glimmering stone, perched in the hands of the kind man he loved to death.

With hands over his mouth, and tears in his eyes, Lance couldn’t say yes. So he just nodded his head slowly, grabbing the box and throwing his arms around Hunk’s neck.

Hunk stood up, wrapping his own arms around Lance, inhaling the gentle scent of his cologne. A round of applause erupted through the room, Coran and Rolo simultaneous whistled with their fingers.

Shiro reached for Keith’s hand after Keith finished weakly clapping, red rimmed eyes back from that afternoon.

Hunk and Lance remained in their own world, swaying alongside each other as they hugged, not even noticed the scene around them or the flashes of the many cameras.

Allura got up from her spot next to Coran, and immediately started piling in the congratulation presents hidden in the closet that they knew Lance wasn’t going to go into that evening.

Hunk breathed out, the heat raising goosebumps on Lance’s sensitive skin. “By the way, I also got permission from both your parents before doing this.”

Lance let out a loud sob.

_X.X.X._

_Shiro turned back into the opposing, obscure timeline. He left alone and detached. Keith wasn’t at his side. Why wasn’t Keith at his side? Where was he?! He tried to call out in his confusion, but found his mouth too dry to speak._

_Everything was blurry, painful, all colours disgusting yellows, purples and greens. They mixed together, and not at all how they should or even were before. It just looked like literal abstract chunks of vibrantless and toneless colours, fading over his friends forms._

_He ruined the night here. He just had to open his damned mouth. Why’d he open his damned mouth? Couldn’t he suffer the pitying looks just a little more?_

_Couldn’t he?_

_X.X.X._

 

“Shiro?” Shiro was brought back to the first Keith, the one he’d woken up to, looking at him worriedly. “Shiro, are you okay? I don’t understand-“ He tried to whisper, trying not to ruin Lance and Hunk’s perfect night. When he looked at Keith, the world became clear, the tilting and bold colours lessened. Shiro breathed, trying to refocus. 

The steady pain erupted and he fell forward with a small groan, looking downwards to a laughing Pidge and Matt, taking pictures of the scene during his mad confusion.

When the other reality came back to life, Shiro felt his mind tearing itself apart by the unyielding sense that he had done something wrong. He just felt so alone, it was constricting in a way he hadn’t experience before.

Shiro didn’t like this reality, didn’t like the mistake he made.

_X.X.X._

 

 _“Shiro, no offence, but you’re sounding crazy.”_

_“Is it getting worse, Keith?” Someone asked._

_“I’m worried….” Someone else started to say, but Shiro centered on Keith. The world turned quiet as he looked towards the boy with so much love and concern in his eyes. He too was staring with his arms wrapped around himself._

_“Keith?” He all but uttered._

_The man in question gulped and began taking cautious steps towards Shiro._

_“I believe you, Shiro.” The world snapped back to reality, Lance's voice continuing to mumble away._

_“And all this talk about space is just absolute fucking nonsen- wait, what!? Keith!!? You can’t be- Shiro needs help!”_

_Keith shook his head, pulling Shiro’s hand into his own._

_"I believe you," he said openly, purple eyes shining in earnest._

_And Shiro began to fall, feeling as though he was heading back to the astral plane but his body continued to float instead, falling, dashing away from his senses. His life wasn’t his anymore when he left his body._

_He was flung around and met with the silent oblivion that was space, any stars above deciding not to shine today. It was a black void Shiro didn’t ever want to discover. But the Black Lion roared in the background, calling out for Shiro to find his way home. It appeared as a small dot, so far away, it must have been light years._

_So Shiro blinked weakly, last breaths leaving his soul, happy to hear the valiant roar._

_It flew closer, speeding. And suddenly Shiro could see its full form, the outstretched paws, the heavy layered sheeted metal made by the asteroid, the jaw left unhinged as it pressed itself open. Someone was piloting it, the black head of hair and simultaneously stern and stoic expression ever present. Shiro tried to call out for it. Them. He was reaching forward for the cool metal and soft hands._

_It was so close. They were so close, so close he could just barely touch it and-_

_“I believe you.” Was all he heard when the reality collapsed in on itself._

_X.X.X._

“-I believe you!” Keith choked as he spasmed forward. And the pain in Shiro’s world stopped. He fell back into his other… second? Body? with a painful yet dull thud. The world stopped tilting, but that just caused another wave of nausea from the experience alone. Shiro was back, err, kind of, to the first alternate reality, the one he’d spent today in, the one with the brain trauma and the scarred Keith… 

No one was paying them attention, too drunk to notice a difference between the two huddled in the corner. But Keith held Shiro’s hand, bringing him back to reality, this reality.

“Shiro, what was that? I saw it, is that- is that how- fuck, nevermind, just Shiro, I believe you!” He cried out. 

“I believe you, and- and this- this isn’t you, not the you I’ve grown used to. You’re different, awake. I just-.” He tightened his hold, looking down at his own kneecaps rather than Shiro’s eyes. His body trembled at the scene he’d just witnessed, but as usual under Shiro’s watchful gaze, he bought himself back together in a matter of seconds.

“I saw it. What you saw. I saw the Lion, I saw… me…” he gulped, looking rather nauseas himself. 

However, for just discovering that alternate timelines exist, the kid was handling it well. 

“So, there.” He shuttered, speaking with tremors in his voice. “If that’s what you need me to say, I’ll say it. I believe you!” 

Shiro grabbed the empty solo cup from Pidge’s hands and promptly threw up.

 

***---***---***---***---***

 

They left quickly after that, congratulating the newly engaged couple who firmly agreed that they wouldn’t get married for at least few more years. They seemed worried about Shiro and leaving so abruptly, they hadn’t even opened the gifts! but Keith reassured them. Shiro was nearly limp and falling over him, unsteady on his own feet.

Keith held him up, practically carrying the larger man over his shoulder as they left the loft.

“He’s okay, he’s okay. He just forgot to take his pills today, my bad really. Sorry- it won’t happen again Coran, promise. Bye everyone!”

Keith slammed the door shut before someone could even say the word ‘sarcophagus’.

Shiro had to laugh at his own sense of dark humour sometimes.

He felt Keith shuffle him into a more sturdy position over his shoulder, dragging Shiro’s near limp ass back to the Buick.

Once inside and driving away, Shiro reached for Keith’s hand, holding it tightly. 

“Thank you. That’s all I wanted to hear you say.” 

Keith bit his lip.

When they arrived back a little after midnight, Keith removed Shiro from his clothes and left him in only his boxers. He shuffled Shiro around in the bed like a ragdoll, trying to make it as fluffy and perfect for Shiro’s unrequested needs.

Shiro couldn’t fall asleep, mind still spasming from the tilted realities he’d discovered. 

He too was playing a dangerous game, one he’d figured he’d probably pay for in the end. 

But ignorance could be bliss, could it not? 

And right now underneath the warm duvet and against the fluffiest of fluffy pillows, he was as blissed out as ever. 

Keith shuffled into the bed a little later, after using the washroom and brushing his teeth. He turned off the light and fell underneath the covers, exhausted and not at all ready for work in the morning. Luckily he only had the one shift in the morning, he thought. 

Shiro reached out for him, grabbing his sides and pulling his bareback towards Shiro’s own chest. Shiro sighed heftily, smelling the cheap shampoo that Keith loved so much. 

Keith gasped, drawing into himself. 

“Is that okay? Even if I’m only in my briefs?” He asked, shaken and worried.

Shir tightened his grip, closing his eyes. 

“It’s perfect.” He breathed.

They remained silent, and Shiro could hear Keith blinking, his eyes still wide awake.

He finally offered a sort of self-deprecating laugh, body moving back against Shiro’s. “So, you have episodes.” He began to explain, breathing out into his pillow. He reached for Shiro’s hand against his belly button and grabbed at it, holding Shiro’s wrist. “It’s where you’ll just lie in bed all day, thinking you’re somewhere else, doing something completely different. You talk a lot of about Kerberos, the Galra, and Voltron then. There was the first time though, when you were having an episode and apparently could also move. You were screaming, and it sounded like you were being tortured. We had to bring you to the hospital that time, because you almost got hit by a car running into traffic, since some person named Sendak was after you. The garrison wouldn’t let me leave when the hospital called me. They thought my training was more important that day, since you were apparently okay and could be released. Things started getting rough then….”

Shiro sighed. “Are there good times?”

“Mhmm.” Keith mumbled, turned towards Shiro in the sheets, hand placed gently on Shiro’s chest as he remained lying a fair distance away.

“Afterwards,” he explains. “When you wake up like you just had a dream. And you tell me all about your adventures. The good ones. You always talk about how we’re there with you: Lance, Pidge, Hunk, Allura, Coran and me, in space. We fly magical lions and form Voltron to save the Universe. That’s my favourite, because I never see the light in your eyes as much as I do when you talk about Voltron.” Keith smiles, looking down at Shiro’s chest. He rubs against it, scars and all. A solemn emotion settles into the souring atmosphere.

“You fly Black and I fly Red; it’s what we named the kittens after.” Keith chuckled. 

“I see. Is that why Lance and Hunk named their dogs Blue and Yellow?”

Keith nodded, finally meeting Shiro’s eyes in the dark. “The dogs weren’t there tonight, though. They’re at Lance’s parents ranch for the weekend.”

Shiro shrugged. “I saw the dog dishes.” He tried to joke. Instead, the somber mood drowned out everything else.

Keith tensed and then relaxed, curling in his shoulders. “I know you don’t remember getting together, and I know you don’t hold the same feelings for me as you usually do, but… is it alright if I kiss you goodnight?”

Shiro grabbed Keith’s hand on his chest, rubbing over the calloused thumb.

“Always.” Was Shiro’s honest answer.

Keith fell forward, placing his lips smoothly against Shiro’s. It wasn’t anything more, never tried to deepen it. He only wanted to be close to the man he loved. 

And Shiro softened a little at that thought, backing away after a few quiet moments passed.

“Ever since I woke up this morning, you’ve only been worrying about me. You work two jobs to support this house and the medicine, and you are constantly watching for any signs that I’m not doing well. This Shiro is very lucky to have you, Keith. I hope you know that.”

Keith promptly blushed and shrugged, remaining quiet and letting Shiro speak.

“But Lance is right. If you don’t start relaxing, you’re going to kill yourself from the stress. 

Keith immediately started to argue. “No, no, no, Shiro. Lance is wrong. I’m completely fine, I promise. Don’t worry about me, I’m-“

“If you say you’re fine one more time, I’ll have you by your ear.” Shiro joked, but Keith looked less then enthused.

“What I’m trying to say is, tonight, while I’m here, please relax. You do so much for me….. I just want to do something for you.” He admitted, looking down at the earthly tones of the sheets beneath them.

Keith’s blush increased ten fold, understanding the implication beneath Shiro’s words.

“No, Shiro. I get that you’re not from here. We don’t have the same…” he stumbled over his wording, his eyes growing increasingly concerned and embarrassed as he tried to make a gesture with his hands. 

“Bond…. As you do with your Keith. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

Shiro placed his human hand on Keith’s cheek, continuing to rub softly at the pale skin. 

“I want to, Keith. I always have.”

“It shouldn’t be with me then. It should be with your Keith.”

Shiro had to let out a soft laugh.

“But it is you, in a way. You’re the same Keith, who just made one different choice that lead to a different life. This is the timeline where Kerberos never happened, that’s where it all changed. You still have the same history, the same feelings, the same skill sets and the same emotions-“

“Not the same memories though.”

“That’s only because you’re older. I think I was supposed to see that eventually. That you and I work well together, more than what I’ve been allowing back in Space.”

Keith let his eyebrows furrow together, bewildered. “You’re under a whole different set of problems, though. If everything that’s happened during your episodes are true…” Keith said, pulling back from Shiro’s hand and laid out on his back. Shiro made way to join him after a few moments of confused silence, staring at the plastered ceiling.

They continued side-by-side together, questions upon questions needing to be answered. Shiro turned his chin and stared at the far wall with the blank TV and lopsided books. For some reason, Shiro never knew what happened, his body just moving on instinct, but he found himself reaching out his hand to place it on top of Keith’s.

In a movement that was too precise to never have been done before, Keith opened his palmed and grabbed for Shiro’s oncoming hand before it even touched him, pulling it into his own.

“Where do you think my Shiro is now?” Keith finally questioned, which was an honest surprise. It seemed like it was always Shiro asking the questions as of late.

Shiro winced, the knot tightening in his stomach as he lied. “I don’t know. Maybe he’s still here and I’m just sharing his mind for the time being. Maybe he’s in my body back in Space. Who knows.” 

“Do you think you’ll stay here for a while? Maybe you’ll be sent back during his next episode. That kind of makes sense…” Keith thought out loud. 

“All I know is that I need to figure it out soon. I need to get back to my teammates.” 

The ‘ _back to my Keith_ ,’ went unsaid.

Keith nodded, expression turning sour and sad.

“Why do you believe me?” Shiro simply asked.

Keith let out a harsh laugh and squeezed Shiro’s hand. “Other than the fact that I saw the other dimensions and the Lion? Who is very intimidating, by the way-”

Shiro chuckled, deciding it was best not to tell him that his Keith was the one piloting Black while Shiro was temporarily unavailable. But then again, this Keith had probably seen that too.

“But if you hadn’t seen it and I had told you, would you have believed me?”

Keith sighed, shaking his head. “I want to say probably not, because you’re talking about things you only admit during an episode or a hallucination. But honestly? I haven’t seen you this lucid in years, Shiro. I haven’t seen that spark in your eyes since before the tumour. You’re the Shiro I first fell in love with, and I guess that’s why I believe you, even if you had just told me. I think- it’s stupid and naïve, but I like to think you came back to me, even if it’s only for a little bit.” 

Shiro nodded in understanding. “I think the universes knew that you needed this.” 

Keith squeezed his hand in response. “And that _you_ needed a break. And that my Shiro needed confirmation that he wasn’t only speaking about fictitous nonsense.” He whispered, words small and frail.

The room went quiet as they looked at each other. Keith was open in a way Shiro had never seen, in this reality or the next. It was as beautiful as it was strange, but Shiro didn’t pull himself away from the orbit that was Keith. 

It was Shiro who made the first move, inching towards Keith slowly so that he could move away if he decided against it.

He never did. 

Their lips touched again, this time more sparks and flames and less confusion flew around. The untamable knot in Shiro’s stomach grew, wishing he could have this more often, enjoying the feel of Keith’s tongue against his own, enjoying the little gasps and moans he let out for only Shiro to hear. Why hadn’t Shiro seen this before? Had these feelings always been there? 

Shiro knew deep down that they always had been, and he was only just understanding their meaning now. 

They removed their clothes when it became too hot, Shiro ungraceful from years without practice. But Keith was there through it all, forever and always Shiro’s right hand man and silent rock of support. He successfully pulled Shiro out of the tight and unyielding pants, moving back to kissing him underneath his chin and against his neck.

Shiro shuttered, the fluttering movements of chapped lips was delicate and light like wisps of swaying grass against his heated skin. Shiro laid on top of the younger boy, kissed him further, deeper, touching every inch of bare skin he could ever memorize.

It seemed funny to him that this Keith also shared the large scar on his shoulder that his Keith obtained during the Mamora trials. Shiro briefly wondered how that little fact had escaped him earlier that morning. 

When he kissed its webbed tissue, Keith gasped and arched his back, sensitive to the touch. Shiro wanted to burn this into his memory forever.

He hoped he wouldn’t lose these moments when he returned.

They didn’t go further than that that night.

Later on, when Keith’s touch starved nature had been fulfilled, he closed his eyes with the happiest sigh. He hadn’t felt so boneless and perfect in a long time, needing the quiet moments to relax before the struggles of the next day were to continue. That night, Shiro made it about him for once and he had been happy to accommodate Shiro’s raw request.

While he slept blissfully on, a peaceful expression etched on his face, Shiro got up from the bed and dressed. It had been hard finding the strewn clothes in the quiet of the night, but Shiro made do. He then tucked in the raven-haired boy from the loosened blankets. The poor kid looked cold.

Before he left the room, he looked at Keith with nothing but pain in his eyes. But he felt it coming, _they_ were coming. Black was near, the bond and sound increasing, a pull that started in the middle of his chest expanding outward to a near pain. It left him feeling dull and nauseous, stumbling through the room. But as he thought about it, he didn’t know if it was from the pull of the Black Lion calling out for its lost Paladin, or the guilt Shiro felt.

He would still leave this Keith behind. Shiro was to go back to Space, to his reality where he would pilot a magical black lion to save the universe. He would go back to his world, with his Keith.

But, that meant leaving this one. They were one and the same, just different situations. Both were so supportive, and loyal, and intuitive, and intelligent.

And _beautiful,_ Shiro thought, even through the harsh realities they both had to suffer.

But this Keith was destined to be alone from here on out. He was made for a life where he would watch the other Shiro die an untimely and painfully long death. A death that Shiro knew was literally just around the corner, much closer than this Keith would like to imagine. He would end up alone, yet again abandoned by the people he loved. He was to see the step by step the deterioration of a person’s mind. It seemed so cruel to Shiro.

He was so young. 

Shiro wasn’t appalled at Lance for suggesting Keith to get out now, understood the worry he had over his friend. Shiro wanted him to avoid that pain as well. But leaving someone behind wasn’t Keith; he’d been in that position too many times before to be anything but loyal to someone who actually cared. Keith would stick it out to the end even if it killed him. Which it would. 

And in some other reality, Shiro sighed, he was probably going through the exact situation but with Keith losing his mind. Shiro was probably watching his lover leave him slowly day in and day out. In that reality, it was Keith dying and Shiro being begged to leave for his own sanity. And Shiro knew that one wouldn’t leave Keith behind either. They would both die alone, having watched the one person who made their life whole leave them behind early to an illness that was unstoppable. 

This Shiro didn’t have to deal with that. He was fairly healthy, his Keith was fairly healthy. They knew this from the cryopod updates and frequent health tests Allura and Pidge made them do. He wouldn’t have to go through the slow pain and torture. That wasn’t their destiny. 

Shiro walked out of that townhouse door towards for what he knew would be his last time, getting into the old car and speeding off towards the center of the energy’s pull, its call. Straight in the middle of the storm. 

Looking back, Shiro finally realized how lucky he was.

 

***---***---***---***---***

 

Shiro parked as close as he could. He would have taken it off road and through the high mountains to get closer, but he knew Keith needed this car. It was nearly his only source of transportation, and he’d used most of his savings on it.

Shiro couldn’t disregard those facts and possibly end up with the old shitty thing in a ditch somewhere.

He couldn’t do that to Keith.

He slammed the door, but the noise could barely be heard as the wind grabbed at his white piece of hair, tried to push his body away from the cliff.

He was in the middle of the storm, lightning seen striking miles away through the onslaught of hardened rain that dampened his vision. He could barely see a few feet in front of him. Tossing away his concern, Shiro forced himself to move up the path. He needed to get to the center of the pull. He climb over the fallen trees, slipped on the watered down ground. He used the last pieces of memory that the other Shiro had available, memorizing his way through this windy and wretched path. 

Finally after what felt like hours, he made it to the rock face and climbed. It was his Galran hand that kept him the most steady, clinging to the wet and loosened rocks when he almost fell. He took it slow, Galran hand impaled into the rocks while he lifted the other to get a good grip, trying to climb. It was the only way to the top.

He didn’t know how he did it, but eventually he made it to the mountains peak. It was barren and dull, no green to shade the ground except for the lone and absurdly shaped tree with only a few trembling leaves that were pulled by the vicious storm. He looked out at the town miles below, lights still spread out over the solid and perfectly flat landscape.

In the dark, it was strangely reminiscent to the stars scattered like dust in Space, displaying a certain kind of life at every corner. 

He breathed in, hoping his idea, his intuition, the pull of the energy wasn’t inane. He wouldn’t _die_ here, would he? Leave this realm and his forever?

He was at the place that started it all for the other Shiro. Taking the picture, falling from the cliff, getting the prosethetic arm, the allergy to the pills, doctors reading the scan about an increasing tumour.

Shiro felt ill. At the call of the Black Lion, Shiro knew what was about to happen. He knew that he was leaving this body behind without a soul to takes his place.

The other Shiro passed away the night he fought Zarkon, landing in what remained of his body before the other left completely. It was a fluke, a freak coincidence that one of the many Shiros just happened to die when he needed it to happen.

And like Shiro said, he honestly believed that the universe knew this Keith needed that one last day. It was just one last day of solid comprehension and love he hadn’t felt in so long to make up for the rest, as though it was an apology. The universe gave that to him and Shiro just hoped he could eventually move on. 

But when he thought about it, while standing on that cliff beneath the rain and lightning- If it hadn’t been for that first night, the other Shiro would have figured it out much later. To the point where his pills would have been inaffective, his life would no longer be completely his own. The days of lucidity would no longer palpable.

His life would have been much, much shorter than what he was given. He would died so much sooner.

In another reality, Shiro is sure that’s exactly what happened.

And for some reason, Shiro was thankful for it in this universe. It gave the two lovers just a bit more time. A tragedy left marks, but it also gave a little beacon of light when they both needed it to occur.

The storm grew closer through the wavering energy. The clear freedom of the wind, the air waning against his face, the rain smacking his scar: Shiro felt wholeheartedly free for the first time since his captivity. It was amazing to this relieved and fulfilled, never actually noticing how pent up he was until the moment passed. 

When he looked towards the town, the oncoming grey and purple mammatus clouds lingering above, the world went quiet.

The lightning struck as it had once before and Shiro felt himself tumble. 

He fell down and down, falling past the rock’s face and ground. The world became an austere tunnel, bright white and flashing lights keeping Shiro conscious. It looked like Coran’s wormhole generator lighting up with power, peering at him as he continued his fall.

When Shiro looked straight into the center of the quickly passing lights, he saw flashes of memories, skips of events from every one of his galaxies, his universes.

It seemed like a simple concept that Keith was almost always main character.

Sure he saw his parents, his friends, different schools and professions Shiro had experienced. But mostly, he saw all the different first kisses he and Keith shared; the different first fights, first dates, first times with each other.

Every journey and story was different and distinct decisions were individually made to change their progression of time; but in most of them they acted like one, understanding the other and seeing things most others wouldn’t see. They orbited around each other, a gravity’s pull forcing them together like planets and moons. Every memory showed how there had been always a familiarity between them; an intimacy which could only be created through time. 

Each story was unique and beautiful, but Shiro felt bias: it was the story he was going back to, the one where he didn’t yet know the ending that remained to be his favourite.

Shiro blinked, and the lights and universes faded as black overtook.

When he woke from the bitter cold of a cryopod, he wasn’t even surprised that Keith was the first thing he could see.


	2. Keith

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hellllooooo! Sorry for the wait, but I wanted to make this something I'm proud of. Also, fuck, this is so much longer than intended I am so sorry :/ *blushes in embarrassment*  
> Fair warning: there will be lots of gore, blood, and action in this one, with description. So please be careful if that isn't what you like.
> 
> And as before, I don't have a beta, so I edit (alot) of my own stuff, but I try my best. I there are any grammatical errors, please let me know! Super appreciated. Now onto the fic. Enjoy!!! :D

Keith couldn’t sleep, hadn’t been sleeping at all in the slow few months that had past if he was being honest with himself. He tried to not let the team see, couldn’t let them know. He had to be strong now, for them. There could be no more standing off to the side. They could only rely on him and each other; he couldn’t let them down. 

So, Keith fell apart in silence after Shiro disappeared, or turned to space dust like those druids had, or…. well… Keith hadn’t wanted to accept the last option. No body equated to no death in his mind. It first seemed like he just didn’t react, brushed off the entire thing and continued on with his life. But really, he just didn’t want to let the others catch on to the fact that he was suffering; everyone had lost someone that day, not just Keith. 

Keith just also happened to have the added responsibility of being passed down the title as Leader, Head Honcho, Main Man as Lance had dryly stated, anger underneath the wavering tone. Keith tried not to think about it too much, making a note to speak with Lance and try to set aside their petty competitions until later. Shiro was relying on them too much for Keith to let Lance’s behaviour get to him.

Only Lance and Allura fell for this tactic. In reality, Keith felt numb, lost, abandoned, as though something in his body split in half, flew away on its own accord, leaving only an aching pain in its phantom presence.

But Keith was anything if not a survivor. He could do this again. He’d survived all his life, from the early days when his Dad left to the days in and out of foster care. No one would survive that if they couldn’t put their emotions to the side. Sensitivity to the harsh reality of not being wanted only destroyed delicate souls. Hell, Keith watched it happened to many of his acquaintances at the orphanage, always being brought back after so much excitement from being adopted, the thought of finally being wanted. He only saw the light in their once hopeful eyes eventually fade, an inner anger beginning to rage. Some committed suicide, most went to drugs. It was harsh, but Keith knew he couldn’t let that happen to himself. Placing his emotions, wants, desires, feelings on the backburner had become commonplace. He decided to stand alone. Life was easier that way.

So if that was what he needed to do now to get by, then he’d do so with little complaint.

His body took the brunt of the burden, his mind restless and unable to sleep. His training was going for longer after diplomatic meetings with newer systems and creatures. Pacts and alliances needed to be made, rebel bases needed to be taken care of. Prisoners needed to be set free. There was a rumour of someone new, someone to take over Zarkon’s still present military. 

The universe wasn’t done with the Paladins yet.

And even more so, Shiro was counting on him. So Keith told himself that Shiro was just away for a little while, needed a replacement only for a month or two. It’d be quick.

Shiro would be back soon.

It became easier telling himself these lies, even after five months had past.

He struggled a little at first, never once mentioning Shiro or his late night obsessions in the library researching on how to find him.

Life went on.

And then it happened, the metaphorical pink elephant in the room was dropped like a bomb. It started easily enough too, just one night spent in the rec room as a group, lying haphazardly on the spread out couches. 

Allura was cradling a drink, a tentative expression settled against her elegant features.

Lance seemed to notice her hesitation, the only one to acknowledge it. It was something he was becoming as of late: the observational sympathizer of the group.

“What’s going on, Allura? We saved the Carnesians from captivity today. It’s time to relax! It’ll do those frown lines some good,” he tried to joke in attempt to lighten the dower atmosphere.

Allura fell forward with a sigh, momentarily eyeing Keith before focusing back to the floor. “I know we saved those held captive today, Lance, but the enemy we faced hadn't been a large fleet. What if next time it is? And I know no one wants to mention this, but sometimes buttons need to be pressed."

Keith winced, biting at his under lip. It was an anxious habit he’d recently developed.

“We need to discuss the possibility of a new pilot, someone to help us out. What if next time it’s worse? We need to help ourselves, and not just for our sake. Every life in the universe depends on it. On us. I understand this has been a difficult time, especially with all of Zarkon’s fleets being sent our way.” Allura mentioned, the hot cup of nunvil placed soothingly in her only slightly trembling hands.

Keith noticed how Pidge ticked upwards then, hair piquing with interest like a cat in a Ghibli film. 

“Maybe…. Maybe Matt could do it.” Everyone stilled, hardened looks were shot her way, unsure of how to approach the unpleasant subject. But Pidge braved on, past the insincerity she too felt. So she stood up then, presented her research and thus her argument for rescue. 

Apparently, with the help of Slav, the two geniuses had found a lead within Zarkon’s security files. It was easier now to hack then before, since the explosion had destroyed every one of their systems. If they found him, he could be a possibility as a pilot.

The Red Paladin backed up a little at the topic. He swallowed a guilty thought, and pressed forward towards the conversation. He needed to be strong here. What would Shiro say in this conversation? Keith let himself drift into a daydream, imagining that Shiro was there, aiding Pidge with her quest, a strong hand held on her shoulder. He could hear him ask the obvious question, and when Keith opened his eyes, he found himself saying the words: “Would you be okay with that, Pidge?” He had asked, voice quiet.

“He’s been in Galra imprisonment for over a year.” He tenses at his own words, seeing the hurt in Pidge’s eyes as she thought over the unimaginable. He shook his head. That wasn’t what he meant.

“It’s just, he may want a break for a while, to rest.” He tried to be assuring, not alluding to the torture that Shiro evidently had undergone and still had suffered from.

… Once had suffered from, a toying voice in the back of his mind reminded him.

Pidge looked down, sheepish. “That would be up to him. I know we’ve seen some pretty dark things since forming Voltron, so there might be memories brought up during missions that would send him back in time.”

“Like PTSD?” Hunk had asked to everyone in the background, like it was a whisper not meant to be heard.

Pidge stood tall, eyes bold while she looked to Allura and Keith. ”But we’ve also seen good things, too.”

“And you think those might help him if he’s not…”

“100% himself. Yeah…”

Keith nodded. They both understood the reality that Matt wouldn’t be in the best of health. But like Shiro, it was a subject they only danced around. Only mentioned through allusions.

Keith sighed, agreeing to help Pidge and Slav with their research for her brother. With that many brains on board and no enemy fleets to run from for a few days, they all too soon scouted a possible location.

It was a rebel base hidden in an undertow of lingering space dust, mentions of a proud planet that had once stood there.

Best of all, it was not too many galaxies away from their current and safe location.

Keith made the final call, with Pidge and Allura backing up his declaration. Slav stayed on the side, mentioning how his superstitious blanket was already set up, and as long as the castle remained on course and was never once hit by evading forces, the mission would remain only somewhat doomed. But not completely doomed, unlike in another reality where apparently shit hit the fan (quoted word for word by Slav, since the alien was picking up human sayings and enjoying them just a tad too much). He offered no help, really, just plain annoyance.

The mission was lead from Red, as Keith had found himself not able to give her up yet; their connection was still too strong. Allura sighed openly when she tried to mention Keith take Black, since Black’s barrier was down and the other Lions responded better when Black was in their presence. This conversation was all too quickly turned down, Keith literally turning his back and walking straight for Red’s hangar. He jumped over all the attempted conversations, skirted around them like it was his day job. He waved as he left, telling Allura to stay safe from behind the Castle’s walls.

He knew it had been discussed: a new Paladin. Someone to take over in some capacity. The first idea was the Princess, but it was common knowledge that Allura couldn’t pilot the Lions even if she desperately wished to do so, aid in the burden of the missing link. But her own quintessence funded the Castle of Lions, was powered through her own hands. No one else could take her place. She wasn’t expendable. 

The Lions may always find new paladins. The Castle never would. 

While flying, Keith stayed near Pidge’s side throughout the escapade, watching over the younger genius. In ways she reminded him of himself, wanting to jump into battle, start a fight, hurry up and just get there already, God, move it or lose it asshats! 

He could feel her bond through Red. Her energy was wired, shaky from impatience and frustration. She was flustered and angry, left unfocused at the first task at hand while they arrived at the base. 

“Pidge, we’ll get there in due time. Calm down. We can’t have you taking off on your own and placing yourself in danger.” Keith called out, trying to sound commander-like. He sounded young, too young. He didn’t have the personality for this.

It just sounded fake.

“Yeah, being reckless is hot-head’s job.” Lance muttered over the intercoms.

“Exactly.” Keith agreed instantaneously. 

They made it to the metal-constructed base, and Pidge ignored prior orders and instantly ran off. She didn’t fight any of the bots, just swerved around them trying to get to her brother. Keith took off after her, ordering Lance and Hunk to stay behind, fight the soldiers they past. Lance promptly began to argue, but Keith ignored him, only focused only Pidge. He couldn’t let her get hurt.

This wasn’t how Keith wanted to fight, but he had no choice. They couldn’t lose another paladin.

He caught up to Pidge while she wired her computer into the computer system at a bolt shut door, downloading a Galran map. She translated it to Altean, an optional dialect still within the system.

Keith looked at it a little flustered. Did Zarkon have that kept just for the irony of it all, or to just be completely cruel and show off the destroyed planet like it was a trophy on a wall? 

She frowned. “There are three prisons cell here, one on each floor. He could be in any of them.”

Keith touched her shoulder, perfectly supportive while he too studied the map. “Well, it looks like we have a lot of work to do.” 

The two fought well together, Keith looking out for her while she grimly attacked every Galra bot from a distance with her bayard, using it to lasoo them into a tied knot and fling them into the walls. Keith would move closer instead, using his two swords to induced harm on the robots.

They could hear Lance’s familiar shouts from down the hall, angry as he ran towards them. Keith kicked a remaining robot into his little dead pile, turning to Lance with a stern scowl.

“Lance, what are you doing here? You’re supposed to be with Hunk fight the guards.”

“And what, let you take all the credit? This is a team effort pal, I’m not letting you guys just go in there alone.”

“But you left _Hunk_ alone?!” Keith screamed, turning his intercom onto only Hunk to see if he was alright. Hunk quickly responded, the incoherent buzz falling over Keith’s ears in shame. Why couldn’t anyone listen to him? Didn’t they get it? He needed to do this for Shiro. 

“No, of course not! There were only two robots left anyways, and I needed to know you were all right. Neither of you are in good mental states right now. You both just ran off without so much as a plan. What am I going to do, let you die from blind rage? Use your heads!”

“We don’t have time for this!” Pidge screamed, looking desperate. She rolled her eyes, deciding to move towards the closest stairwell, just down the hall, after she hacked the Galran door open. Keith could hear her fighting the prison guards, and he tightened his bayard, wanting to go and help. Needing it. Something pulled him there.

“Lance, go back to Hunk. He needs you in case another group comes up. We need our best men in the back. We can handle it up front.”

“No, mullet. If you’re so desperate, go back to Hunk yourself.”

“Lance, that’s an order.” He stated, eyes cruel and taunting. 

Lance looked unimpressed.

“Huh, that’s a laugh. Shiro never once used those words.” He sighed. “You can try, Keith. But you’re not Shiro. And as you said, it looks as though you don’t need me here anyway.”

Keith turned around to see a disheveled group of imprisoned aliens walking towards him, Pidge upfront and leading them. She looked distraught.

“Matt’s in the lowest cell, according to Mykortz here.”

Keith turned back to Lance. “Lance, bring the prisoners to your Lion. Stay with Hunk after that. Me and Pidge are going further in.”

Lance looked irked. “Alright, O’ Fearless Leader,” he mocked, the twisted reality further embedding the burden in Keith’s mind. 

He heard Pidge mutter to Mykorz, the apparent lanky green leader of the prisoners. ‘Don’t worry, just follow Lance here. He’s one of us. He’ll bring you to safety.’

The two Paladins ran off again. They rescued the prisoners of the second cell on the second floor. And then the alarms started, Allura desperately mentioning that there was an incoming fleet.

Pidge looked at Keith with huge eyes, begging him to continue on. They couldn’t leave just yet. 

Keith sighed, ignoring Allura’s immediate orders to return. They did come here for a reason. And if they could disobey Allura to save her from the first battle against Zarkon, then they could do so here. 

They fought their way through the rows of guards on the third and final floor. It was tough and brutal, Pidge getting the most impact of blows from her need to see her brother. 

But just as Mykorz said, they opened the third cell to find the weakest and most hurt prisoners locked inside, only once known as the largest threats to the Galra. Most could walk or limp, lifting those who couldn’t and ran towards safety. They didn’t even look at the Paladins. The multiple creatures only saw their chance of escape and took it.

And she saw him, body crimpled and folded over. Matt was held here, completely unconscious in a dirt infested corner but alive. Pidge almost started crying then and there. Keith could feel the emotion through her bond, the waves of reassurance and pain wafting through his own body, starting at his chest and making him experience things he’d long since pushed away. Keith struggled, trying to keep himself in check.

“When we get back, Pidge. You can let go then, but now I need you to get yourself under control.” He was left only mildly content when she listened. They lifted Matt’s barren and bruised arms over their shoulders, carrying him to safety after everyone else had departed the cellblock. They trudged up the stairs, Pidge twisting an ankle on the way up from the, thankfully, heavy weight of her brother. When they made it outside, Hunk and Lance were waving frantically, yelling at them to hurry.

When they all looked to the stars, a waft of crimson was flying towards them. The ships were all but a sea of a blood and death.

Keith tried not to let the image get to him. Somehow with only hope on their side, they finally made it to their lions and flew away from orbit, just in time as a tractor beam ray blasted the area to scraps.

They made it to the untouched Castle, entering the wormhole and away from the Galra in record time.

Matt was in the cryopod for three days. Battered, bruised, malnourished, and broken, but Matt was still unlike Shiro; he had all of his body parts still attached. Keith couldn’t help but feel a little angry at that sentiment. 

Why’d it have to be Shiro?

Pidge was the one to catch him when he fell from the pod, disoriented to his new surrounding. He looked around, baffled and afraid. Everything looked blurry from his point of view, and he couldn’t recognize the surrounding bodies. Everyone was too close, where was he? Why was this happening to him?! 

He screamed. “Please! Please don’t hurt me!” He then begged, his knees giving out from underneath him, too weak from weeks of little food and water. Something’s arms were around him, surrounding him, falling down with him even as he tried to manically escape. 

Allura stepped forward, palms out and assuring. “It’s okay, Matt. We’ve rescued you. You’re safe now. You’re on the Castle of Lions. With someone you may know.”

He stopped shivering when she mentioned his name, hadn’t actually heard it in so long. He was just a number now. But she said his name. _His_ name. It was then he noticed the human arms surrounding his waist, keeping him sitting upright. He looked up, seeing the glasses and eyes before anything else. 

“Katie?” he whispered. 

“Hey, Matt. It’s me.” She smiled, lip trembling. She grabbed for the glasses on her face, placing them onto Matt’s. He blinked, his vision became a bit more clear then, his eyes adjusting to the bright artificial lighting he was no longer familiar with. 

“I’ve been holding onto them for you.” She whispered, a conversation just for the two.

Matt trembled, his lips quivering. He let out a sniffle, hiding his face into Pidge’s neck before he let himself fall apart in the open, in front of everyone. Pidge rubbed his back, beginning to silently cry too. Keith was almost jealous. They could let people see them like that. It was remarkable.

He looked towards the Holt siblings before turning away, grabbing everyone’s attention to do the same. Pidge and Matt deserved time alone. It was the least they could do.

 

***---***---***---***---***

 

Time past, and it took Matt a while to come back to himself. At first, he was never trying to step over toes, never looking anyone in the eyes. Never doing much of anything, really. But every day he said a few more words, his eyes showing just a little more humanity. The rest of the time he spent in his room, practically comatose. He’d have fits every once in a while, memories of pain and fear taking over as his body began to seize. 

Pidge tried her best, remaining strong for the both of them, but it tired her out too. Luckily, Keith was well versed in the lines of mental breakdowns.

Pidge sought Keith out late at nights then, unable to sleep. They’d remain in silence while Keith let her to lean against him, rubbing her back in comfort.

But Matt was slowly getting better. He’d started taking longer walks, eating more food, and eventually found himself in the hanger with Hunk and Pidge, glancing over the mechanics of the lions, impressed. He didn’t say much, but his eyes showed his enthusiasm.

It had been another three full months.

Keith could see the interest pique in Allura’s eyes as she watched along the sidelines. Matt getting better meant that what Allura had been secretly discussing with Coran could come true. Matt could take over for either the Blue or Red Lion, since he still considered a well renowned pilot. This would mean that Keith would take over Black and Lance would pilot Red, since Blue was the less difficult of the two to fly.

Keith hated all of these possibilities.

So instead of dealing with those feelings and emotions, Keith threw himself into training, needing to be better for his team, had to protect them, had to make sure another person didn’t disappear under his watch. In his spare time at night when he could no longer move, body too heavy after fighting for hours on end, Keith studied. He felt himself becoming obsessed with the mystery. Just where did Shiro go? He was there, they had just been talking to him, and all of a sudden Keith felt an extension of himself just vanish, gone viciously and left without a trace. It really wasn’t too far from the truth, he guessed.

 

***---***---***---***---***

 

Things between Lance and himself only seemed to worsen. Everyone could feel the bond tighten until the stretch was too obvious to ignore. It was painful for everyone from how close it was to tearing. Hunk figured it out, watching their interactions and offering Allura and Pidge his own theories.

Lance was mad that Keith was once again chosen, angry that he could never reach Keith’s own level.

Keith was mad that Lance never seemed to see his own self worth.

They had been having a relaxing day on a planet of beastly Gorgon type people when it happened. They slithered around in their swamps with snake like tails, hissing viciously from their sentient pieces of hair, captivated by the human’s appearances.

Despite what the ancient myths had ever told, the aliens were harmless to those who claimed to be their ally. Friendly, even past the hissing, snake-like speech, and beady red eyes, they were kind.

They saw a ship enter the planet’s gravity, orbiting down. Bombs fell, and Allura called for everyone, but Matt, to get to their Lions. Matt stayed with Slav and Coran in the control room, helping command from there. 

Keith gulped. This was the first honest attack they’d have to face upfront since Shiro disappeared. They always had to just wormhole away in the end, never truly attacking an oncoming fleet. But now there was a civilization in danger. They couldn’t just leave. 

There was a silence through the Paladins as he entered Red, unnerved and worried. When he grabbed for the controls, he found them stuck. 

He blinked, panic rising. “Uhm, Red?” He reached back for Red in his mind. She was there, ever the protector, but she was pushing him, nudging him in the most obtuse way imaginable. She didn’t want him in there right now.

She growled at him when he pressed at her controls. 

He knew what she was doing, pushing him towards the ache in his chest, the same feeling he’d had in the desert.

“Red! Not now!” He yelled, but he could feel the Black Lion awaken, drifting towards him like a phantom gliding over water.

From his line of sight in the cockpit, Keith could only watch as the connection grew closer, stronger, before the larger Lion was right in front of him, staring into his soul.

He had something to say to Keith. 

Red stayed in the background, allowing Keith to leave in the knowledge that he’d return.

Black did everything for a reason.

So for once, Keith listened. He left Red’s cockpit and went for Black, the pull overtaking his body, leaving his body in a soft lull and walking on autopilot. He felt like he’d been the experiment of a cast spell, magic taking his body from underneath and moving him like a puppet. It was never harsh though, and Keith never felt worry. He didn’t really feel anything.

He entered Black’s cockpit for the first time in months, confused and lost.

It was as empty then as it was the day Shiro passed, and as Keith felt for the dusted clutch, he wanted to sob.

He felt the remaining pieces of Shiro’s presence that had been left behind, still lingering around. His bayard was still in the control, and Keith could help but notice the groves of his stressed handprints embedded on the controls. 

Keith shuddered.

“-Ith! Keith! Where are you?! We need you man!” He heard Lance shout, stopping the ringing of the silent cockpit. 

Keith fell in Black’s chair uncomfortably. He placed his own hand against the remaining fingerprints, and the Lion came to life with a roar.

“What was that?” Hunk said, confused through the intercoms. Keith felt heavy, Shiro still in left in the back of Black’s mind. Shiro’s bond persisted, like the remaining scent on old clothes found months after someone passed, and Keith could barely control Black through the gutted pain of abandonment. Keith could only pilot him weakly, movements loose and wonky since Black was never entirely his, never would be entirely his. The Lion was never a possession to be tamed. This connection was only temporary, a means to an end. Keith was never supposed to be the Black Paladin. Why couldn’t Allura see that. 

But he flew him out of the hangar, riding out towards his fellow Paladins and turning on his own intercom, displaying himself in the familiar quarters of Black’s cockpit. 

He heard them gasp.

“What the-“ Lance and Pidge began, but Keith cut them off with a clear of his throat, very much unsure of where to go from there.

“Okay guys, uhm, this is just a small fleet.” Keith muttered more to himself than his teammates. “I know we can handle this. We’ve come across way worse than this before, so I uhm, yeah. Lets go for it.” He spoke with little confidence. He was trying to imagine what Shiro would say, feel out Shiro’s remaining thoughts within the Black Lion, but he came up empty. He was trying to impersonate rather than what came naturally to his own mind. Black didn’t seem to like that, making the controls harder for him to manage. 

“Black, come on.” Keith scowled. “I know I’m not your paladin, but you came to me. At least let me do this right.” He argued viciously, spit flying from his mouth while he maneuvered the larger controls.

“Any orders, Leader?” Lance asked, snidely.

Keith bit his lip, the Lion coming to a float underneath his grip. “For you? Don’t die.” And they were off.

Black became a little easier after that, but it was still a hardship to Keith. This wasn’t what he was used to, Black’s responses were different and unsettling in a way Red never had been. Keith flew around Hunk, taking on an incoming blast aimed straight for the unaware Yellow Paladin. 

“Hunk, watch yourself!” He called out. He then saw two oncoming ships coming to a turned away Pidge, still fighting another three ships with her cannon. Lance was open, he could have helped her out, but Keith didn’t want to ask- felt as though Lance wouldn’t have responded. 

Black growled into Keith’s mind, the distrust of his teammates making Black angry.

_Shiro would believe in his teammates._

He moved to Pidge, striking at the fleets with Black’s paws, since Keith refused to touch the Black bayard.

Keith was hit from the behind with a distressing blast. His neck was thrown back, hitting Black’s chair. He could already feel the stiffening muscles from whiplash.

Even worse, he could feel himself lose control when Lance began to berate him.

“Keith, I didn’t see- Christ, I was open. You could have just asked me, man! I was closer! Being a leader doesn’t mean taking all of our shots! For fuck sake, trust us!” Lance yelled.

Keith closed his eyes, trying to get Black to respond. This was a bad idea. He should have just taken Red… if he could have actually helped the situation.

And in the middle of his chest he felt it, a clutch gripping him too tight. He tried to reach for Black’s controls, but the Lion seemed distant, like he no longer remembered how Keith was there. Something else grabbed his attention, turned it away for the time being.

They were in space when the Black Lion shut off, beginning to fall.

“Oh god, oh god!” He cried loudly. He could sense someone else, someone stronger with the lion. Maybe Zarkon was still alive? Was this the pain Shiro felt? Because it truly hurt, Keith couldn’t focus behind the blinding light the other bond created. 

He tried to look on the battle with bleary eyes, watching as his friends were overtaken by the fleet.

“Hunk! Get behind Pidge and use your blaster. Keep the defences low! Lance, stay in front and keep offensive. Pidge and Hunk have your back!”

They seemed to listen, falling into a straight line of Lions while they fought together, perfectly in sync.

A painful throb echoed in Keith’s mind, a headache starting from nowhere. 

He cried out, reaching for his head. 

“Fuck,” he moaned, calling for the Black Lion again, but it’s conscious was too far away, only an echo reaching its ears. It was no longer with Keith.

A grey mist entered the area. 

He fell into the planet’s orbit, seeing the landscape come closer and closer. Keith cried out, noticing the large city just underneath Black’s body. He had to get a hold of Black, now! 

The other Lions followed Keith, trying to catch him before he destroyed the environment like an asteroid.

He kept his hands to the clutches, crying out, desperately pulling for Black.

But the other someone was still there, knew he could feel Keith, was challenging him for the Lion’s mind. 

What was happening?! Keith felt like his body split into two, tearing itself apart.

“Keith, are you okay?! What’s happening!?” Lance yelled, worried. The Blue Paladin was the closest, trying to reach for Keith. But he still wasn’t fast enough.

His vision tilted while he panted, exhausted. He felt his eyes flutter, pain still driving his head mad. But he couldn’t worry about himself, he had to save the Gorgons. He had to help his teammates.

“Black! Please!” He pulled all of his remaining energy together, grabbing for the Lion’s attention away from its intrigue and back towards himself. 

The other person let go, finally, and Keith felt himself come back to reality.

He huffed for a minute, trying to gather his bearings.

“Keith! Come on, wake up!” Keith blinked, tightening his hands on the thrusters while still in a daze, doing only what the lion commanded.

Black listened, no restraint offered.

Keith felt peace, a relief fall over the Black Lion. It seemed to sigh.

“Okay, okay.” He turned the lions, swerving into a spiral spin that made him just miss the impact into the earth. He then flew the Lion upwards, away from the crying Gorgons and back up to the attacking fleets in Space.

There were only six or so ships left, thanks to Hunk and Pidge, but the base was the largest and staying on the back line. It held a hefty looking canon, something that could easily diminish three planets in one little flick of a switch. 

Keith smiled when the base threw a laser his way, one which he easily avoided.

“Okay guys, I got a plan.” He circled him teammates, grabbing their attention. “Hunk, Pidge, you’re going to distract the ships, okay? You’ll be our defence.” He saw an incoming tear of light coming for Lance, and immediately called it out.

“Lance! Watch out!” Lance moved aside quickly, and Keith sighed, flying forward and towards the base. “Hunk, get in front of Pidge and help dodge the attacks. Stay behind us and keep them at a distance. Lance, you and me are going to attack the base, alright?”

Keith smiled when he heard them all agree. They fell into a cooperative but new routine, something tangible that Keith wanted to grab hold of and never let go.

As he flew with confidence, he felt happy.

One of Hunk’s blasters hit a ship that was flying straight for Keith, exploding into bits and pieces, even hitting Black’s own jaw.

“Keep right, everyone! Stay on guard! We got this!”

He was nearing the base, Lance by his side and ready to shoot.

He smelled the welcoming musk before he could sense it, the heavy presence rolling into the cockpit in waves. _No,_ Keith thought. This felt familiar, felt simple.

Keith knew what this was. He felt his body give way, becoming paralyzed. Black copied the pilot’s motions and stilled, falling back while Lance flew forward.

He heard something move, a small gasp. 

Then a quiet and silent _“… Keith_ ,” was muttered. 

Keith felt the rush of blood in his ears when his jaw unhinged itself. He frantically turned around, shouting “Shiro!!” before he saw the disintegration of a body, gone too quickly to mourn. And just like that and with a wretch of energy, everything was gone, leaving Keith stunned in his place.

The fight for control was no longer present, the person finally gone along with it. Black shut down completely.

Keith felt his lip quiver; his mind was lost to the pain while his body subsided from the brutal mental attack he’d just suffered. 

He saw his vision split into two, tones of sepia washing over the differently played out scenes. The lightheaded feeling burnt Keith out, and he heard someone from one of the lines of view shout his him when he finally blacked out. 

He didn’t care; he knew it wasn’t the voice he needed to hear.

 

***---***---***---***---*

 

Lance had been hurt in the battle, rendered unconscious when he attacked the base head on and alone. Keith floated in space, disconnected to reality.

No one could reach him.

He woke up after Lance three days later, finding himself still inside Black’s cockpit.

When he reemerged, he noticed that the two were in Red’s hanger, the Red Lion lying on top of Black like a Mother against a pile of her kittens. He could feel the faint lull of their mixed purrs. But the sense of the two of them together in the back of his mind distracted him. They both called for him, were sending mixed mages about how he was feeling. It was difficult to comprehend, the lines too shaky to get a real connection. His body was trembling and frail, his mind still distracted by his reality. Why was he seeing everything in two? What was happening?

Keith had awoken with a pressure headache that never wanted to leave, throbbing behind his eyes. He limped out of the hanger, stumbling to a far wall and using it as support. Everything looked jagged and unreal; Keith was at a loss for words.

“So he’s awake!” A voice called out, chipper as ever. But this only took place in one of images he saw, the line down the middle separating the vision as though he were playing two different Golden Eye games in the same area. In the other field of vision, the one that left him cold and feeling obscure, he was left alone.

Keith squinted and groaned. 

“Hey Coran,” he tried to say, seeing Coran and Slav make their way to him. His head fell forward when he shut his eyes, not wanting to deal with this two different situations thing. Keith just thought he may be still asleep, and this was all just a very strange dream. 

Or maybe he just hit his head particularly hard, and this was the after affect of the overbearing dizziness.

It would make sense after all.

“Oh boy, you do not look so good. In this reality or the next. I shall go back to my pillow, speak with those unspoken and make sure you’re left in an only a mediocrely pained condition, rather than completely ill-fated!” Keith heard Slav offer, taking Keith’s arm over his horizontal shoulder, like Keith had once done for Shiro.

Like Shiro had once done for him.

“Or maybe a cryopod would benefit you best for now, at least until later.” 

Keith moaned when an exploding pain ripped from the deep heat of his head. He stumbled forward, feeling arms surround his waist, catching him.

“Yes Slav. I do believe you’re right. Cryopod it is for you, number four!” Keith wasn’t sure when Coran suddenly developed muscles, but the ginger Altean pulled Keith away from Slav’s hands and threw him over his shoulder in a fireman carry, promptly moving towards the control centre. Slav followed, his little feet scurrying across the ground while his tail swifted around like a Persian cat. 

Keith heard a stir of commotion, people running towards him when Coran entered.

“Keith?" 

“What’s wrong!?”

“Coran what happened?! 

“How’d you get him out of the Black Lion?!” 

Keith couldn’t comprehend much, only slowly feeling his body being placed down into the pod, a cool washing over him before he yet again passed out.

This time when he woke up, it was late at night and no one was around. His vision returned to normal, and the headache was only a minor sensitivity.

And just as the pull had felt in the desert, something called out to Keith, and as always, he listened.

For the first time since Shiro disappeared, Keith went into Black’s cockpit for his own sake. He shuffled around the room, the peace and quiet of Red resonating behind him. He fell against the chair, curling up into a warm ball, hands holding over his knees to keep his chest warm. He didn’t realize how tired he was until his eyes drooped heavy like lead, and Keith fell forward. The presence of that something else was still ever there, the pull still expanding deep inside Keith’s chest.

But where it had hurt before, it felt like a gentle blanket wrapped around him now, comforting in the all the ways Keith needed it to be.

He didn’t want to let go.

 

***---***---***---***---***

 

When the numbness began to fade and surviving no longer held the same meaning, Keith began to get desperate, searching for that protected feeling to come back. His headaches were now commonplace, and he’d started to get used to the weird tilts of his vision when he began seeing two. He learned to just call it a day, resting his eyes until the pressure of his head and the waves of nausea finally subsided hours later. It’d only started happening after the first time in Black, when he swore he heard-

The worst thing of all was the strange pull he started to feel in regards of the Black Lion, and Red’s own connection slowly fading further away into the backburner of his mind. And Keith didn’t like what that meant, hated the option with every fibre of his being. So he decided he needed to find Shiro, and fast. It was getting harder and harder to hear Red. And he needed her as much as a puppy needed their owner. 

It was another night spent in the Altean library, researching anything he could about the lions, any piece of history that might give some clue to where Shiro was.

He flipped through another book, scanned another scroll, ran through some old files safe within the confines of the Castles computers. He learned more about the original Paladins and more about the Lions themselves. Their adventures were fascinating and treacherous. But they weren’t what Keith needed. There was nothing coming up about where Shiro could have gone, absolutely _nothing._ Keith threw the book against the shelved walls in frustration, listening as a clatter fell from above and a tumble of books came gliding down. 

Keith listened to the chaos with a sigh. 

“You should be sleeping, O’ Fearless Leader.”

Keith, startled by the silent new comer, turned to Lance with a surprised expression. “I should be asking you the same question.” He stalled, hating Lance’s new nickname for him. 

He’d rather have Mullet-head or some other figure of speech any day if he could help it. 

Lance shrugged, hands in his pajama pockets and walking through the stack of books with a tired grace, managing to not knock one of the piled books over with his Blue Lion slippers.

“Couldn’t sleep.” Was his answer. 

“Try harder.” 

“Ohh, guess I have to listen to you now, O’Fearless Leader. So let me just get right on that!” He scowled.

Keith looked towards Lance, the tiredness stirring over his bruised muscles. He really didn’t like having these types of conversations, but some things needed to happen.

“Lance, can I ask you something?”

Lance turned to Keith, intrigue obvious by the raise of an eyebrow. He didn’t say anything, and instead made a gesture for Keith to continue.

Keith swallowed his pride. “I know it’s been tough, but Allura seems to think I need to… you know, do this thing for you guys in battle. It’d just help a little if you could kind of go along with this? Until he gets back.” 

Lance’s eye twitched. “No.” He growled.

Keith let his head fall, biting painfully over his lips. “Please, Lance, can’t we just put aside-“ 

“Not until you say what it is you need to do. The word itself, Keith. And the name of the person we lost. You suck at hiding your emotions and everyone can tell that you’re purposefully avoiding the conversation.”

Keith’s eyes popped open, shaking his head in denial. “I- I won’t do that. I can’t.”

He could hear the faint growl of the Black Lion in his mind, acknowledging the Blue Paladin’s words.

“I won’t.”

“Why not.” Lance tried.

“Because….” Keith exhaled, chest expanding and the pull becoming more aggressive, pain becoming louder. Keith bit his lip, tightening his fists. His vision was on the edges of swaying. He was about to bite the comment down, turn away and run from this conversation.

But that’s not what Shiro or Black wanted, nor what his team needed from Keith right now. “Because doing so would mean that he’s gone. And everyone seems to think it’s forever…. I wont believe it. There’s still hope.” 

His vision remained normal.

Lance moved to sit beside Keith, moving a large stack of books from the chair first. He sat down with a sigh and Keith turned away in his seat, eyes watery. He pushed his chin down and his bangs fell over his eyes, turning his focus back to the page he was on. He was revisiting a certain exaggerated version of the Galaxy War of 20XXX. Voltron saved the day there as well, but not before losing multiple planets under captivity. 

“I get that you still need to believe there’s hope, but that doesn’t take away from your responsibilities now.” Lance admitted, and Keith couldn’t help but look up in awe. This wasn’t as typical for Lance, to say these sorts of things. 

“And dude? We’re worried about you. You need to relax. Just breathe once in a while. No one is saying you’re doing a bad job at this leader thing.”

“You have,” Keith muttered.

“I’ll admit you’re not perfect, because if Shiro had chosen the perfect Paladin obviously that would have been me!” Lance chided with an overconfident smile. He was all for the show of it all, but Keith could tell he didn’t believe his own words. His smile then fell a little, tilted when his tone turned to hesitant. “But it’s not me. It’s you. And you only falter because you don’t completely trust us, and because it’s also so new. So while you may not have the social skills,”

Keith scoffed.

“You do care about us. You do make thought out decisions when we’re in battle, making sure no one is harmed because you’re looking out for all of us. I realize this may be part of the problem so I need you to know: I trust you.”

Keith felt his eyes soften a little.

“Thanks, Lance.” Was all he said. He looked back to his chapter, feeling at the ancient page underneath his bare fingertips.

“I think he’d be proud of you, you know.” Lance offered, but Keith didn’t want to accept it. It sounded too much like an ending. No body, no death, Keith reminded himself fervently.

He felt sick thinking about it, so no one pushed the buttons too much. They tried, but when he evaded them, they didn’t continue. Apparently Lance was sick of that particular rule.

For Keith, the thought of it all was somehow worse than being told Shiro died on Kerberos via the news on the cafeteria televisions. 

Because at least with death there’s a chance of closure.

Then again, he hadn’t believed it then either, lashing out at Iverson for lying. He had his knife, Iverson had said some… _horrible_ things.

And suddenly Iverson was left in the hospital with a blistering scar over his now blinded eye, and Keith was left without a home. 

Keith could deal with disappearances. It’s probably why Keith was still angry over his Dad leaving him in the mall when he was six, only to be found by Social Services a few hours later. It hurt. But he could deal with it. 

But Keith forced all that down, all the heavy emotions that tore at him with his darker memories. Keith chose to forget. He needed to forget.

And because it was what they all wanted to hear, and not what Keith actually believed, he just turned to Lance with a sad smile and said. 

“I think he’d be proud of you too.”

 

***---***---***---***---***

 

Keith needed to get away after that. The exploding in his chest was becoming unbearable, and he needed to find its center of energy, stop it at its source lest he became a further burden for his team. The surprising thing was that it actually hurt, left him blinded in pain. He tried to hide this fact from the others, but when one is comatose in bed for an entire day, it was a hard feat to achieve. Keith knew he wasn’t about to win any awards for his acting, either.

So he did what he did in the desert, because old habits die hard. He forced himself away to clear his mind.

At least this time he didn’t leave a scar across someone’s face. 

He stowed away to the Black Lion in the middle of the night, a bag full of supplies hefted onto his back. He was following the pull, the rush of power that was enticing Keith to once again follow its path.

He grabbed at Black’s handles, and flew out of the hangar without a word to his teammates. The Black Lion seemed to sense his visions as well, understanding what Keith was going for, flying easily underneath his hands.

Keith pressed his finger over Shiro’s left indents, sighing.

A few hours had passed, and they found themselves entering a wavy gravitational pull of an asteroid belt, the energy seemingly just on the other side of it. Keith feared that Black may be too big for area, but the lion washed Keith over with a soft purr, trusting his temporary pilot. 

“Okay, Black. That’s a good boy. Lets go!” He yelled, and they entered the shaky orbit. He flew with a range more vast than Red’s, but Keith found himself missing the speed. Red was the only one to offer that to him. He kept his eyes to the glass mirror, watching over the oncoming meteors.

Keith heard a strange noise from behind, further back inside the cockpit. He was about to look for it, thought one of the mice might have followed him when Black hit a large meteor.

“Oof!” 

Systems began to rage, and Keith felt the controls shake, his connection becoming unsteady. “Okay, Black. It’s okay, we’ve got this.” He soothed. Keith pressed into the controls, allowing his instincts of his past take over his present. He felt rather than thought over his situation. 

He was never the one to do that anyway.

The asteroid belt stayed the same way for the rest of the trip, Keith sighing when he could see the edge. The Lion was still stirring, not yet relaxed. He shook like an earthquake.

“It’s okay, buddy, it’s okay.“ They just about exited the field when an asteroid fell from above undetected, hitting Black right against his back. From its pressure they fell out of the field in a crashing spiral. Keith, never being one to allow himself to become dizzy from this type of disorientation, forced himself calm for the kitty, and called out for him to listen.

“It’s okay.” He said quietly, mouth clenched while he focused. He reached for the thrusters, and forced Black to flying into a dive bomb, stopping the spinning. He then swayed Black back to a normal pace.

Keith sighed in relief, a shot of sweat running down his head. “Don’t worry bud, I think it’ll just be another quintant, errr- decaphebe? Until we get there.” He responded when Black sent him impatient images, not liking this kind of torment on its body. The lion flew into an upright position with a slam, and Keith heard something like a cupboard fall open, a body flying across the cockpit floor and slamming into the wall while it yelled, “Actually-that’d-be-vargas-Ahhhhhh! Ooof!” 

Keith set Black onto autopilot before dashing up from his seat. His jaw was set tight when he made it to the other thing who was moving onto his knees and one hand. The other free hand was checking its head for any injuries while it moaned out in pain.

“What are you doing here, Lance?” Keith asked with impatience.

“What am I doing? What are you doing? I knew you were doing something suspicious, but actually taking the Black Lion? What’s going on, man?! Are you actually a sleeper agent for the Galra or something?!”

Keith crossed his arms and looked towards Lance with an unnerved expression.

“A sleeper agent, really? I thought you’d at least think up creative.” He joked with a smirk.

Lance looked up, a small lopsided grin on his injured face. “Yeah, that one was actually one of Hunk’s theories. It just sounded good with what I was saying… Sorry.”

Keith snorted with a roll of his eyes.

“But seriously, dude. We’re worried. And you just took Black in the middle of the night! What’s going on?” 

Keith decided to be honest. He looked around sheepishly before quietly saying, “I’m following its call.” 

Lance waited, quirking a disbelieving eyebrow. “You’re doing a what now?”

“I’m following its call." 

“Yeah, you said that. Literally twenty seconds ago. I’m asking you to expand on that, and explain what the hell it actually means!” he yelled, flailing his arms. He got up from his knees on the floor, glaring at Keith and pointing a rude finger to his chest.

“Remember the pull I mentioned back out in the desert?”

Lance looked angry, but nodded.

“It’s happening again, but it feels worse. And I think it has to do with Shiro, if what Black is saying is true.”

“What is Black saying?" 

“That the energy I’ve been feeling has to do with Shiro.”

Lance groaned loudly with a childish stomp of his feet. Black growled in warning.

“Well what do you want to hear, Lance?! The Lions don’t really speak much. That’s all he said to me.”

“Okay, what ever you say, O’Crazy Leader.” Lance scowled, falling into Black’s pilot seat.

Keith offered a confused look, making his way to the somber looking Blue Paladin. “Look, Lance. I know you’re not happy with how this has happened, I’m not happy either. But can we please stop with this? We all know I’m not the leader.”

Lance gave a huff.

Keith fell beside Lance on the arms of the chair, looking outwards the stars. “I don’t want to be leader. If you want to be the temporary leader, then be the damned leader; you have more qualities for it than I do anyways, and you know Hunk and Pidge better. Just take it, please… or get Hunk to. I know he’s been asking for it since Day One.” 

Lance seemed to consider this. “I don’t think Hunk would do well. He’d try, but the big lug is too filled with anxiety. He’d worry himself into an early grave. And I love him too much for that.” He joked with soft eyes and a sad smile.

“And you?” Keith asked, looking down from his spot against the uncomfortable chair. He bit his lip in anticipation, really starting to hate this habit once he noticed it.

Lance let his scowl soften.

“You know what I think.” He sighed, breathing out. “If Shiro was going to choose the perfect paladin, obviously that would have been me, as I said before; but as it is, he chose you. So what are you doing with it?”

Keith curled in on himself.

“Honestly.” Lance emphasized.

Keith looked at the Blue Paladin, violet eyes gentle. “Not believing that it’s happening.”

Lance placed his hand on Keith’s own shoulder. “It’ll be okay.”

They spent some of the time in silence, Lance getting fed up from his seat and soon picking at a spare homemade energy bar Keith had stuffed away before departing. The kid always needed to move. Or talk. 

“Were you seriously thinking you’d survive on Hunk’s goo bars out here? Where are we even going anyway?” 

“Well, I wasn’t planning on leaving for long.” Keith argued. “And they were the smallest and most nutrient packed thing I could find. So if you ignore the texture, it doesn’t completely taste like paste.” 

“Childhood experience with that, Keith?” Lance bickered.

“You wish.” He remarked, turning the conversation to the key points at hand. “But I don’t actually know where we’re going. The energy is getting close though, and Black is starting to get anxious.”

“So soon then?”

“Minutes.” Keith muttered, falling onto his seat, taking the thrusters in his hands.

“Lance, hang on!” Keith called, giving little warning for when he maneuvered Black quickly. He sped the beast up, entering a worrisome magnetic field. He heard Lance squeal while his body was tossed towards the far wall, crashing into it. Lance kept quiet this time though, noticing Keith’s reserve. They were closing in on a galaxy that was nearing all too close to a black hole.

Keith kept his focus on the path he was taking, feeling Black’s fear when he almost made a wrong move and ended up in the endless void.

They entered the solar system safely, running towards one of the sun’s orbiting closer planets. There looked to be a grand total of 36 planets in this area, and Lance and Keith both let their jaws open from their first impression. But the awe faded, realizing that each planet was dimmed over with grey or dull tones, seemingly no life left on them. Some even seemed cloudless.

Keith deemed them all to be all dead and destroyed, quintessence taken thousands of years prior. The 11th planet closest to the sun was where the pull was seemingly most enticing. But due to the dense magnetic energy of the black hole, the energy was frantic and completely disassociated from Keith. But from the 11th planet, that seemed most stable, and Keith felt himself tremble from it. The Black Lion became aggressive, wanting to both fly away and move closer.

They found themselves stopped outside of a giant red planet that was left mutilated in front of them, its pieces still floating around in bits. It seemed like a cruel taunt from the universe.

If Keith looked at it a certain way, it kind of looked like an ancient helmet of Greek or Roman soldiers he’d once studied and adored.

He could feel Lance’s hand running over his shoulder, squeezing, and Keith didn’t even think about it when his own hand reached out for Lance’s. 

“Woahhh. It looks like a destroyed Iron Man helmet or something.”

Keith and Black groaned. The energy pulled harder, knowing they were near.

“It’s down there,” Keith confessed, chest in pain and vibrating. “Shit, okay. Yeah. There. Come on, buddy.” He glided the Lion into the orbit, masterfully piloting it without even a jostle. The ride and landing was so smooth, that Lance didn’t even have to watch the event, his eyes instead remaining set on Keith and his shaking fingertips. He watched the slow motion sweat drop that ran down his friend’s forehead, a shaken breath exiting separated lips.

Keith looked tired, and this surely wasn’t helping anything.

“According to the readings, the planet’s extremely hostile. Lots of toxic gas. Did you bring your helmet and bayard? Iust in case it isn’t uninhibited?” He asked, voice rough yet commanding.

Lance nodded, tugging his helmet on. “You know it,” he shouted, his bayard already out and morphing into his gun when Keith dropped Black’s mouth open. 

“All right then, soldier. Move out!”

Keith and Lance walked hours upon hours into what remained a barren, mountainous valley, the quietness as eerie as it was dense. They couldn’t take off their helmets lest the toxic gas enter their systems. Keith was surprised they could even walk here, their armour just barely affected by the poison and density of this planets gravity. 

The completely blanketed white landscape reminded Keith of the desert’s valley back on Earth. They were about to climb up higher towards the cliffed edges when Lance’s legs collapsed from exhaustion. 

“Man, we’ve been up all night and have been climbing over this place all day. I’m cool with finding this weird energy source as much as you, but dude I need a break first.” 

Keith turned to Lance, feeling his own loss of breath and sweat trapped against his back.

“Alright,” Keith agreed. “You rest for a little bit, I’m going to just search around here a little more. Call me when you can stand and I’ll head back your way.”

“Wh-what?! Dude! No! You are not splitting up from me right now. That’s like, rule number one of Horror Movie Science.”

Keith offered a small laugh. “We’re in a horror movie now?”

Lance nodded his head slowly, glance dead serious. “Yeah, this is like _Hills Have Eyes_ eerie, but instead of desert it’s just… white. Why is it all white?” He asked, scratching at the rock’s edge underneath himself. He was surprised to find not even grit or small rocks left on his fingertips. When he pushed down and drifted his opened palm over the texture, it felt almost like elastic, rubbery. 

Weird. 

“Okay, _Hills Have Eyes_ or not, I’m just going to look around here. Like I said, when you’re ready just call for me, I’m not going anywhere far.”

Lance looked like he wanted to argue, but bit his tongue. Keith seemed to be sensing something. Might as well just let him have this one.

Lance sighed, allowing his back to hit the wall of white behind him. That, too, felt more like rubber than it did rock. Lance shook his head, watching the departing form of his friend.

Keith did as he said, walking around the bouldered area, looking for any nooks or crannies that could offer any piece of information.

What was weird, Keith thought, was that even when he found an avalanched pile of fallen rocks, there were no holes, no areas that showed where the rocks had fallen against each other. It just looked a sheet of white blanketing them. He went to touch them, and a small tingle ran down his spine. 

He felt it before he saw it. 

There were eyes on his back, staring. Keith would have tried hiding, but he knew he had already been found.

He gulped, a pointed stick like leg gracefully landing on the terrain just feet behind him. The white stirred to life, trembling like it was sending out a signal.

The oncoming body shaded Keith’s own from the overcast sun. Whatever it was, it was colossal.

Keith decided to look up then, first noticing the fangs on its brachium trembling alongside the hairs of its pincers, as though it was purring. It had a bowl shaped carapace, and looked like a scorpion, all leg, pincers and small body.

Keith had dealt with scorpions due to living in the desert. That he could handle. What he couldn’t handle was having the ‘smaller’ part of the body alone be the size of a motherfucking football stadium, and it’s legs as long as the leaning tower of piza, both in length and width.

Keith was also not one for exaggerations, and he actually even felt this was an under exaggeration. The carapace alone could probably hold a small town on its back. Which meant only bad things for Keith if it just so happened to not be a vegetarian.

“Hey, Lance?” Keith whispered into his intercom in warning.

He could see the multiple sets of eyes all turn on him, picking up his voice. 

“I know Keith, I see it too.” Was all Lance said in reply, breath heavy against Keith’s own intercom.

“Don’t. Move.” Keith warned. 

And he realized now: The valley’s rocks weren’t naturally white sediments. It was webbing. Keith was walking on its web.

The creature opened its jaws, ripping a scream from its throat. It moved the land, and Keith felt himself lose his footing against the web, falling onto his knee and ripping his nails into the elastic texture in pain. It gushed underneath the rip, white creams of goo exuding from the premises. 

It immediately felt hot underneath Keith’s fingers and he retracted them quickly, feeling the poison that lay between the coiled fibers.

One of the thin, thin corduroy brown legs moved in slow motion, lifting its pointed edge, the claw, and taking a swing for the tiny human. Keith screamed, trying to duck out of the way from an incoming leg that was larger than a goddamn airplane.

The creature screamed again, the sound a mix of a fischer cat and barn owl, high pitched and distressing, forcing Keith once again onto his knees and covering his ears even through his own helmet. 

He could hear Lance screaming in the after effect, the web shaking under his touch.

“Lance. Don’t.” Keith begged through staggered breaths.

“ _What do you mean don’t, Keith?! What is that scream? Why is it screaming? WHY IS THE CAMEL SPIDER SCREAMING!? Just, Jesus Keith, get back here!”_

When Keith only snarled, thinking it looked more like a tailless whip scorpion, did he hear Lance literally scream, “ _GET THE HELL BACK HERE!!!”_

Keith felt the limb slam into him, tossing him like a blade of cut grass high into the air. He grabbed his bayard, changing it mid fall. He saw one of its 10 legs coming towards him, and he reached out for it, using his jet pack to fly towards it. He grabbed onto the limb, digging his feet into the exoskeleton to stop his fall.

The limbs were two parts of the same structure, like the tibia and fibula of a human leg, an opening between each junction of the meeting areas.

He slid down the leg like a pole, and fell to the ground safely when it stomped down. The pointed claw reached up and was falling towards him again, meant to crush him. So like a sewing needle sticking upwards, Keith lifted his sword and tore the limb into two when it began to land. The pressure of the one limb broke Keith into a fall, forcing him onto his knees, trying to keep his body and shaking arms upright. Its toxic white blood gushed over him in waterfalls of globs, and Keith could see the steam coming off of it. It stung, even through his armour, the gas from the creatures blood was entering his respiratory tank. 

“Shit,” he called as the creature screamed again. It tried to land on the leg, but only fell forward, unsteady in pain from a limp it had never once felt before. And Keith dove for the weakness. He climbed once again up the leg, and stopped only a quarter ways up. He started hacking like a lumberjack cutting a trunk, the metatarsus of the leg becoming thinner and thinner as the blood gushed out. 

He kept hacking, the tailless whip scorpion/camel spider mix swinging the boy around, trying to get to the smaller being off. It screamed from pain as Keith fell backwards, the cut off limb being tugged along with him. He was easily 20ft in the air, and even with trying to jump the last minute, the limb still fell on top of him, forcing him with a horrible thud onto his back. He whammed his head against the boulder laying underneath the web, and all his breath was pushed out of him at once. He wheezed, trying to pant. Keith could see two, just like in all the scenarios when someone hit their head, but fortunately not like the two field visions he’d recently become accustomed. He tried to refocus, could see two more limbs flying his way.

He tried to breath in, forcing the gushing white bloody tree of a limb off of his body. When he looked up, the creature was using the higher up cliffs as its peering base, the other limbs swinging down into the valley crescents where Keith was. Keith swallowed some blood, knowing he was the bug in this scenario, the unwanted tiny spider hiding away carelessly and unexpectedly in someone’s home.

And he could guess his ending wouldn’t be any different from that little spiders.

“Shit,” he repeated, trying to move. He bit back his scream when he got up on his two feet, his leg and ankle sending stabbing pains through his body.

He looked down, noticed the oddly bent angle of his bones.

No one could expect to fall from that height with a tree falling on top of you, slamming you into near concrete without an accident occurring.

Keith was only human after all.

He tried to limp away, mostly jumping on his one foot. The scorpion/spider, scorpider, swung again, this time barely missing. But the wave of air it created as it passed forced Keith off of his one foot, and he felt himself fly forward. He landed against his chest, skidded to a painful rolling stop. It wasn’t at all graceful, the pain now extending into his neck.

He could feel how it almost snapped, happy that it was just his collarbone that remained significantly damaged.

If Keith thought about it, this pain wasn’t much different from his first accident on his bike in the desert. Yeah, yeah. This was just a bike accident. He’d surived that, right?

The scorpider hissed, now angered from his one of ten severed limbs. The hairs on its chelicera furrowed, moving like little leaves on a tree as it almost purred from its soon to be small sized snack. 

Keith couldn’t help but think of those small packs of chips he’d used to buy for cheap in the food vents at the garrison. All air and little chip, only mildly satisfying and not at all making one feel full.

Keith realized with a gulp that he was the chip bag in this scenario.

It hissed, moving its face closer. Keith could feel the extended cold air of its breath fall over him, the toxic fumes beginning to paralyze his hurt muscles.

Keith could only lay there. Things started to move, things began to tilt. His eyesight became jutted, and he swore it was like he had just taken shrooms from how things began to wave in different coloured distortions. 

He looked towards his finger tips, the only remaining part of his vision that didn’t move, that didn’t betray his eyesight. He sucked in a breath, his eyes heavy and falling. He tried to move in fingertips, tried to, tried to. He could feel them shake, could see his minimal efforts. 

Keith wanted to scream, but he couldn’t find it anywhere in his capacity to do so.

The creature lifted him up kindly with one of its limbs, gracefully analyzing him from its gentle pincers. It moved Keith closer to its many eyes which all blinked in unison. The eyes were bigger than Keith’s own body too. Heh, go figure.

It inspected him slowly, carefully, almost cutely, a scientist to a corpse while it moved Keith around and studying his foreign features with all of its pointed limbs in mid air. Keith wasn’t sure if it was his own mind, or if the creature was actually turning a different colour. It slowly morphed into the bright white purple that was so reminiscent to Shiro’s arm. Keith looked back into the creatures blinking eyes, lulling him into a paralyzed state, dragging him in. Keith swore he saw a strange image of Shiro, toppled over in a bathroom somewhere, grunting, and then a picture of a strangely shaped tree, dancing away while a rain storm passed by on a cliff’s edge. There was a flash of lightning that brought Keith back to his body with a heated intake of air when the creature closed its eyes completely.

It seemed to purr, throwing Keith up into the air with no reason. It screamed, one of it’s many elastic band like tongues stretching from its mouth and catching its prey 50 ft. above its own head. 

Keith could feel the toxic clouds through his unmoving fingertips from here.

Nevermind, Keith thought, while the tongue winded around his torso and arms, squeezing him tightly. This was a weirdly shaped frog, and Keith was the fly. Everything was bright white purple. It was too bright. It was moving in waves. Had Keith unknowingly taken something back on the ship? This was surreal.

And the tongue’s squeeze would have been painful. Keith would have screamed when it squeezed so hard it broke three of his ribs.

But the acid from before, from its blood and its coiled web, it was a numbing liquid. Even on planets far away, life could be kind enough so the prey didn’t feel their own death, couldn’t comprehend their predicament before it was too late.

Planets away, this death was kind.

Keith was left heavy lidded and barely breathing, coming closer and closer to the fangs that were tossing white elastic bands his way, wrapping his torso and limbs in its silky spit.

Keith didn’t catch the exact moment when the creature screamed, a giant mass of moving black flying around like a horsefly, annoying the creature. It turned away from its meal that was still wrapped around one of its tongue.

Keith tried to keep his eyes open, needed to see the turn of events. But it was so difficult.

If he just closed his eyes, he’d be with Shiro.

He could already feel the warmth. The stinging, numbing warmth that peace could provide him. 

The black mass was now shooting a laser beam at the tough carapace, barely breaking its walls. The beam turned to into a jaw blade, skidding against the hardened shell.

The creature screamed right onto Keith and he could feel the red liquid falling out of his ears, his damaged ear drums never even once felt aside from the no longer lingering sounds.

Keith couldn’t hear the eerie quiet then, only the blood flowing through himself, now outside of himself.

With peppering flicks of his eyelashes, he watched while the Black Lion attacked the head, the shell, swung around and used its mouth blade to cut 2.. 3… 4 of its legs with one devastating swoop.

White gush exploded out of its limbs, and the creature went down, Keith still in its grasp.

All in all, it was a softer landing than anticipated. The tongue hit the ground and recoiled, flinging Keith’s fragile body. 

He smashed into the wall of webbed rocks, his head hitting with a harsh crack.

He honestly didn’t know how was still alive, eyes still open and all seeing. 

The Black Lion landed just beside the creature, who was now left whimpering while it tried to scatter away in fear. The Red Paladin himself laid only a few feet away from the opening cockpit. 

When Keith lifted his head, his vision painful and pressure against his forehead throbbing, he moved his tongue around his mouth. It felt swollen, too big to fit inside.

He tried to blink, could feel the slight trembles of someone moving towards him underneath the web.

He saw only a form, only a body, walking closer.

Keith could only see the shades of white, contrasting unsurely against the darker tones of the Paladin’s armour. He couldn’t place the colour, but he looked kind. Familiar. Keith called his name, knowing in his heart who it was. But they didn’t hear him. It didn’t matter. He was home.

He reached Keith with his arms spread out, mouth moving. Keith smiled as best as his swollen and battered face could. 

The land stopped its illuminating bright white purple when the creature either fell to its knees unconscious or dead. The energy’s pull stopped in his chest and the Black Lion began to purr from its descent. Keith knew they’d found what they were looking for.

The faceless person jostled him around, swinging their arms under Keith’s legs and the under Keith’s shoulder, holding him in a bridal carry. He tucked Keith into his own chest, and Keith could feel, not hear, as the person cried out for him, to look at him.

Keith couldn’t move his neck. Everything was blurry, shaky. It was all too bright and careless.

But Keith felt comfort in the large, sturdy arms.

He finally closed his eyes, the person now screaming as they ran back to Black.

Keith could only say “Shiro’ in awe and relief when he passed out, letting himself be taken away by the man he was searching for.

  

***---***---***---***---***

 

_Lance felt inconsolable when he jumped out of the cockpit of the Black Lion, still amazed it had allowed him to pilot in effort of saving Keith. The colossal creature was crawling away after Lance’s attack, back towards its hideout. It didn’t die, but it seemed to rest after that brutal attack, its limbs slowly rejuvenating in its unconscious state at a slower rate than its blood exited its body. It screamed in agony, and Lance wondered how much longer it had._

_The fight seemed unfair both from its attack on Keith and Lance’s attack on it, but Lance could feel guilty later. He ran to Keith who laid still against the shadows of a white boulder. He could barely just keep his eyes open, regarding Lance’s oncoming form with such a hopeful and peaceful expression that it threw Lance off as he made way for the black haired boy. Lance shouted his name, but Keith didn’t respond, continued looking around slowly like he was on cloud nine. It was worrisome, and only made Lance run faster._

_But Lance could see the jutted out ankle bone, collarbone, the bleeding ears. The sad fact of reality was those were only the things Lance could see. There was no telling what lay beneath the slowing disappearing armour._

_There were still fumes roaming off of the original Red Paladin’s now disintegrating clothing. It literally evaporated into the sky, showing Keith’s skin which immediately became a blistering rash from the toxic exposure._

_“Shit, Keith. Come on.”_

_Keith was rasping, trying to unknowingly grab for his breath. Keith still didn’t notice any of his injuries._

_Lance was a careful as ever, though, moving Keith around as to not hurt him further. His effort was mute, he knew, but he still tried his best._

_Keith never once complained. Lance kept shouting his name, trying to get him to respond, but Keith never did. He seemed like a baby resting on their mother’s chest, content and quiet. So Lance tucked his head into his shoulder and ran towards Black’s still open mouth, still shouting, hoping the vibrations of his voice box would jostle Keith to stay awake._

_He probably had a concussion. He needed to stay awake._

_When he sat down in Black’s chair, Keith was finally looking up at him, euphoric._

_Lance was met with bleary, tearful violet eyes, a broken expression that remained so hopeful through the cracked and bleeding smile. He looked relieved as he looked at Lance like he owned the world._

_He uttered a broken, ‘Shiro’ before he passed out happily in Lance’s arms._

_Lance gulped, steadying his own breath for a moment. He was once a kid who looked to the stars and dreamt of flying and being a hero. Well, Lance got his one wish._

_This was his life now. This was the harsh reality that came with that childish dream of flying and being a so-called ‘hero’._

 

***---***---***---***---***

 

Simply because life had never been kind, Keith dreamt of Shiro. It was more of a memory, a playthrough of events already passed that Keith experienced. He liked it though.

Shiro was still there with him in those moments.

They were on Shiro’s roof, Keith twelve and Shiro fifteen while the desert sun began to set. It was all pastel yellows and oranges, the summer heat still peeling off layers of burnt skin on the boys’ naked shoulders. They only wore their swimming trunks, Shiro happy that Keith let him see him like that, bruises and all.

For the first time in what seemed like a long while, Keith’s foster parents weren’t kind. The other recent ones had just lost motivation, the pain of being unable to connect enough to bring Keith back time and time again to the orphanage. 

But this time, rather than just plain ignoring or having the inability to connect, these parents made themselves known in Keith’s life, like a storm hailing down on a single flickering flame.

They were complete opposites, rules against rebellion, and Keith was left with the damage.

“You don’t have to go back tonight, you know.” Shiro offered, arms around his knees. “My Dad is cool with you staying again.”

Keith laid against the tiles, arms under his head like a pillow. “He always is.” He muttered, voice smaller now in ways that Shiro had never heard, not even when he accidently stepped on him behind that dumpster years back.

“Of course he is. You’re like family.”

Keith smiled at that, his heart stuttering a bit at Shiro’s words. He pressed the emotion back down his throat, though, keeping that youthful desire at bay. He couldn’t afford the falsity of hope.

“I’m nobody’s family.”

“Keith, don’t say that.”

“But it’s true.” Keith had confessed, lip quivering but eyes dead to the world. “My Dad left me in a mall. I’m picked on at school by classmates and teachers, and every foster family takes me back. And the ones who don’t? They just show me what I’m actually here for: taking all the painful shit so other people don’t have to.”

“Keith-“

“My Mom left me when I was a baby, Shiro. My own Mom didn’t want me when I was all cute and cuddly and shit. That just proves it! I’ve been unlovable since the day I was born, but that’s okay.”

Shiro looked thoughtfully towards his younger friend, pushing against his burnt shoulder playfully. “Keith, you’re not even thirteen. You’re not supposed to be this angsty yet.”

Keith laughed loudly, snorting at Shiro’s words and slapping his hand away. He then turned back to the sky, unseen dreams flowing freely behind his eyes.

“But one day I will be.” Keith promised, voice strong and unwavering. “I’ll show everyone that I’m worth something. I’m going to fly in space, be the best goddamn pilot there is. And once I succeed, I’ll prove to everyone that I’m worth being loved."

Shiro shook his head, devastated by his friend’s words. “You don’t have to prove that you’re worth being loved, Keith. Love is something that shouldn’t be expected. It isn’t required for status.”

“Tell that to 16th Century Aristocrats… or my foster Dad.”

Shiro winced, brushing his hand over the heated, rough tiled roof. “But you’re here with me, right? A-and I mean, I care about you a lot. That’s a type of love.”

Keith whipped his eyes back to Shiro, genuine confusion written in his wavering expression. “Is it?” He asked, voice small and broken.

Shiro smiled and patted Keith’s back. “Yeah, Keith. It is.”

“Okay fine, but it’s not going to last.” When Shiro quirked an eyebrow, Keith rolled his eyes. “Shiro, come on, you’re not that dumb.” 

When Shiro still remained unsure, Keith let out a loud groan and an indignant roll of his eyes. “You’re going to the Galaxy Garrison next year, which you totally deserve by the way, so don’t think I don’t want this for you. But I know we won’t hang as much. We won’t be together. A-and you only care for me now because I’m always with you. So what you’re saying now won’t apply then.” 

Shiro shook his head, his argument ready on the tip of his tongue. “Love and family don’t simply leave just because you’re not with them 24/7. “

“Mine do.” Keith muttered.

Shiro grabbed Keith by his shoulders, forcing them to look each other in the eyes. “Hey, no, no. Keith, I promise you. I’ll always be there for you, even if I’m not right beside you. I promise that I’ll always be your friend, no matter what.”

Keith grimaced a little. “Even when you leave to live in the inescapable dorms?”

“Have I left you yet, even when you lived in the inescapable orphanage?" 

Keith shrugged thoughtfully. “No. No I guess you didn’t.”

“See? I wont leave you. We’ll always be friends. We’ll always be there for each other until the end. I promise.”

Shiro stuck out his pinkie, the sun now gone behind him and leaving the soft blue hues of dusk in its place.

Keith thought about it.

“Forever?” He asked, hesitating as though the promise was dictated by that one word.

Shiro smiled, his Dad calling out for them to come get their food since the football game was about to start.

“I promise a forever.”

The two boys pinkie swore under the summer sun. And it was the one thing Keith never failed to believe.

Home had never been a place. Instead, being by Shiro’s side, Keith could understand what all those stories he’d read about with warm smiles, food made with love, hugs comforting enough to keep the monsters at bay, actually meant. Shiro didn’t need to always be there, because sometimes those memories were enough to keep Keith going.

 

***---***---***---***---***

 

Keith woke up in a black wife beater and white sweatpants that were suspiciously not his own and a little too big.

He felt thin blankets over himself, a pillow tucked underneath his head. He looked towards the cushions on the couches in the Castle of Lions, and Keith knew he was back.

He heard murmurings behind him, hushed and panicked voices speaking frantically over one another.

While it seemed mostly like incoherent jumbles to his waking mind, he caught the gist of the loud argument. 

“He went against orders, Lance! He flew Black out there by himself. What would have happened if you hadn’t been there and we were too late? He didn’t think it through. And what if there had been another attack? Huh? He just left. He can’t be trusted. 

“Allura calm down-“ Hunk tried.

“Allura, he needed to go there. We didn’t even find anything, but it seemed to help him.” 

“And he said it was because of the energy right? Something called out for him?”

Keith could imagine Lance nodding his head.

“I don’t like that. Following pesky premonitions: it’s ill-fated, and can’t be trusted-“

“It’s just who he is, Allura. He always follows his instincts, that’s always been Keith-“

“I cannot allow it to continue! That is _not_ how a leader runs his team! It may have always happened in the past when he had nothing else to rely on, but now he has us, so he must stop this! It’s getting worse, and we all know it. Something is going on with him, most likely related to his Galra heritage, I’m sure of it. And the fact that he took the Black Lion of all things? He should be thinking through his plans, especially since he is able to fly the Lion. But instead? He proves himself disloyal and untrustworthy, again and again.”

“Allura, you can’t say that! He’s having a hard enough time-”

“We’ve all been having a hard time, Lance. Not just Keith. How much longer can we allow this to go on for? It’s already been almost eight months. We need a new Black or Red Paladin. That’s just how it is.” Pidge offered, understanding both sides of the argument.

“He can still lead us, that was Shiro’s request. He just had one step back, it’s fine!” Lance shouted.

The rising tension could be cut with a knife.

“If this continues, he’ll not be allowed inside either Black or Red, and it won’t be from my orders. His alignments with the lions are changing. He’s simply not stable enough.”

Keith shuttered, listening to Allura’s fading steps. The others disappeared after that, and Keith thought they were all gone when he moved around, blinking over the bright lights. His muscles still hurt, and he had enough bruises covering his body to look like a painted canvas.

He was bruised, but nowhere hurt enough to spend time in the pod.

He was actually happy for this decision.

Keith saw Lance standing at the doorway, back stiff and turned away. He hadn’t seemed to realize the other had awoken throughout the loud argument. Keith watched as his fists tightened. He too wore only a white wife beater and black sweatpants, his arm covered in white bandages.

Keith thought he heard him sniffle. 

So he cleared his soar throat, and tried to enunciate his words through the raw tone. 

“Shiro’s not here, is he.” 

Lance whipped around, and Keith could see the bandage covering his own bruised nose. Small, blue eyes softened as he approached his leader.

“You’re awake.”

Keith sat up slowly, his bruises forcing him to feel every movement with a small wave of pain. He didn’t grunt or make any sounds, only impressed that he actually still had muscles and aches left to feel. 

And his hearing was perfectly intact. That was a nice plus.

Or at the least kind of, given the first things he heard since waking up was an argument about him….

Keith stayed silent, even when he finally placed his elbows on his knees and looked towards the Blue Paladin.

Lance was trying to keep the façade up, like he hadn’t just been about to cry. He sniffled back the tears in his eyes, making his way to Keith with a sad smile.

“Hey, how are you doing? The bruises look better.” He tried, placing himself on his knees between Keith’s opened legs. He looked over Keith’s skin, making sure the kid wasn’t unknowingly bleeding anywhere. 

Keith remained silent.

“You gave us quite the scare. We put you into the cryopod, but it spit you back out after a few days. Literally. You fell on your face because you were still unconscious, so if your nose also feels bruised that’s why.”

Keith watched Lance and noticed how Lance’s eyes stayed away from Keith’s invading look. He rubbed his shaking hands over the bandages, then onto Keith’s own arms. He just needed to keep moving. 

“You’ve been asleep for three days now. Insane right? I knew you were tired, but three days, man? That’s pathetic, even for you.” He half-heartedly joked. 

Keith opened his mouth when Lance sniffled. “Lance,” he tried, voice box apparently still too bruised from whatever that damned scorpider thing did to his system.

Lance bit his lip, stopping the oncoming sob. 

“Lance. It’s okay.” Keith spoke softly, barely there. And Lance finally met Keith’s own eyes, scared by how that the spark of fire was gone and left absolutely nothing in its place.

It seemed like Keith’s own soul had just disappeared along with Shiro’s. And Lance couldn’t deal with that, had already spent the last three days mulling over Keith’s broken yet so hopeful expression when Lance picked him up, carried him to the Lion. He’d said ‘ _Shiro_ ’ with so much belief, that Lance felt his own heart tear itself in half from his guilt. 

Lance wasn’t Shiro, and thus could never be what Keith needed.

And when he thought long and hard about it, that was fine. Because, damn it, Lance had already lost Shiro and still so desperately missed his family back on Earth. He couldn’t lose someone else to their own mind, too. 

Tears made their way down Lance’s face, his face contorting when he began to ugly sob.

Keith grabbed for Lance’s head, and slowly brought him into the crook of his neck, his arms falling over Lance’s back as he pulled the Blue Paladin into a hug. Lance remained on his knees on the floor, his hands clenching onto Keith’s black shirt. 

He sobbed, and Keith didn’t do much else than soothe him with automatic, tense back rubs. 

His own thoughts of what Allura said numbed him, forced himself away from this place. 

He dissociated with the scene.

 _“He’s simply not stable enough.”_  

A strange energy? A pulling at his chest that left a blinding pain overtaking him until he followed it? Yeah, Keith could agree with Allura’s statement.

_“He’s simply not stable enough.”_

Keith could feel his mind contort, losing the battle of familiar control. He was going crazy. And his friends had to watch, doing nothing but stand along the sidelines. Keith knew he was losing it. 

_“He’s simply not stable enough.”_

Then again, had he ever been?

  

***---***---***---***---***

  

Keith couldn’t keep a good handle on the Black Lion, and eventually Black just stopped listening to anyone. Keith was allowed in, the only one to do so, but he couldn’t move the beast. Even Lance wasn’t allowed inside anymore. And the Red Lion refused to open her doors for Matt, Coran, and even Allura.

 They were running out of options. 

“You’re doing something, aren’t you?” Allura asked, prejudice obvious in her tone as she cornered him in the control room after one of their many meetings. “To the Lions?”

Keith sat still, tried to remain only a passerby in this conversation about him.

“No, Allura. I didn’t say anything.” He said simply.

“Then why won’t Red respond? To any of us!?” She seethed, cheeks plump and red. This was her one mission, and _he_ was fucking it up for her.

He didn’t even shrug, didn’t do much of anything as he replied. “Maybe because I’m the true Red Paladin and I’m only looking after Black while Shiro is away.”

Allura threw up with hands. “That’s ridiculous Keith. Shiro is gone! He always will be! So tell Red to let us in, or tell Black. Either way, I’m losing my patience.”

Keith didn’t reply, knowing he was never going to win this one-sided argument.

“Keith, we need Voltron soon. We all know the rumours. There’s something else out there. Possibly even bigger than Zarkon from the sounds of it. And it’s going to come for us sooner or later. I’d like to be prepared for whenever that happens.”

Keith understandably nodded. “And I agree with you, Allura. I’m not trying to be purposely obtuse here. I want to save the Universe, I want to see my teammates and yourself stay alive. I can’t watch any more deaths, either. But what I’m telling you now is the truth. It’s what Red and Black mentioned to me.” 

Keith fell back, arms beginning to cross while he continued to try and explain his situation.

“I can’t tell either of them to open up for a new pilot, not when Shiro and myself are still alive and mentally aligned to them. They won’t allow it. Shiro is coming back. “

Allura screamed, throwing her fists into the air. The woman had a temper when it called for it. “Keith this is absurd. Shiro is gone, just like my Father! You think I saw his body to get over his death, to grieve? Well, I didn’t, but here I am, still alive and fighting. I’m not dwelling like you.” Keith winced, and Allura pushed a hand into his chest, forcing him backwards from her anger. “And besides, Black only senses Shiro’s remaining quintessence. I know we all do, but you have to let go, and then Black will let go. Move on, and life will get easier, I promise you that. It’s- it’s coming from some who knows what that this is like.” She said biting her lip, holding onto her elbows self-consciously, drawing away from Keith.

Keith bit his lip, could almost taste the blood underneath his pointer teeth. “You make it sound like Black and Red are only responding to my own thoughts, instead of the other way around.”

Allura let out an indignant sigh, loud and clearly frustrated from this back and forth banter that was only going nowhere. “They’re sentient, Keith, but they’re still only beasts. Always have and always will be. Violence is their world, not understanding the notion of grief. Black only comprehends that his pilot is lost, and still senses his last remaining bits of quintessence. That is all. So I expect you to tell him differently. And by tonight, Keith.”

“No, Allura. I won’t do it. Shiro is alive. I know it.”

“Keith, for heavens sake talk to someone! You’re losing yourself to this crazy belief that Shiro will return. He isn’t returning! I’m sorry but you’re burdening not only yourself and your teammates, but now the Lions as well! They too believe this crazy idea of yours, and its affecting everyone!”

Keith turned away, head down and eyes on the ever shining floor. He couldn’t watch Allura seethe anymore.

“His body blew up and turned to dust after Zarkon’s fight. Shiro. Is. Dead. And you have to let go.” Allura left to Red’s hangar where both Red and Black still lay. She was as angry as ever while she tried once again to get through to the beasts. The Altean beauty never had any luck. 

The headaches became more frequent for Keith, more blaringly obvious for the rest of his team too when he chose to spend his days tossing in bed when he wasn’t needed for a rescue mission or any political ally nonsense. 

He couldn’t even get his body up to train much anymore, his muscles too sore to move.

Keith started to believe the words he knew his teammates were only whispering.

Keith was losing his mind, finally needed professional help. He couldn’t keep up with all that silly talk about reality shifts, and seeing different Shiros. Allura had scoffed when he first mentioned it, telling him to stop daydreaming and that it was all inside his head.

Was it? Keith could believe it. It felt too real, but then again, he’d started feeling safe in the castle, happy. It was only a matter of time before that turned on him too. 

It was his destiny, he thought, to take the pain so no one else ever did. He was happy it was happening to him, considering. He didn’t know if he couldn’t handle watching the mental collapse of one of his teammates.

He’d be in a meeting, and the world would literally turn upside down. Allura sometimes changed colours in the other events, but Coran always had his moustache, no matter what age he was.

He’d always see his own world, but in the others, only something different would happen to split it. He’d think about saying one thing, but instead say something else, no longer recognizing his own instincts. He didn’t just say his thoughts aloud anymore.

He thought through his actions, trying to ease everyone’s concerns.

And that’s when his reality started to become insufferable.

In the other events, he’d say the first thing that came to his mind, hadn’t stopped and thought about the consequences. It always ended badly in that timeline.

But Keith didn’t know what he was seeing, and even if the sepia toned blurbs spoke to him, Keith knew it was crazy.

Again, when he spoke about his experiences, everyone else thought he was crazy too.

At least Keith wasn’t alone with that sentiment. 

So when it got really bad and Keith lost himself, he would leave the room, walk away, the other Keith and Allura still in the meeting room and arguing over each other loudly.

His vision swayed and jutted out like static, waves of nausea passed and his headache blared. There was that energy, back and pulling at him to follow.

He didn’t listen this time.

He’d have to lie down, close his eyes, and only the thought of Shiro would bring him back to reality.

 

***---***---***---***---***

 

It was after one of those times that Keith dreamed, the energy pull turning into an eruption in his chest for him to concentrate on. He tried to sleep it off, tossing and turning, but the need to go for it was devastating. 

So he dreamed of the experiences of his past, leaving him unfulfilled but somewhat happy. It was then that the energy’s pull became angry and decided to find him. It sought him out, came at him as a rush water, washing over him and taking away his body like a wave to the ocean.

The reality shifted, churning at his memory. He witnessed a movie like event take place before his eyes. He saw himself, all too determined and emotionless, flying straight into the black hole he saw just before entering the scorpider’s planet. He could hear the shouts of his teammates from behind his microphones, begging him not to go.

The other Keith kept flying, ignoring his team. Keith frantically floated alongside the Black Lion, unable to do nothing but watch his own demise.

He turned, looking towards the direction they were flying towards.

And he saw something peculiar, something only realistic in dreams and fantasy, but there was the body there. It was floating unconscious in the portal of nothingness. The gravity was dense, too dense as they kept flying further into the depths.

Keith almost wanted to stop it himself, didn’t understand how he could see this, why he was seeing this.

But Shiro was there and needing help.

His help. 

Keith called out to him, screaming for him to wake up. The void began to overtake Keith’s eyes, drowning out any noise he could further hear. His friends disappeared like burnt scrolls, forever lost to the world of Keith’s mind. 

He reached out his hand, the pressure becoming too much and collapsing his bones. He could barely feel his numb muscles, trying to stretch them outward, trying to reach.

He screamed again, so close to Shiro, could just barely touch his floating skin, he could reach it. 

He was so close, so close and-

When he touched Shiro he fell down and down and landed in a black heap. There was a mirror image, shaky and unstable left bright right before him, like a portal. Keith rose onto unstable feet, walking towards what called to him.

Through the glass he saw himself, sitting on a luxurious couch looking nauseas. The two Keith’s remained still, blinking at each other as their worlds fell away, becoming one to the darkness of the plane. There was a hardy edge between them, forcing the other apart. He could see Shiro, _his_ Shiro, sitting on the couch, mind completely gone and eyes glazed over. His arm was offering flashes of the Galran purple, a party scene jumbled into pieces behind him. Keith could see Lance and Hunk kiss. He felt tenderness for the situation, not yet completely sure how to feel about it, but his eyes ultimately drifted back towards Shiro, just as he always had. His other own scared self lifted a shaking hand to Shiro’s thigh, asking Shiro if he was okay while his own eyes stared into this other timeline, obviously fearful from the confusion he felt. Keith felt content at seeing this.

At least Shiro was taken care of, it seemed.

The other Keith gasped loudly when Black landed powerfully behind him. There was no wind, but Keith could feel Black’s energy through his core, shake the room and the blurry portal to see into this strange space back on Earth.

Keith moved forward, lifting his hand against the circular mirror. When he pressed against it, it felt like sludge, moving like both a solid and a liquid underneath his touch. 

The other Keith only remained in shock. 

So Keith closed his eyes and focused, sending a multitude of images to the other Keith, making sure he understood what his Shiro had been through. What he had lived through. Shiro needed to be treated right after all.

He sent images of the Black Lion, of the Red Lion, flying on Arus, images of the Galra and Zarkon that still haunted his nightmares.

But mostly, he sent images and the emotions attached to forming Voltron, with his friends. From behind his eyes, he felt the Black Lion shake the black plane beneath his feet from pride. Black roared majestically, and Keith too was met with images from the other Keith’s life, understood in some capacity what was happening there. It was much like connecting with the lions, no words, only images and emotions washing over his tired bones. When he opened his eyes, he could see Shiro come back to himself, a small knowing smile on his lips.

Keith went to reach out, to call for him, but the other Keith beat him to the metaphorical punch.

Keith was flung away from the blackened pit like a tornado, the world collapsing around him. He came to with words he never said tumbling out from between his split lips. 

“I believe you!” He screamed, wrenching forward. He was panting loudly, looking around the tense room. 

“Ookay?” Lance drawled behind him. The group was all in the leisure room, sitting on the couches after training, just talking quietly to each other.

The others now instead watched Keith trying regain his composure. Keith blinked, choking down bile. His mind was racing a mile a minute when it had been so at peace only moment ago.

What just happened?! He knew what he just saw, but why?! How?!

And Shiro! That was Shiro! Just floating helplessly, dying! Was he dying?

No, no he couldn’t, Keith didn’t believe it, still saw his vitals from inside Black. Was that where Shiro was? Inside the Black Hole near that devastated planet? Was that where the pull came from?

“I saw Shiro! He was in the black hole, he was floating inside the black, he was there, but then, but after-“

Lance came up beside him, carefully. He reached for Keith’s shoulder as a peace offering.

“Hey, it’s okay. It was probably just a bad dream, Shiro-“

“No!” Keith screamed, jumping up from his spot on the couch, stumbling forward while his gravity continued to shift. Everything was off, his body was no longer aligned with this place. He knew it was going to happen eventually. 

He just didn’t think it’d be this soon.

Both Lance and Hunk reached out to catch him before he fell. Keith was able to catch his own step though, remaining upright even without his friend’s help. Hunk and Lance stayed by his side, worried by their friend's crazed look.

“It was Shiro, I know it. It wasn’t a dream!”

Right? Keith felt himself tear up at his own loss. He was losing his mind, wasn’t he? Lance reached out an arm, grabbing for Keith and pulling him into a hug. Keith instantly tried to tear himself away, ripping at Lance's skin. Hunk came up behind him, offering his own support, holding up Keith while Lance tried to calm him.

"It was him! It had to be him! I can't handle-"

Keith was actually going crazy. What Allura had said about him being unstable was true, Keith finally understood. It had to be. That was the only reasonable explanation for it. He reached to run a hand through his hair, screaming loudly when he pulled at it. He was losing it. He bit his lip, tears springing to his eyes while he looked towards the floor.

He was losing it.

“Okay, okay, calm down, man!” Lance shouted back, trying to keep Keith standing while the Red Paladin moved viciously in his arms. Keith's legs fell from beneath him, falling over into Lance and Hunk's hold completely, crying out.

“Which did you see? The mafia Shiro? The Shiro that works at a gym? Or, ohh? The artist Shiro, that one is my favourite! You make quite the nude model in that one!” Slav piped up from the couch with a wink, splayed out and stretching his body like a little French girl. If he had lips he’d probably be biting them seductively. Or trying to, at least. 

Keith stilled, baffled, body rigid and tight in Lance and Hunk’s grip. 

“What? What do you mean?” Keith gasped, his hair a disarray and overshadowing his field of vision.

Slav shrugged, rising from the couch and gesturing with his multiple hands. “The Shiro you saw, it was an alternate reality, was it not? I see that you just saw alternate realities in this reality. It is a great gift, and what I see all the time!”

“The Shiro I saw was _our_ Shiro. I know that.” Keith stated, voice sour and cruel.

“Ahhh, so you saw the reality where he is currently at Hunk and Lance’s for their proposal. Ahhhh, that one doesn’t end so nice.”

Keith stopped, feeling himself sway at Slav’s words.

“Our Shiro is in a different reality?”

Slav nodded, enthused. “Oh, yes!”

“So I’m not going crazy?”

Slav shook his head. “At least not in this reality.”

Keith growled, throwing himself around in Lance and Hunk’s tight grip. “So you knew the entire time and you didn’t say anything?!” He screamed at the little ferret thing.

“Ahhh, yes. I knew the entire time. But I told you in multiple other quantum realities. Should I have also told you in this reality?”

Keith eyes almost popped, and he could feel Lance’s grip tighten. He wanted so badly to charge forward, strangle the space ferret until the depraved little bastard learned some common decency. 

“Obviously yes! So Shiro’s still alive?! Where is he?" 

Slav blinked in honest confusion. “I just told you. He’s in a quantum reality, currently at Hunk and Lance’s rather quaint condo for their proposal. It is a very nice place, I will say.”

Keith shoved Lance and Hunk’s arms away, standing up straight and determined.

“Wait, at _Hunk’s and Lance's_?” Hunk asked.

“Our pr-proposal?” Lance emphasized, eyes turning with shock towards his best friend. Both met in the middle, brown meeting ocean blue and they both felt a shiver instantly crawl down their spines. They turned away from the other at the thought, shades of embarrassment colouring their cheeks. 

Keith paid them no attention. “And how do we get him back?”

Slav shrugged, making a small gesture with only his top right hand.

“In this reality? He will figure it out. The Black and Red Paladin are always connected after all.”

Keith grit his teeth, needing to lash out at something. Yell, scream, _something!_

“Well what happens, then?! When is he coming back?! Is he coming back?! I want some goddamn answers!”

Slav shrugged, not comprehending Keith’s sudden anger.

“I do not know! This reality hasn’t gotten to that point yet!” He said simply with what Keith assumed to be a smile. He got up from the couch and hunkered away, humming a small song as he left. 

Keith clenched his hand, his skin tearing and bleeding underneath his nails.

“Keith?” Hunk asked, voice small and full of concern.

Keith kicked at the couch, whamming his foot hard into the cushioned furniture. He let out a small scream and ran out of the room, Lance and Hunk immediately calling out for him. He fled down the hallways, head down as he sprinted forward. He ran past a confused Allura and Coran, who called out to him in his wake. From the echoes of the halls past the sounds of his stomping feet, Keith could hear Lance and Hunk catching up to Allura, explaining the bizarre behaviour. 

Keith let out another muffled sound, tears starting to fall past his eyes. He couldn’t’ handle this-

 _His_ Shiro was alive, had been alive this entire goddamn time. _Fucking Slav._ And he was just stuck in another reality, and now there was nothing Keith could do but wait?! Again?!

He didn’t know where he was going until he found himself within the deep confines of the Red Lion’s hanger, looking directly onto Black.

“Did you know to?!” He screamed, pushing forward with ferocity towards the sentient beast. Black didn’t interact, stayed silent as though he were asleep. Keith knew differently, understood when he was just being ignored. 

“You knew this entire time, didn’t you?! You’ve been playing with my head! All those visions you showed me, they were the truth! And you, you just let me and everyone else think I was losing it? I thought I was going crazy! You started this!”

He shouted, punching at the black chipped paint of the paw. He punched it again, feeling only slight relief.

“You knew! You knew!’ He kept punching it, Red’s bond still in the back of his mind, flowing over him like a caring parent, hugging him to keep his darkest worries at bay- 

Like Keith had ever known that feeling, huh?

He kept punching and kicking Black until his knuckles were black and blue and bleeding. He collapsed against Black, letting the tears and emotions run through him. For the first time since his Dad left him abandoned in a mall and Shiro left for Kerberos, Keith sobbed. He cried out, feeling all those emotions he kept constrained deep within himself, resurfacing like a tsunami after being detained for so long. 

It was a long night.

 

***---***---***---***---***

 

“Shiro’s alive.” 

“Keith I already told you-“ 

“No, listen to me. Shiro is alive. I saw him. Myself and Slav know where he is. I don’t know how to get him back, but I know I need your help Allura.”

“Keith I just don’t-”

“Then maybe don’t listen to me! You’re still angry about me having Galra in my blood, I understand, but don’t take it out on Shiro. He’s alive, and he needs our help! Go talk to Slav, to Lance, or Hunk. They were there too. They get it. They believe me. Why can’t you?”

Keith felt the pull, the ingrained sense to run away, to go find it again. He swore he heard the reminisces of an oncoming storm, thunder that was too far away, a lightning strike fading into oblivion as it touched onto land.

“I can’t let myself hope for the intangible, Keith. I did it once with my Father’s memories. I can’t allow myself to become a hindrance to the team once again.” 

Keith sighed, knowing this was a battle he was never going to win.

He was about to turn and leave the room when the distress signal came in, blaring the sound system for everyone to meet up in the control room.

Keith bit his lip when Allura’s eyes met his own.

“Suit up, Keith. We’ll talk about this later." 

Later never did come.

 

***---***---***---***---***

 

It was supposed to be a small mission, a simple distress beacon coming from a small moon. There were some alien’s whose ship had been stolen by local pirates. It should have been easy. They hadn’t formed Voltron in months and they hadn’t even needed to.

But the universe seemed to be against them for whatever reason, and there was a surprise attack created by Haggar and the arrival of Prince Lotor. After returning the stolen ship, an incoming Galra fleet was sensed, and Allura immediately recognized the symbols.

Prince Lotor’s name had become a rumour stirring around the galaxy; he was Zarkon’s only son who was angry and out for blood. They hadn’t actually seen him until the fight. But he was as ruthless as he was cold, tactful in all the ways his father wasn’t. He didn’t even seem interested in Voltron either, only seemed to hate it for the addiction it made his Father suffer. But either way, he was the Prince’s Son, and the Empire’s only reign. 

He wasn’t about to let his Father’s good name be sullied by some young and ignorant humans.

The fleets just kept coming, more and more ships arriving before they could even get into their lions, start the war that was literally waiting along the horizon. 

Allura called that they needed Voltron. 

Everyone froze in their seats from the communications room.

“But- but Allura. We still don’t have someone to pilot-“ Coran began, only to get cut off by an angry princess.

“Yes we do, and we all know it!” Allura shouted, turning to Keith, finger pointed rudely.

“The Black Lion wont even let anyone else near him, and yet you spend nights in his cockpit, and you’ve piloted him twice now. You’re the only we have, Keith, you have to pilot the Black Lion.”

He shook his head defiantly. “I won’t leave Red.”

“Keith, just do what Shiro asked and pilot the Black Lion. He left that responsibility to you, we all know that! So instead of defying his last request, you should honour Shiro’s memory and pilot the Black Lion with respect!"

A blast hit the castle’s defences, breaking through the particle barrier and rattling the ship. Allura looked particularly scared. Her harsh words did nothing to move Keith, so she let down her walls and allowed her fear be shown for once.

“Keith. Please.” She begged.

The sincerity in her eyes was what did it, and Keith let his rigid muscles fall loose, his guilt obvious. “Allura, I know I can’t.” He almost whispered. “Black won’t let me without a cause, and it usually has to do Shiro. I’ll go talk with Red, let Lance take her over. But I can’t pilot Black. I’m sorry… And after this? I think it’s best if I leave, or you drop me back on Earth.” 

Lance stopped moving, turning towards the Princess and Keith.

“Keith. What are you saying?” He muttered, feeling a literal tear in his body from Keith’s implication.

Keith looked hurt, clutching at his right arm. “Obviously I’ve changed, and I don’t think I’m meant to be a part of Voltron anymore. I’m sorry.” He left Allura behind with that statement, grabbing Lance’s elbow and moving the two out of the communication room and towards the hangar.

“Keith, you can’t seriously mean-“

“Just please, Lance. Not now.” Keith all but begged with his eyes closed. His head hurt, the pressure rising from beneath his skull. He grabbed for Lance’s hand, swaying while they walked towards Red’s hangar in silence. He walked up to particle barrier, pressing his hand against it with a sad smile.

She purred.

“Hi Red,” Keith said, reuniting with an old friend. He allowed her senses to wash over him completely, the rush he’d lost since being forced to take over Black flowing back through him.

Keith had missed this.

“Uhm, Keith. Not to ruin the moment, but we’re on a major time limit. I mean, I’d say take Red, but Matt’s already flying with Blue and-“

“Don’t worry, Lance. I don’t plan on fighting,” Keith reminded, thoughts left in a timid yet euphoric state.

“I’m just letting her know what’s happened, what’s going to happen. She’s not happy, but she understands. She says she’ll try not to give you a hard time.” Keith smiled. He felt like this was a goodbye, to everyone.

He felt Red offering comfort, disbelief, but he hushed her.

“You’ll do great, Lance.” Keith said, moving away from the barrier with a quivering wave. The particle barrier fell, and she opened her mouth, Lance wearing the Red instead of his typically Blue outfit. 

It seemed odd, but not out of place. Lance could one day pull it off, Keith thought.

He watched Lance gulp, helmet still on his hip to his side. 

“What, what do I even do? Like, are there special controls or," 

“Just listen to her, follow your guts and she’ll support you from there.” Keith promised. He patted Lance’s back, pushing the Paladin forward.

“You’re a great pilot, Lance. We all know it, and so does Red. The only one who doesn’t think so is you. So change that, okay? You’re needed here, our ace shot. So get into that cockpit and prove it to the only one who matters.

“Red?” Lance naively asked.

Keith shook his head. “You, buddy. Now go. You have a war to win.”

Lance exhaled a shaky breath, tossing on the helmet and entering the cockpit, never once looking back.

Keith turned, happy for his friend, but unable to watch this happier part of his life leave him behind too.

 

***---***---***---***---***

 

Keith found himself in the control room, monitoring the battle in silence from Matt’s old seat. Lance took most of the reigns as the literal right hand man of Voltron, offering up his ideas and plans. He had been shaky at first with Red’s temperamental controls and speed, but he seemed to be getting the hang of it, even if it did remain unnatural.

The leading, though, did appear to be a team effort. Keith had just proudly noticed how Lance seemed to have more input than anyone else.

The red alerts continued to blare, changing its rhythm even louder when Zarkon’s castle ship appeared out of thin air with its mass hoards of military.

Keith could hear Allura’s perfectly restrained panic. 

“Okay Paladins, take out as many as you can and get back to the hangars. We cannot fight another war, not without a Black Paladin. Get back here, now.”

The Paladins all seemed to listen to Allura, trying to take out any remaining ships that might stop Allura from performing the wormhole jump.

Zarkon’s ship had other plans, however. It directed a perfectly aligned missile, straight for the Castle of Lions.

Allura screamed, moving the ship as quickly as she could, trying to get out of the way. The impact was all but reminiscent to their last fight with Zarkon. Allura screamed in pain and the Castle lost its energy. One of the engines could even be heard as it exploded into oblivion.

Allura fell onto her knees, her power now rendered useless. She screamed and called out, trying to start the Castle up again, but could feel the quintessence fading into the foreground. 

Keith could only guess that Haggar and the druids were taking it for their own game.

And with the lights off, silence obstructing the time and space of the battle, Keith finally noticed where they were.

He saw the layered sun, the 36 orbiting planets that remained dead and buried. There was the black hole, and Keith felt a chord break.

His eyes popped when his breath left him, understanding the meaning.

Nobody noticed when he jumped from his seat and ran out of the room. No one once called out for him to return.

But he felt Black awaken, the bond trembling beneath Keith’s own bones. He ran as fast as he could. He still wore his normal clothing, but stopped by his room for his helmet and Black bayard, since Lance held onto his Red one.

He entered the hangar calm, collected, and composed. Black purred, alive and prepared, had told Keith as much from the buzzing underneath Keith’s feet.

Keith exited the hangar the same time the Robeast did.

 

***---***---***---***---***

 

“The Castle’s shields are down!” Pidge yelled out first. 

“It’s not even replying! Did they suck all the power out?” Hunk opted.

“No time to think about it. Look!” Lance pointed, flying in front of the Castle protectively. The Lions surrounded their home from the oncoming crusader. Keith flew as quickly as he could out of the hangar, none of the Paladins quite yet noticing his presence.

It looked like a larger version of Voltron without the possibility of hope. It was dark, lean, lanky, and all shades of black with some neon red shining through its shoulders and eyes. The helmet of its head looked like it had taken a beating, broken, dismantled, and it’s jaw and masseter muscle were completely shown from the outstretched underbite without any skin covering. Several of its pointed grey teeth were seemingly knocked out. Unlike Voltron or even Zarkon’s suit of armour, this one had no armour or wings. Instead, there was just muscle. And where wings would have began jutting out along its spine, there were two arms which both extended into a glowing spear.

The spears could stretch twice as long as its body like a piece of yarn, always having more rope to stretch than it looked.

The neon red symbol was placed boldly over its chest, the same symbol that Zarkon had always used.

“Shit…..” Keith heard Lance mutter. The Galra ship was forcing an interference for their intercoms, and as such Keith couldn’t see any of his teammates faces. Even their words were said through static. 

The Galra were trying to force the Paladins apart. 

“This must be Lotor.” Keith whispered.

The beast remained still in front of his own ship, eyeing his prey. He never attacked.

Keith could already tell he was unlike Zarkon. This one was cautious, waited for his prey to move first.

Keith gulped.

“Don’t attack the beast. Not yet!” He yelled to his teammates. He could hear them all startle at his tone of voice. 

“K-Keith?!”

“I thought you were staying in the Castle!”

Keith pressed into the already indented thrusters. “Change of plans.”

The deadly red eyes turned, locked on only him as he made his way to the front of the line. Keith flew slowly. 

All of the Galra air ships were waiting for the signal, breached into a perfect line of soldiers just behind their new leader.

Keith didn’t like how they all seemed to lock on himself and Black as well. 

The beast lifted its right hand and stretched it forward, palm facing outward. 

“I don’t like this, Keith.” Lance said, flying so he was right beside his current leader.

“I say form Voltron.”

Keith shook his head, never once letting his eyes drift away from Lotor.

“No. That’s what he’s waiting for.”

Forming Voltron took time, and while 20 seconds didn’t seem like a lot, it left them open and vulnerable, a perfect attacking point to use. 

Lotor knew Voltron, understood its mechanics. And Keith knew the rumours of how he didn’t want to take Voltron like his father; Lotor wanted to destroy it.

Keith wasn’t about to let that happen.

“Guys, watch out. This guy will be worse than Zarkon, okay? He may be less powerful, we don’t know exactly for sure, but I think we can assume he’s merciless. Any mistake will be used against us, and he wont stop until we’re dead.”

Keith gulped, hands beginning to shake. One of Lotor’s fingers began to point towards the Black Lion. Keith felt a breath leave in, desperate as he yelled, “Okay, on my command, everyone fly away as far as you can. Attack the ships but do not go anywhere near the beast. Pidge, Hunk, you guys try and stay around the Castle in case Allura can restart the communications. Matt, Lance, stay together and fly as far as you can away from me.”

Lance openly gawked. “What?! What about you!”

“Fight the ships. If I’m going down, I’m not taking you with me.”

Lotor’s finger snapped straight, and every single ship was coming towards him.

“NOW!”

Lance and Matt took off to the right, flying high and upwards, deciding to attack the fleet from above. Keith shot downwards, piloting Black with as much speed as he could.

Just as he assumed, the entire fleet was after him. He could feel Lotor’s eyes remaining on him, cold and calculating, but still unmoving.

The ships were on him like a murder of crows aimed at their prey. He could hear his teammates yelling for him. He tried to dodge as many of the strikes and blasts as he could, but that remained an impossible feat. There were just too many.

Keith needed to get them away from his friends, protect them.

All the lions struck from above, taking out every ship that was on Keith’s tail.

It seemed like on odd tactic, only aiming for the leader and leaving everything else open.

So Keith bit his lip in thought, another blast hitting Black’s side and damaging the armour. Black growled.

“I have an idea!” Keith screamed, body being shaken forward and almost falling form his chair due to the blast. “I’m going to fly higher and then fly in a circle. Lotor isn’t letting me leave his line of sight, so if I can keep him easily enough distracted, one of you guys can go from behind, strike him from there. He’s controlling the fleets from the beast So if we stop the Robeast we stop the ships!” He felt like he was choking on word vomit, panting for his last breaths while more and more blasters attacked. He could barely hold onto his controls from every beating he took.

His head was starting to hurt again. But even through the pain, Keith did as he said. He turned around pulling an immediate U-turn. He flew higher into space and through the airships like they were an asteroid belt. The ships hadn’t seen this coming, this turn around. Many hit each other on impact from not being able to turn around straight away, dozens of explosions and deaths happening in just a few seconds.

Hunk and Pidge took down at least 10 more of the ships, agreeing to the plan and falling in line with Lance and Matt from behind, watching as Keith began to circle around Lotor.

“I’m going to do three turn arounds. It’ll be on the third that you guys attack, alright?! And stay out of Lotor’s line of sight!”

The group affirmed their orders.

Lotor turned along with Keith, his neck moving like an owl’s. He turned it around on his shoulders, slowly moving while Keith circled the beast.

Keith had to be careful though, he was getting awfully close to the gravitational pull of the black hole, the density already having a hindrance on Black’s performance.

Lotor’s eyes stayed on him.

And just as he said, on the third time flying around Lotor’s beast’s body, three out of four of the Lion’s used their cannons to attack, hitting the beast along the back of his head, his neck, his spine. 

The Blue Lion, since Matt hadn’t yet personally upgraded the Blue bayard, flew forward tearing into the skin of the beast. With his claws, Matt broke the skin of Lotor’s back, piercing into the deep, solid muscle and into the base of the skeleton. No blood seemed to exit, but he forced Lotor into a backwards arch as he pulled.

Finally, Lotor’s eyes left Keith. 

He turned the beasts neck, red glares staring straight for Matt.

Matt blinked, feeling the heat beneath Blue’s paws.

“Shit,” he breathed. 

“Matt get out of there!” Lance screamed.

“He’s making its body into a bomb! It was a trap!” Keith screamed. 

But Matt, paralyzed in shock, couldn’t move Blue. The heat trapped its paws like already cooled molten lava. He tried to fly backwards, tried to escape. The two extending spears began to stretch. They dislocated their own movements, turning around and faced the Blue Lion’s head. The spears fell slowly, barely glazing the tips over the Blue Lion’s eyes like a taunt. Matt shivered, feeling the bare touch even against his own eyes.

Pidge shot forward.

“Pidge stay back!” Matt screamed.

Keith circled around, every fleet on his tail while he whammed his own larger body into Blue. The robeast let go of Blue’s body, and Matt was tossed away like a candy wrapper.

A tentacle like structure shot out from the open wound, grabbing onto the Black Lion and surrounded its torso, keeping it as close to his body as Matt had been.

Keith barely had time to turn in his seat to see the two red eyes staring right in front of him. The pieces of elastic spears shot up from behind its back, and this time wasn't just a taunt. They truly did strike with a vicious speed. They pierced the Black Lion’s two eyes, breaking through the armour and straight into the cockpit. 

Keith barely had time to shield himself from the shattered glass and spiked edges of the spears, hearing his teammates scream his name when the communications turned off.

The Black Lion shut down.

The robeast’s large, scraggily, skeletal hands came up, holding the Lion into a tight ball in the middle of its palms.

Keith only noticed the silence.

He moved his arm, realizing his had been broken from the debris of the blast.

He pressed the shattered control panel and a sharp electrocution was sent up his torso.

Lotor’s hands were becoming tighter, trying to break the Lion apart from pressure alone.

Even with the Lion down, Keith could still here its frenzy. Black was frantic, in pain, and left blinded.

The pressure extended, Black’s back denting, the sound of metal crunching and squeaking.

Keith gulped. He’d lost. He was going to die. 

He looked down one last time at the controls, at the indents Shiro’s own hands had made. Keith, left dissociated while his life was about to end, fell forward. He saw the colour red dwindle down from his forehead, past his eyes and nose. That was his colour.

The black of the Lion’s thrusters?

That was Shiros.

When he touched it, he felt the spark underneath his skin. He closed his eyes, falling over the controls.

 

***---***---***---***---***

 

Keith woke up in water.

The plane was black, but he could feel the cool liquid around him. He was left lying on his back, the water probably only a few inches deep. He opened his eyes when he heard someone clear their throat.

There was a man, purple, tall and proud. He held an elegance to him, long white hair flowing freely in loose curls down his back. On either side of his face were two long, thin strands tightened into braids. The hair remained to be the only contrasting point to the darkness of this place. 

He didn’t seem evil, though. Godlike or supernatural, maybe, but not evil. He actually only seemed a few years older than Keith, eyes tired and a timid anger obvious underneath his disinterested features.

“It appears we’ve all lost someone because of Voltron.” Were the Prince’s first words spoken to Keith.

Keith groaned, forcing himself up onto his one good elbow.

Lotor remained steady, long hands resting on his sides.

“Huh?” 

Lotor didn’t sigh, didn’t roll his eyes. He listened to Keith’s confusion, voice echoed throughout the area. 

“Shiro. That was his name, correct?” Lotor asked.

Keith never turned away from the yellow glare, and only nodded his head.

“That’s what the Black Lion does. He takes those who are good and changes them, turns their mindset, or allows them to disappear. The Black Lion cannot be commanded because it only knows violence. Loyalty is meaningless to him.”

Keith could hear the sharp intake of breath from Black, still in the back of his mind. He was hurt, but still alive.

The beast whimpered, trying to locate its Paladin.

“You’ve never once piloted a Lion. You know nothing.” Keith argued through gritted teeth.

Lotor shook his head.

“I know enough.”

Keith growled, forcing himself onto his knees in a defensive stance.

“Where are we?! And how do you know Shiro!”

Lotor actually cracked a smile along his porcelain doll features. “We’re in Black’s mind. Before you woke, I went through all of his memories. Shiro was the last Paladin, yes? The one who helped destroy my father?" 

“Your father was an evil man, he cared for nothing but power and domination. He brought it on himself.”

“Even so, he was still my father.”

Keith stood on two shaky feet, hesitant by how the content look on Lotor’s face never disappeared. 

“I’d ask if you’d do the same for your father. But it seems as though you don’t have one.” He smiled. His eyes began to change from the previous yellow and back into the bright neon red of the robeast. 

“Unlovable, isn’t that right? Wanted to fly in the sky to change everyone’s minds. And then Mommy and Daddy might return. Might actually decide to want you, right?” Lotor laughed. His smile grew, deadly fangs indenting over his lips.

“Pathetic. And it was that same pathetic mind that killed my Father.” He raised a completely white bayard, forming it into a powerful spear just like the one on his beast. 

Keith gulped, suddenly feeling Black’s own weapon on his side. Keith grabbed for it, changing the weapon into a sword. No signal was made but they understood the complications.

They charged at each other at the same time. Keith instantly falling from the pressure of the spear against his sword’s edge, placing pressure onto his broken arm. He screamed, but held his grip firm.

Lotor lifted the spear, swiping at Keith’s legs and throwing him upwards. He used his large foot to swing into Keith’s chest, flinging the boy into the air.

It didn’t help that he too held Zarkon’s size and stature.

Like Father like Son.

Keith slid on his back. He used the momentum to flip himself over his shoulder and slide onto his two feet. He limped slightly when he moved, clutching once again at his weapon. Lotor raced for Keith, swinging his spear’s pointed edge right into Keith’s shoulder. Keith dodged it, the edge splitting through his armour but never actually breaking skin. He used his smaller size to dance around Lotor, jumping up and kicking his back.

Lotor stumbled forward, turning just in time to find Keith charging towards him, sword tearing at the skin on his arm.

Lotor let out a cruel chuckle.

“You do fight like a Galra Soldier. 

He lifted his spear going for Keith’s right arm. Keith knowingly dodged it, but realized it had been a mistake. Lotor knew he would dodge left, and grabbed onto his broken arm with his overbearing hands. He tugged Keith’s entire body forward, Keith’s body lifted from the water and toes skidding across the floor.

He fell against Lotor’s chest, Lotor’s knee deep into his gut. 

All his breath was forced out of him, and his body fell forward. 

Lotor’s claws pierced the skin of Keith’s back, tearing it in stripes like nails down a chalkboard. 

Keith couldn’t make a sound when his mouth opened to scream in pain.

He huffed, more blood leaving his defeated body. 

Lotor then rested his hands gently over the torn form, lifting him up and looking over his features. He grazed one long nail, Keith’s own blood staining the dull purple, against Keith’s cheek.

“You are a beautiful one. Perhaps in another reality we could have been friends, possibly even lovers. But as such, you have killed my Father, and I have a promise to keep to my people. I hope you don’t mind too much.” He whispered.

He threw Keith backwards, and the hurt boy skidded on his back. Lotor stood tall and proud, reaching for his bayard. The weapon transformed once again, the bright white of its shade enveloping the dark room as it morphed into the powerful spear. He set his aim right for Keith.

Keith stopped sliding, his head banging against the water, splashes hitting his bloody caked face. His eyelashes flickered, and his chest burned. The water sloshed against his back wounds, the red darkening the colour. 

Keith was ready for death at this point, had been ready the last time. It seemed as though death was just trying to evade him, make him suffer even longer for its own twisted pleasure. Maybe it just liked seeing Keith hurt… _Sadist_.

Keith tightened his palm into a fist, seeing how Lotor was just about to shoot.

The Black Lion let out a cruel roar, could be heard calling for Keith and only Keith, knowing the danger his Paladin was in. It called to him, desperate and frantic. The room began flashing bright white, Black’s mind waking up to the sound of a lightning strike.

Keith’s eyes popped open. The rest of the Lions were there, too, roaring to get Keith’s attention. It was faint, but their desperation echoed through the flashing white and black room. 

Their unified cries shook the area. 

Keith smiled. 

Lotor shot his spear.

Keith rolled his body onto his side at a speed Red would be proud of. He lifted himself onto his knees, grabbing onto the handle of the flying spear. It dragged him through the water from its velocity, Keith using his heels to skid to a stop. He grabbed onto it with both hands, never one to have yet master a spear. Once he held its power, he turned back to Lotor, feeling steady and assured.

The lions could be heard trying to break into the plane.

Keith smiled, and Lotor lifted his fists to fight.

They charged each other once again, Keith screaming. As he raced towards the Galra soldier, he felt Black awaken completely. His body connected to its quintessence, and he could feel Red as his right arm, embracing the spear and forcing more power into its energy. He could see the image of a smiling Hunk, the feeling of Yellow taking his footing and pressed forward. The heavy metal of Yellow’s body shot Keith forward like a catapult, while the Blue Lion was getting ready to make a steady landing.

He saw Pidge, crazy hair, glasses, and pure genius, embrace his left arm, numbing him so he no longer felt the pain of his broken bone. He grabbed the spear with both hands, gaining a better aim. 

He looked towards the shocked Lotor, looked into his no longer red eyes, just as the spear fell right through the Prince’s forehead. 

The room tilted, turning completely white. It began shaking, Lotor literally disintegrating into pieces. He didn’t scream, only vanished from this reality. Keith landed on his hands and knees where Lotor had just stood, water splashing around his body while more blood fell from his veins.

Keith went to grip the bayard, but felt nothing. The bright white room still shook, but he felt a wave of wind, flicks of water falling from above. When he looked up, a white tunnel was forming above, transforming and swirling around like a tornado. Along it’s spiralled edges, miles and miles above Keith’s head, flashes of blue were striking against the white hues, reminding Keith of Coran’s wormhole generator.

And Keith saw something from its centre, high and so far away from above. It started as a small black speck, slowly coming towards Keith, growing large and larger until Keith realized with a widening of his eyes that it was a body. 

A body was falling down the austere tunnel, Black’s mind beginning to fade while the entire room blinked white and black. Black began taking over his mind, the white and Keith’s vision fading along with it.

But his violet eyes rested on that body that was falling towards him, slow and unsure.

And as the area turned completely Black, Keith thinks he just might be able to catch them.

 

***---***---***---***---***

 

Keith’s eyes opened to Black’s cockpit, still annihilated and broken and floating through Space. Even so, Black was awake and angry. There was a bright white emitting from somewhere on Keith's right, but he kept his eyes on Lotor, spitting blood out from his own mouth. 

Keith only saw red when his eyes laid upon the beast.

Lotor’s robeast was screaming in pain, its stretched out muscled hands covering both of its eyes while it arched its head back in pain. Keith could see the blood coming from its head and one eye where Keith had torn so easily through.

Keith felt a little smug. He guessed he had a knack for blinding cruel people.

The beast stumbled around space, beginning to move and try to find its path.

Most of the ships had been wiped out while the Black Lion was stuck in the robeasts palm, the attention kept only between the two.

Keith than noticed how the Black Hole had erupted into the same bright white as earlier in Black’s mind, a body floating from its core as the colour settled back down to the original black, dense void.

Keith stood still, awestruck. There was debris and still attacking ships in every direction, a beast still screaming like a dying rabbit. 

But Keith only focused on the body, on the silence. 

His vision began to split, flashes of static rolling in waves. Keith growled, tightening the clutches of Black, focusing only on _his_ reality.

One red eye landed on Keith, the other still bleeding over its covered hand. 

“I’ll kill you.” He heard the beast whisper, a finger pointing towards Keith.

The red eye then turned to the unconscious floating body, spit out of the black hole after the lightning strike that had illuminated it for a whole five seconds.

“I’ll kill you _and him_.” He emphasized through the beast's mouth. Lotor flew forward, hand outstretched at the same time Keith did.

Both Keith and Black felt their hearts stutter. They shot past the remaining cannon blasts of the enemy air ships. It was a race, one too evenly matched. 

Things seemed to play in slow motion. 

The Black Lion opening its jaw. Lotor opening his hand.

The Red Lion swooping in from above.

Lotor touched the body before Keith did, his fingers just beginning to tuck it into his bloodied palm when the Red Lion struck. Lance tore through the arm and bone, literally tearing it away from the body as though it were as thin as paper.

The beast screamed, floating away from Keith and his team, still trying to reach for the one thing he knew Keith wanted more than anything.

The Black Lion shoved the floating arm out of the way and caught the body in its jaw, just in time for Allura to regain the Castle’s systems and open a wormhole.

“Everyone! Back to your stations, now!”

Keith flew forward, leaving the devastation of this battle behind him. His heart was dire from the knowledge of how Lotor would one day come back recompense, hating Keith for what he had done.

But as Keith flew Black for what was hopefully the last time, Keith felt the familiar calmness wash over him, the knots finally loosening in his bleeding muscles for the first time in months.

Sure he’d have to spend a few hours in a cryopod, but everything was going to be okay now.

Keith had hope.

 

***---***---***---***---***

 

When he fell out of the cryopod six days later, it was Lance and Hunk who caught him. His grey eyes found shocked violet in an instance, drawing together like a pair magnets. Pidge and Allura stayed behind, asking him in garbled sounds how he was doing, how was he feeling, what _happened_ , but Shiro remained silent. He was arched over Lance’s hands, phantom pains still evident in his chest while he breathed. 

They continued to stare long after silence fell in the room.

“How do I know you’re my Shiro?” Keith asked, first to break the tension.

“Keith…” Shiro brokenly muttered, voice pained and low from days without use.

Keith backed up defensively. He drew his eyebrows together, grabbing for his bayard.

“How do I know you’re my Shiro?”

“Wha- Keith, come on, you can’t-” Hunk, ever the peacekeeper, tried to say but was quickly interrupted.

“There’s multiple realities, right? How do I know you’re my Shiro? Maybe you’re just some other one, and you’ve switched bodies for a while. How would we know?”

Shiro’s expression never faltered.

“Keith,”

“No, Shiro! You’ve been gone for eight months. You left us _again_ , and now you’re back and we’re just supposed to believe it’s true?! How do I know this isn’t just another dream, huh? How do I know I’m not actually going crazy?! What if you’re still lost in space and I’m still stuck on Earth away from you forever and this weird timeline is just my way of coping?! You can’t keep leaving and coming back, Takashi, I can’t do take it anymore!”

“Keith, please!”

“Tell me something to prove to me that you’re _my_ Shiro. Stop just saying my name!” 

A dark look fell over Shiro’s face, watching while Keith tried to keep his false bravado and over angered charade up. It wasn’t fooling anybody, not even Keith himself. He was honestly just scared. He knew if this were to happen again, Keith wouldn’t make it through the next time.

“I met you when I tripped over you behind a dumpster.” Shiro started, eyes closed with a short breath. 

Keith hummed, unconvinced. “Slav said a lot of us had the same beginning. Give me something different.” He demanded, arms crossed defensively with the bayard still in his clutches..

Shiro smiled kindly, and Keith felt himself falter. 

“You fly Black and I fly Red; it’s what we named the kittens after.’”

Keith offered a quizzical face and was about to argue when Shiro swiftly cut him off. “That’s what you said to me in the other reality, the one where Kerberos never existed. Yes, our beginning may not have ever changed, but all of our timelines have, and yet you’re always the same Keith. You’re always so defiant, and rebellious, and heartless especially to yourself. _Except_ when you care for someone, or believe in the greater good. The consequences are unimaginable if someone hurts something you love. You put yourself behind others and in harms way to make sure everyone else is alright. You’ll run into a village burning on fire to save people if it means no one else has to suffer. You thought that was your destiny for most of your life...” 

Keith crossed his arms, looking down, memories of the night when he fell for Sendak’s false tactic reigning over his embarrassed features. Shiro had been hurt that night too. And it was partly Keith’s fault, for falling for the lies and jumping right into battle. Shiro, though, continued his rant.

“In the other reality I was sick, I was dying, but so were you, and only because you wanted me to have the most painless death possible. It killed you but you still moved forward, because you couldn’t allow me to see you suffer.” Shiro stepped closer to Keith, who instantly drew back, worried. 

“I know you did the same thing here, right? Being strong for the others while I was gone, because I had asked you to, right? I placed all that pressure on you? Another person you loved left you, and you silently picked up the pieces until you couldn’t anymore and you broke.” When Keith flushed and turned away, Shiro knew he was on the right track. 

“You gave Iverson the scar on his eye, because he blamed me for the Kerberos pilot error. And you couldn’t allow him to slander my good name, even if it got you kicked out of the best damn school in your life and left you once again without a home. Keith, you’re loyal to a fault, and that worries me. It always has. I gave you shit in the stimulators for training too hard because you wanted to impress me, because you thought, even then, that one day I’d leave you behind. You came after me when Zarkon tried to take my lion that first time. You saved me when I crashed on Earth from Space, you believed me when I spoke about Ulaz, and have saved me countless times since and never without question. You’re sweet and kind to those you open up to, and are so stubborn and determined that you’ll get yourself killed for someone you love. “

When Keith didn’t say anything other than just look like a nervous wreck, Shiro simply continued, knocking these facts into the Red Paladin’s mind like whamming a hammer over his head.

”I know you’re nervous to believe that it’s me. I know you don’t want to, because you’re scared I’ll leave again, die again, and you wont be able to take it another round. You’re scared to open up right now, and that’s the only thing holding you back. I’m here, Keith. I’m finally here to stay. I'm _your_ Shiro, just like you're  _my_ Keith... I once promised you a forever, and I intended to keep that promise. So that’s why, in this life and the next, I fly Black and you fly Red. And when we get back to Earth, I want to get two kittens and that’s what we’ll name them after. Together.” 

Keith felt a teardrop fall, one last little sliver lining of belief that this wasn’t real fading away with his worries.

“Shiro, I-“ 

Keith bit his lip, shaking his head. The others started to fade out of the room one by one in silence, allowing them their alone time together. 

“What did you even see while you were out there?”

Cracked, shattered, gone was all that remained of Keith’s façade. His barrier was broken, and the only thing that remained was the tragic look of the lost kid who was only looking for a place to call home. 

Shiro let out a laugh. “I’ll tell you the full story another day. But for now I’ll say that I mostly saw you, and who you really are.” He moved forward then, grabbing at this Keith, _his_ Keith, the one he started this journey with and didn’t plan on ending anytime soon. They still had so many firsts to discover. 

He moved cautiously, waiting for Keith to move away, offer up a no. Instead, when Shiro wrapped his robotic hand around his waist, it was Keith that touched his chin, moved himself forward and gave in to the kiss. 

It was too soon to say anything like ‘I love you’ but Shiro felt the emotion deep within his stomach, little fluttering butterflies flying around and Shiro realized he almost always had felt them. The respect formed for the little nine year old kid hiding behind a dumpster grew to become love, and Shiro was excited to see where this timeline would take them.

Keith smiled cautiously, trapped in the warm embrace of the hug.

“We have an extra pilot now, what are we going to do?”

Shiro offered another peck to his head. And another, and another, and another.

“We’ll figure that out.” He breathed.

Keith almost laughed, still teary eyed and red faced. “But Jesus, Shiro. I mean, what did you even see out there. It’s, this is nice, but, I mean, I always thought this was one sided. Why I always said the brother shit, to hide it. Why the change?” He begged the question, and Shiro sighed, tightened his hold on the Paladins shirt.

“Like I said: I saw you, and I saw me, and I think the universe was showing me something that I never thought I could have. But you were there, as always, and it showed me how great we work together, and that no matter the situation, we stick to each other’s side even into death. You’re someone I can always trust. It was- it was beautiful to see.” Keith wanted Shiro to continue, liked the sound of his voice back in his present. And Shiro, as understanding as ever, complied to Keith’s silent request when the black haired Paladin pushed his wet face into Shiro’s chest.

“In every reality, it’s you and me; and I don’t know how I didn’t see it before.”

Keith let out a sigh, his nose nuzzling into Shiro’s clothing perfectly. “It’s always been you and me.” He muffled out a small dry sob, no longer any tears in his eyes. He realized he had no reason to cry anymore.  

“I don’t know if I can lose you again, Takashi.” He voiced with fear, small and sullen. Shiro moved his human hand up Keith’s armour. He guess that he did have a track record now.

“You won’t. I promise, Keith.”

Keith smiled sadly. “But Shiro, you always have.”

And Keith felt his universe tilt, begin to sway with his vision splitting into two, but Shiro tightened his grip, kept him down in this realm.

When Keith looked to Shiro, his world went back to normal, his vision became clear again after the long eight months.

Keith no longer had to worry. He just had to believe in Shiro, and believe that Shiro would manage to pull through. He always had, even if there had to be a few lengthy waits in between.

Shiro had promised Keith forever anyway, hadn’t he?

 ***---***---***---***---***

The Black and Red Paladins were connected through time. They had broken unwritten laws set in place by the Universe. And when that happens, the Universe sees it fit that justice is to be taken. Shiro and Keith were left with the side effects, living through their day to days lives as best they could. They grew to be dependent on each other, or else the headaches became painful, or separate realities emerged into one and they would find themselves lost to the sepia toned, abstract worlds. 

They felt fear then, panic, but soon enough the other would show, place a kind hand on the others shoulder, and the world would return to normal.

It was bad, they could no longer be independent for too long, the other’s presence always needing to be around lest they find themselves walking alone through unknown barren wastelands. It just so happened that it seemed to effect Keith more, for some strange reason. He had always been the one for superstitious energy to take a liking towards.

That wasn’t to say Shiro didn’t suffer the same effects. He did, just much less intense and often. The two could only go hours, a few days at most apart until the universe nearly consumed one of them. It was like a cancer, picking at the organ and killing it before it listened and went away.

But Keith and Shiro weren’t listening, never really had to their higher authorities.

It’s why they lived in space now.

Lotor had come back, only a month or so after Shiro’s return. His ships were appearing in the hundreds of thousands, an army so vast that Keith was unsure if they could take them all.

They left for their separate hangars, Matt agreeing quite happily to remain with Allura in the control room, had never really loved flying the Lions anyway. It brought up too many memories from the Galra prisons, the Galran battles. Also, Matt had seemed to take a recent liking to Allura, enjoying spending his time with the tough Princess while he engineered the controls from the safe gravity of the Castle. 

So the original Paladins found themselves riding into space with worry in their eyes and fear shaking their limbs.

As Keith watched the multitude of wormholes open, more and more ships flying towards them, he saw his reality tilt. It was becoming typical in times of stress, but it didn’t fade the nausea or pressure headaches every time it disappeared.

It hurt. He could see the version he was living like a video game, still waiting in the background for it the battle to commence. In the other world, it had already ended, Lotor the officiating winner. Keith forced down vomit, watching as the torn limbs of his dead friends flew haphazardly around space like uncared for waste.

Keith gulped, losing himself, unsure of which one was actually his. Where did his reality start again? He couldn’t remember? Had he already died too? Which beginning or ending was his timeline’s own?

Shiro called his name, feeling Keith’s bond stutter with panic, and Shiro knew the signs by now. Even if it was himself that entered the other reality, it seemed that Keith energy’s pull had the harsher everlasting effect. What Shiro only sometimes experienced once per month, Keith felt almost every day if Shiro wasn’t there.

Once again, Shiro had lived through the experience and Keith was left dealing with the side effects.

So Shiro pulled him back to his reality, stayed by his side and called out for him, patiently waiting for Keith to return.

And as always he did. He smiled, noticing Keith’s violet vision return from its glazed state, coming back to his own body with a prideful grace from Shiro’s commanding tone. Keith looked relieved, even with the oncoming army he was facing.

Keith shook his head, forcing himself back into position, ready to take on the world. 

“Ready everyone?” Shiro yelled, and they all replied in unison, a perfectly imperfect team already in sync. 

Things felt normal, better, and Keith had never felt happier then, spurring with simultaneous excitement and pride in the moment when Shiro uttered the words that had been lost for so long,

“Let’s form Voltron!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo, how was it?
> 
> This story has been so much fun to write, even if it could be a little convoluted and difficult at times, I really love how this turned out. I hope the journey was as fun for those who finished as it was for me. Leave a comment or kudos if you wish to do so, but I just honestly hope you guys liked it! 
> 
> Anddd shameless self-promotion: turnawaytherose.tumblr.com I sometimes reblog cool shit ;)

**Author's Note:**

> Funfact, writing multiple realities becomes convoluted. Hope it didn't get too confusing when describing Shiro seeing the alternate realities. Also, going to admit, I didn't really love 'other Shiro' but it was better than Shiro 1, Shiro 2, Shiro A, Shiro B, haha. If there were any grammatical errors, please let me know! I would really appreciate it! :D Also, this fic was supposed to be called 'You Promised a Forever'. Hope this title is better.
> 
> Next Chapter is what happens during the same time period but from Voltron Keith's POV. See you next time! And if you so wish, any kudos, comments or simple enjoys make my day! 
> 
> Also, shameless self promotion: turnawaytherose.tumblr.com I sometimes reblog cool shit ;)


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